5 Stars

How often do we get influenced by a good advertisement? How often do we get cheated by the same method, and how often do we actually give it a thought before diving into the products being advertised?

One particular airlines that claimed themselves to be 5 stars, had some amazing advertisement ranging from vintage wine, to 1,000 layers of savory skins, and aromatic brewed Arabian coffee in mid air. It was fantastic, so you think. I have traveled on this airline in all the classes, but 5 stars………….. hemm, I don’t think so.

If you have the opportunity to visit their head office, you will not be mistaken if you think you are actually in Indian Airways, because the majority of the people that you will come across in the office are Indians. However, when you are on board, then you will not be mistaken if you think that you were traveling on Philippines Air as almost all the crew on board are from the Philippines.

Depending on the route that you are traveling to or from, the food served on this so called 5 stars airline varies. It can be from the best to the worst, even on the first class cabin. This is also one airline that more than often got the passengers’ booked seat switched at their own wimps and fancies.

What is more amazing is that the toilet at their airport cannot even be considered as 2 stars. The hall leading to the executive lounge was filthy with the stench of cigarettes and smoke, and you will see passengers gulping their food on the bench openly.

5 stars, you tell me.

Malaysia Boleh

After more than five hours of flight and 2.5 hours of transit, I was boarding the plane again for an onward flight that will take more than 7 hours. Transiting through 3 time zones is taxing on me; all I could think of was to immediately sleep once in my seat. However, this was not possible as I had a fellow country man seated next to me. He was chatting me up, and I was like ok, shut up already, but keep telling myself to be polite.

I suggested that the movie selection on this flight is good, and once he turned on his TV screen, I plugged in my earphone, and started watching movies. The first movie was titled `Definitely, May be’, it was a very nice drama, which took more than 1.5 hours. It is weird how I was still not asleep, decided to go for a second movie titled `Married Life’, it was also a nice movie, so I watched till the end, while eating dinner. Dinner was superb. Everything went so smooth on this flight, Alhamdulillah.

After like 4 hours of flying I was still not sleepy, so I had the third movie on, titled `Over my dead boy,’, it was a fun aka comedy kind of movie, and at last I fell asleep. I didn’t think I slept long enough when I was awoken by the snoring of my neighbor. Arrrrr why do they have to snore, I turned, turned some more, just doing anything so that I could disturb him, and make him wake up. Nothing worked, I gave up, plugged in the ear phones again, but still I could hear him snore.

He finally woke up when breakfast was about to be served, this time, I looked at him, and sarcastically asked, whether he had a good sleep, and I continued further by asking him, where is he working, he told me that he is attached with Petronas, and was on a mission to Darfur, Sudan. Ok, so this is how Petronas people looked like, his English was so bad, and his dressing was ……… emmm.

Before long, the PA announcement was made that we are cruising to decent, and the flight crew will be coming round to collect all the blankets. I noticed that he did not turn in his blanket, but said nothing.

Finally, we touched down safely, and everybody stood up to take their hand luggage, to my horror, I saw the Petronas man tucking into his bag the flight blanket as well as the pillow, I looked at him, and looked some more. Honestly, I don’t believe this, but alas welcome home, this is the product of home. You hope they will change, even when they are attached to one hell of a mega company, no, they don’t.

Malaysia boleh.

Till We Meet Again

The sun decided to come out today, after 3 days of non stop raining and temperature drop. We started our day like normal as when hubby was going to work, only this time around, we both are heading for the airport.

When we arrived at the CAT station, we had apparently missed the first train, so we had to wait for the second one; more travelers began to crowd the train station. Hubby was busy chewing on his favorite Der Maan bread or rather Anker this morning. I had my cheese stick bread, but was really not in the mood to eat, and started complaining that the bread was not fresh, while in actuality I was full of anxiety, and I don’t want to be late.

The much awaited train finally arrived, and it took less then 20 minutes to arrive at the airport, everything was fine again for me. Went straight to the check-in counter, as usual I was over weight but no questions asked, alhamdulillah. However I showed the bad side of me when the seat number I had booked approximately 3 months back has been switched. I gave them some lashing, poor people, but well! I am just fighting for my rights.

Once this was done, we decided to go to our coffee place there; I had the very creamy hot chocolate, while hubby ordered his wedges that come with a set of 3 dips. Everything seemed so nice, however tasted not so nice today. This is just because both our hearts are doing the talking and the contemplation in the painful dreaded moment of goodbye. I had told hubby that we are over this, no tears, just loads of hugs and kisses.

Hubby accompanied me to the WC, then we both walked in silence, as there was nothing more to say. Walking to the departure gate was like too fast, I wished the time could just stop, I wished hubby could come into the lounge together, I wished we would still be holding hands on the plane, a million wishes, a million desires, a million prayers, but the moment of truth arrived at last.

We held tight, we pledged our love a zillion times, I held his face in my hands, looked into his teary eyes, kissed him, then I had to let him go. We waved to each other, we kept on blowing kisses, but I could not go, it was too tough, on an impulse I went out of the gate again, held him and kissed him one last time, and turned back to leave quickly.

I pray that Allah keep him safe and healthy and happy till I see him again.

We are strong, InsyaAllah

Cancer

Cancer (big C) or malignant neoplasm is a class of disease in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth. They are invasive and can sometimes spread to other locations in the body through the lymph or blood. However, benign tumors are self limited, do no invade or spread. The field that studies, diagnoses, treats and prevents cancer is oncology.

I have been reading Raden’s blog for over a year, she is a breast cancer survivor who had one breast removed. This courageous woman journals nearly all the time, which she does since the invasion of big C. The pain, the fear, the tears, the contemplation, the positive attitude, the prayers, you name it, she has them all. Sadly now big C have spread to four more areas of her already fatigued body, namely the flesh in between her ribs, her liver, her right jaw node, and her left shoulder node. What can I do to help? But just pray that Allah keep her strong, lessen the pain, and keep her belief intact.

Coming in close contact with big C patients can be one hell of an experience for me. This is because I get myself so attached to them; it is the horrible feeling of helplessness that blankets my guilt, the echo of encouraging words being too often said, and the emptiness of an unexplained. By the way, I am also a voluntary with the Cancer Survivor.

One big C patient that I met who until today paints a picture of calmness, though he was already in the know of the time he had was the late Zahari. I remember, how I started the conversation with him, it was a fairly mild weather day, however, I noticed that he was sweating so much, every once in a while he will take out his hanky and wipe the seat away. One question that still stuck till today, and which I often reiterate to others was: `are you afraid?’. To this he responded `No, I have my life, I have done nearly everything that I wanted, and God knows best’. So, how do you detach yourself from such a short moment of wisdom? I can’t, I still think of him and the look on his face.

Then, I had the opportunity of reading an article on Facing Death, a testimony of a Muslim stricken with metastatic big C. It was surreal, trying to understand the turmoil that one had to undergo, knowing that time is of the essence. This stuck in my mind too; I inform anyone who will hold a discussion on big C with me, to read the article. Feel the anger of the writing, and understand how this anger can suddenly be turned to belief. It was great, fantastic to say the least.

I had encouraged people to understand that when around big C people, it is important to be in a communication that is cheery, do not touch on subjects with regards to what will happen to the material world when he/she is gone. Encourage them to go out when they are not feeling too sick, or ask them what they would like you to do for them.

With the big C survivors that I am involved with, we always encourage them to know that while fighting the disease, they should make the best of their time. Look pretty, feel happy, go for a good massage, and keep on dreaming.

I dedicate this entry to Raden, small Cindy, Evelyn, Aminah (sorry Aminah I promised to visit you, but I couldn’t, InsyaAllah we will meet), D’s sister (who I got to know through blogging), and to all of you big C survivors. God bless you all.

1440 Minutes

It has been raining since last Sunday, and the temperature had gone down again, while the heater is automatically on, it does not help but make you feel solemn. I love the rain, I love the sun, but too much of both can draw me down.

We had planned to go to the Garden on Sunday after the F1, but had to cancel that because it was really chilly, everyone is walking on the road, dressed as though it is the beginning of winter. Monday, I had to go out as I have a meeting, it was such a dreaded moment but somehow I made it. Along the way, I decided to surprise hubby by having lunch with him.

Last night I slept really early, circa 2030 hours, it was kind of sudden that I was so so sleepy, poor hubby was left alone to entertain himself. I think I slept in total nearly 10 hours, wow that must be an achievement. Today, again I had to go out for another meeting, we left the house together, it was so cold, but we had to do what we had to do.

A day at a time, this is how I live my life, non calculative and non intrusive. Every one of us has 1440 minutes in a day that seems to be like a lot. However, we often find ourselves running around, going in circles, like a chicken that had its head cut off, yet what do we achieve, do we accomplish the mission that we set out to do for the day, and how responsible are we for the 1440 minutes given to us?

Today, my girlfriend called me again, and still crying, 16 years by 1440 minutes of her days she had spent with someone she truly loves, someone that she built her heaven on, someone that she recon she could read like an open book, and yet this is the someone that shook the foundation of her trust, broke the only heart that she has, burnt her soul to ashes in a second, and shattered all her 16 years by 1440 minutes dream.

So when you suddenly fall into this trap, do you look back at your life, do you try to salvage the remaining of 16 years by 1440 minutes of your life? Do you get mad or do you get even? I guess it is time to start a list of things that you have done, have not done, the signs that you have seen, and the signs that you choose to ignore. Let’s make the list as a time user to put our assuming comfortable life back in motion. I know it is not going to be easy to undo 16 years by 1440 minutes of your life. But, a step at a time, maybe we can be a better person; maybe we can start putting our act together again.

People lie, all of us in fact, be it positive or negative lies, but the worst is when lying to ourselves. Finally you discover that your husband has been unfaithful all these 16 years by 1440 minutes, this is a really ugly prospect. The feeling of being betrayed by none other than yours truly is like being bashed on the head with a sledge hammer. You suddenly go through a tsunami of emotions, first it is anger, and then sadness will set in, followed by shame and dejection. It will not be wrong if you consider yourself going through a grieving process. Ok no one died yet, but the shattering of a home is worse, it is the loss of 16 years by 1440 minutes, it is the loss of a relationship that has instantly disintegrated before your eyes.

The sun decided to come out as I was writing this entry; I wish I could be there to hold her hands, to hug her and to share her tears. InsyaAllah soon we will see each other again, but for now I will hear your tears on the phone, and share your miseries from a distance.

Like the weather life is unpredictable, what you forecast and what you plan are not yours, always remember that there is a super power that is mapping our life. Stop the tears girlfriend, I know you can. 16 years by 1440 minutes had given you the priceless experience of tomorrow.

You can count on me.

Kick Scooter

We were toying with the idea of getting a scooter each for our leisure time, I kind of like it a lot. Here everyone seems to be very in tune with the scooter, children, adults, parents and even working people. So, last Saturday we went to the sports shop to have a look, and also to try if we are gonna like it.

Hubby was a bit skeptical at first, as he has never tried to ride one before, I was trying and liking it a lot, and I was sweating too, therefore, I conclude that it is a good exercise as well. We kept on trying one after the other, and the one that we really like was kind of expensive, if we were to purchase 2 pieces.

Then, I remembered that the store had sent us an email before, informing us of a discount, so I decided to be smart and ask (if you don’t ask you will not get it, and if you ask the probability of not getting it is still high, however, you make an effort right)? Anyways, to my surprise the shop assistant confirmed that there was a discount, and it was selling for like 40 Euros cheaper, but that offer was over. Not one to give up, I tried to sweet talk him to let us purchase at the discounted price, and then he said, oh don’t worry next week it is on again. Happiness, so next week then hubby will buy.

Hubby insists that we buy one first so that I can use it back home, I was like, are you nuts? Not in a million years am I going to ride this scooter there, and create `fitnah’, why should I? I always believe that you do not wear, use or behave in a way that can create `fitnah’ as this is sinful. However, sometime it is difficult, people like to talk, and gossiping is a norm, though it can be damaging. Therefore, I will always try my best not to be in such situation. InsyaAllah.

I know he only has my interest in mind, but I will not ride the scooter there.

Window Display

As I was passing along in my autistic moment of shopping till you drop, several things I saw from outside some shops caught my eyes. Sharing them with you.

Graffiti

This is a country of peace, however, a couple of things still keep me pondering, namely: DogShit and Graffiti. Can it be that Graffiti is a way to let out steam?

Rainbow

There are many things in life that puzzled me till today, among the many wonders that I am still overwhelmed by is the rainbow. The beauty of the rainbow, the momentary appearance and the sudden disappearance is just overwhelming.

From when I was a little girl I was made to believe that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that you are not supposed to point at a rainbow, for fear that your finger will be stunted, and you should make as many wishes as you can before the rainbow is gone. It keeps your adrenalin going each time you see a rainbow, and I still love rainbows until today.

A rainbow is actually an arc of spectral colors, usually identified as red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet, that appears in the sky opposite the sun as a result of the refractive dispersion of sunlight in drops of rain or mist. This is rainbow after all, so where then is the pot of gold? Trust me I still wonder who is holding that pot, and why is it at the end of the rainbow? Can you actually reach the end of a rainbow? No, right because the arc is virtual, and runs from one end of the sky to the other relative to where you stand.

It is also believed that when you see a rainbow, this means good omen. Last Wednesday, when we were having dinner at the restaurant by the river together with the good darts people, a huge rainbow suddenly appeared. It seemed so close to where we were seated. Everyone just instantly took their cameras and start snapping away. Truly these people were a wonderful company, we had so much to laugh about, and it makes me want to believe that the rainbow is a good omen.

On top of this, out of nowhere a group of prominent NGOs dropped by at our table to say hello. These are people that I have heard and read about only, and to have the opportunity to shake their hands and to exchange phone numbers was an added belief to the myth of seeing a rainbow.

I also believe that the rainbow is actually a bridge between reality and the imaginary.

However, there are also saying that a project doomed to fail is one that was built on a rainbow. And more too often it is synonym to say that a person who chases rainbows is someone who never accomplishes anything. My little princess was taught by her friends at school to say that they are having a rainbow day, when they are having their period, it is cute right? Well I guess to each his own!!!

I trust People all over the world have different understanding and perception of beliefs towards the same thing. There are books and write ups on the myth of the rainbow, be it religiously, culturally or absolutely. But one thing for sure, when a rainbow appears everyone is struck by its forever magical beauty.

Whatever one may perceive, to me a rainbow is something that make me feel happy, I can sit and imagine a rainbow and make a wish. There is no doubt of that; these simple things to me do not need words and pictures to describe.

A Rainbow is just wonderful.

This Thing Called Love

Many a time, I sit and ponder, what is this thing called LOVE? Every so often when I see an old wilted couple, still walking hand in hand, I will conclude that this is love. It is amazing, how every single thing can be related to love.

I have stumbled many times in my pursuit for love, I fall, I crawl and I stand, thinking over and over again that this could be it, but time and again I was wrong. How can you call it love when it is abusing you physically and emotionally, how can you call it love when it is so manipulative? I have been there, done that, and I learned my lessons well.

When I met hubby, I was cautious, the game of the heart is not new to me, so I was not in a hurry. We were both tested in many ways, most of all religion, families and distance. It was one of the toughest moments for both of us. No matter how bad the situation, we never call it quit, well, we did but somehow, it only draw us closer together.

During our courting, we hardly meet, my travelling took me away not only from him but from all the kids that I adore so much. My weekends and vacation were meant for the kids and family time, so our courtship was mainly on the internet, and phone calls. I can’t remember how often I called and he was already in dreamland, can you imagine calling him from all over, among others; Tunisia, Athens or Casablanca. A minute is enough to know that we are both doing fine.

He taught me how intense it could be when you care so much for someone, all you want is to see that person happy, safe and comfortable, and he sacrificed everything to establish the value of putting my happiness before his. He compromises nothing; always remains truthful to himself, thus building the trust in me. He accepted me as I am, together with the baggage of 4 kids. He gave me the feeling of security and the sense of appreciation.

With him, I was aware of all the significant parts that should play a focus factor in any relationship, namely physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual. I realized that none will work without the other, often we thought that it is love because of the physical attraction, but physical attraction does not last long. He taught me that all those factors are designed to be intertwined in order to make a relationship work.

Time is testing us yet again; soon I will be leaving him to be with another factor of my love – the kids. Saying goodbye hurts both of us all the time, we keep telling ourselves that it will get easier each time, but no, it does not. Our strength, our trust and the desire to make this marriage work keeps us going, we are pacified by this thing called LOVE.

Thank you for all your love.

Blame it on Midlife Crisis

Received a text message from home, asking me when I will be returning, and also informing me that one of our girlfriends is having a marital problem. This does not come as a surprise to me, as I have seen it coming, nevertheless, it still hurts to know that your friend is being cheated on.

They are not a young couple anyway, and being above 50, most will blame his behavior as the so common Midlife crisis syndrome. How easy can that be? I guess this is the common phenomenon that everyone is happy to be linked to. It is a transition period from the routine comfort of home, career and spouse, where you suddenly feel that you are losing the freshness of challenges. You despise becoming familiar and could not be bothered anymore.

The sudden experience of disharmony is like a hurricane that was unplanned and emergency. But the storm does not start brewing before an affair, it only happens after that, so how do you term this as a crisis and unplanned? If you claim that you were so unhappy, why then wait to find a substitute before realizing it?

The saying that I love you but I am no longer in love with you is so yesterday. This tag line is just like farting, no one believes that anymore, however often you use it, it will only have a moment’s effect, and nothing lingers after a bad fart right?

The transition into midlife often gives us cause to reflect on where our lives have gone and more importantly, where we want them to go. Therefore, many decide to treat their partners as a hump, where they pause before running them down emotionally, and they happily move on.

Why wait till we arrived at the door of midlife to start questioning our happiness, why not before that? Could it be that the shock of seeing your midlife reflection in the mirror too much? I guess when we have all the comfort that we worked so hard for, the meaning of joyfulness thus becomes an assumption. More than often when we assume we will be misguided. To me midlife should be a judgment of clarity in strengthening the foundation of our lives.

So, stop beating around the bush, if you cheat, you cheat ok, and midlife crisis has nothing to do with dishonesty.

Boo on you!!!

Call it Football

I had, in my earlier entry, posted some poster pictures that were pasted on one of Der Mann’s bread stores; it was of course during the Euro 2008 fever. However, we discovered that there were more pictures pasted on the rear side of the store.

I was surprised!!! but I always say nothing surprises me in football, and this is one of them.

This is the winning memory of yesterday’s loss.

Enjoy

Crocs Bit My Leg

This is the Crocs that bit me hard, it is called Scutes. When I bought this pair, the only thing that came to my mind was comfort , soft and airy. True all these characteristics were with my Crocs. However, on the first two wears, I noticed that the top part of my legs was itching, on top of the getting used to it, so I decided not to use the Scutes for a couple of days, while at the same time I was applying Nixoderm cream to the area.

Because of its comfort I can’t resist but keep on wearing the Scutes all the time, hence, it is not helping the itchiness on top of my feet. The itchiness can get so bad that I will scratch my skin so hard till it bruises.

After searching online, I tried all that is possible to hinder from the itchiness that is affecting me. First I put Crocs to a hot bath with some antiseptic detergent, second I used the hair dryer to really dry my Crocs, last I put on the socks with my Crocs (it kind of made me look like those old time estate managers, but who cares). Nothing works, the itchiness was so bad that it became red, and the top of my feet started to swell too. Where the old bruises were before became hard and dark. This is not only bothering me but it is making me mad.

So, today, I decided to send an email to the Crocs Company informing them of the dilemma that I am currently in. Well, I received an automated reply as shown below:

Thank you for your inquiry to Crocs Customer Service. A representative will respond to your email as soon as possible. Emails are responded to in the order in which they are received. If your matter is urgent, please contact Customer Service at 1-866-306-3179 M-F MST. Have a great day!

Well, so much for the attraction on the bright, bold color of the Crocs, but once bitten……………………

Possible Consolation

Last night I started to read `The Witch of Portobello’ yet another book by Paulo Coelho. This book was a gift from my little princess on my recent birthday. It was very smart of her to get me this book and not others (of course thanks to the master mind behind her, none other than her gym geek sister). I will not be talking about this book, but one of the sentences that came in the early chapter is something that brought back many memories of realization.

`If there is any possible consolation in the tragedy of losing someone we love very much, it’s the necessary hope that perhaps it was for the best’.

I can imagine how painful it must be to lose someone that you love, cherish, and appreciate so much. This topic is too often a discussion between me, the kids and hubby. Being the oldest in this little family, I always have the notion that I will be the first to go. If so that is true, I want my loved ones to be prepared, to be able to let go, not to mourn, but to pick up the pieces and move on. Of course, none of them take me seriously, as always they say that I am being over dramatic.

My young cousin who is the only boy in his family demised so suddenly and so alone, while we were all in my house celebrating Eid. I still felt the pain of the loss till today because of the situation of the tragedy, often too I dreamt of him. However, the dreams were always beautiful, and I will console myself by believing that he is in a better place, and very much protected by the Almighty.

Then there was the demise on my staff, so unexpected, too tragic for words, and too painful to recall. It has been more than 7 years now, but how can I forget, no matter how much I tried, the look of her face in the morgue was just like yesterday. I believe too that she has been granted a better place by the Almighty.

So, it must be true then that the only consolation for us to overcome the constant pang of sadness for such loses is to believe that it was only for the best.
How often do we plan our last day, how often do we joke or cry about it? Well, for me often enough, too often that the kids and hubby don’t want to listen to it any more, or they can already complete my story. (lol).

My pact with hubby is that I want to die in his arms, with him saying all the prayers for me, so that I will go in peace. However, we also often say that we want to die together, so that none of us will suffer. How la, like that? But, this is just me, I like to talk about this topic, not simply for fun, but along the way, I know the message will be delivered.

Thank you God for another day. Alhamdulillah.

Atom Ants and the Good Darts People

Good darts, Good food, Good weather and Good company. Bravo to Atom Ants

The Search is On

We have decided that it is more productive to get our own apartment, rather than renting, this followed the decision of hubby wanting to renew his contract for approximately another 5 years.

First, we started with organizing my little princess schooling, then we started engaging some real estate agents to help us out. It is not easy to find a property that you will like in total here, because most of their buildings are old, where some have been renovated, however lacking the luxury of proper bathroom.

Up to last Monday, we had viewed 4 flats/apartments, one that we like and has a very nice garden was too small for the 3 of us, the first one that we saw was undergoing massive renovation, and you just purchase the basic 4 walls only, so to make it your home you will have to spoon out equally as much. Of course, we had to decline both.

The third apartment we viewed was in a very strategic location, very close to all amenities, however it is an old building and yet to be renovated. The owner is offering the place without renovation with one price and with renovation for another price. What was strange about this third apartment was that, there is no toilet at all. When asked, we were told that during the old times here, everybody shared a common bathroom and toilet, which was located outside their own unit. While we were wondering who could the last owner be? We were told that she was a very old lady, who died alone in this building, and who was the last person to use the common bathroom. That killed any little desire that we had left for this flat, and we could not wait to end the visit already.

Yesterday, the agent took us to see another unit, also not too far from all amenities. This one is very modern, well renovated, overseeing a garden, very large bathroom and high ceiling, I instantly like it. However, the layout was a bit odd, the bedroom was located on the entry of the apartment, but the kitchen which was approximately twice the size of the bedroom was facing the garden. Well, you can’t have them all right?

As we were discussing and making enquiry if the owner mind exchanging the location of the kitchen and the bedroom, smart hubby, suddenly asked, `can you tell us, if any old lady also died in this building before?’. I was like what???? I swear, I wanted to clobber his head and try hard to control myself from laughing. We were saved as the agent who was not too fluent with English could not make out hubby’s question; I quickly divert her attention with some other question.

Tomorrow we are meeting the same agent again to view another unit, I pray that my darling hubby will not be too smart this time round.

The search is on.

Tandoori and Fattoush

For so long now I have been wanting to try my hand at cooking Tandoori chicken. The one that we normally get from the restaurant are so hard and very dehydrated, so I have stopped buying those Tandoori, though once in a while I miss eating that.

Today, I cooked my own Tandoori, just the way I like it, with the right amount of spices, yoghurt and lemon. I decided to marinate the chicken for an extra 2 hours, as compared to the recipe. Baked it 30 minutes longer, and walla...................... yummy.

To accompany the Tandoori today is a simple Lebanese salad Fattoush.

This is a very simple salad, and it is necessary to chill all the veges for the salad before serving. We need sumac for fattoush, however, if it is not available, always improvised with lemon.

The dressing is easy to do, simply add garlic, sumac or lemon, salt and extra virgin oil. Another must for the fattoush is rosted or fried Lebanese bread, which is to be broken into small pieces and add to the salad.

Je ne Regrette Rien

Every time before I depart I would normally get some DVDs for us to watch while we are together. My collection consists mostly of cartoon animation and some stories that never see the lights of our cinema. Can’t remember how many in total I bought this time round, but it was a good collection of more than 15 or 20 DVDs.

Most of the stories were very good except for 2 or 3 that were so lame and most of all horrible. A stranger that I met at the DVD shop recommended one hell of a stupid story titled `Looking for Cheyenne’. Not only was it in French but the sub-title was `home made……… boleh!!!!’, so in the end, none of us understands what the story was all about.

However, among the DVDs was another French movie …………. Well, hubby…… hemm ok speaks and writes French (but progressively getting better), and I thought I will be doing him a favor by bringing some French movies home. Mind you he is currently writing love letters to me in French too!!! (mabuk ke apa?). Anyways, the title of the movie is `La Vie En Rose’ meaning the Life of Rose (literally), it is such a beautiful movie on the short life of the French singer Edith Piaf. You need to see the movie to enjoy it ok.

What I wanted to share here is to never lose hope in your life, never give up till the very end, and never ever think that the sky is a different color than blue. A borrowed line from `The Zahir’ and in the word of a Persian sage: Love is a disease no one wants to get rid of. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer do not wish to be cured. Edith was dead the moment her lover perished in a plane crash. So powerful is this thing called LOVE.

Listen to this song that has so much meaning packed into it, and to my kids and hubby, my life begins with you!!!!!.

The English translation of `JE NE REGRETTE RIEN’

No, nothing at all
I do not regret anything at all (x2)
Either the good that has been done to me
or the evil
everything is equal to me
no, nothing at all, no...
Everything is paid; swept away, forgotten
I don't care about the past!
With my memories I lit the fire
My pains, my pleasures,
I don't need them anymore
My love stories are swept away
with their trembling swept away forever
I'm starting on new bases
no, nothing at all …..
Because my life, my happiness, today everything begins with you!"

Larry King vs UFO

Saturday, I was getting ready as we had a couple of errands to run. However, I noticed that hubby was still glued to the TV (he is not much a TV person), so why now? Hemm…………………… ok it was Larry King talking and interviewing guests on his show on the topic of UFO (Unidentified Flying Objects). Casually, I asked him, `do you believe in all these?’ his answer was short. Nope!!! Ok, then why are you wasting time?

One of the chores for Saturday was to go to the movies; there had been so much of publicity on `Hancock’, so we decided to give it a go. Most of the cinemas here are in German, but you still find two or three showing a full run of English movies minus the sub-titles (thank God). Unlike back home, here as soon as the movie starts your mobile is automatically on no service. No waste of time for Ah Peng (I made this out ok, can’t remember exactly) to shout to everyone to shut off their mobile, was that the irritating NOKIA advertisement? Anyways, the no nonsense was extended to NIL, repeat NIL advertisement altogether, except for their next movie to be aired.

`Hancock’ is not such a heavy drama, it was something worth watching, entertaining with all the add-ons, mystery, humor, vindictiveness, love, hate and stupidity. We enjoyed the movie; it was somehow a good break for us. It has been so long since hubby went to his last movie; I am ok to go without, honestly. I would rather watch DVD at home, on my bed, or in the bubble tub and best of all at my own pace.

Sunday, hubby wanted to go to the park, but because the sun is always so high, I counter offered him with the idea of staying home. Well……….. it was not so easy to convince him to stay home, till I agreed that I will watch MIB (Men In Black) DVD with him. OK, as long as we stay home today.

Watching MIB rewind my mind to Larry King’s Saturday show, could it really be possible that UFOs had entered our planet since I can’t remember, is it true that it was already cited internationally but still being kept a TOP secret? Not that I am concerned at all, don’t they already know that this is a free world, so come one come all, and why are we so worried, we do not create the world. It is the Almighty, so there is enough space.

What makes it so funny was that UFO was also cited in Malaysia, yes I repeat Malaysia duhhhh. Ahmad Jamaludin, Flying Saucer Review, Vol. 41, No. 1, Spring 1996 (UK ). This is what I called Malaysia Boleh!!! Bravo, we have been invaded also, emmm really? How? Go figure la ok, I can’t contain my laughter reading this article. `From the middle of September till the middle of October 1995 there was a fresh rash of reports from around Sepang, Malaysia. These came from the local villagers and ranged from hovering lights to close encounter cases. These events proved to be the turning point for Malaysian ufology’.

Anyways, I better cut this entry short, remember hubby was watching Larry King’s UFO thingy, so when he was ready, he told me, `honey…. I just saw an alien on Larry King’ and I said `yeah right’. Then he said, honestly, look… look, Larry King himself is an alien, don’t you think so? Look at his sunken face and protruding forehead.

Poor Larry, better subject next time please, UFO is getting b o a r i n g!!!!!! Everything had to be proven, you don’t just come on air, and say my grandfather said this, my father who was in the army said that …………… I can say it too, so can you!!!!

I want to Sleep

I was awaken many times on Friday night due to the fact that hubby was snoring bad, really bad. The first time I was awakened was at around 0137 hours; I pat him and make him turned on his side. However, less than a minute he was back serenading himself. What should I do?

Managed to go back to sleep but was up again half an hour later by the same sound, I am annoyed now, as I was pretty sleepy, nothing seems to work with him. He is even worst when he has a few hours of heavy battle with WOW. I reached out for my mobile and start dialing his number, his phone rang, I waited, switch off mine, he woke up, took his phone, looked at it, and, yes you guess right plop he went and repeat the ritual. As his snoring grows louder, I became more vindictive in a very funny way, I dialed his mobile again, this was all happening, may be at around 0300 something hours.

As soon as he picked up his mobile, I off mine, his reaction was so hilarious, either he is oblivious or he must be so so sleepy that it does not matter. He looked at his mobile, and then looked at me, and he turned round hug me and starts snoring just next to my ear. I thought I was smart but hubby was smarter. I was giggling at this point and praying hard that he would stop, and let me sleep. I think I slept again but not for long.

The next time I woke up, I could not contain my anger anymore; I just reached out and slapped him hard on the face. My action startled him, he jumped, and mumbled, `honey, you slapped me’, that was all, nothing more, he hug me and go back to sleep. I looked at the time, it was 0537 hours, and I am not taking his acts anymore.

I stood up and faced him, and told him that, I need to sleep; he is being so selfish and inconsiderate. No, he is not; I am saying all these because I am super pissed now. Poor hubby, he woke up, went to wash his face, and put me back to sleep.

He took the computer and starts his WOW mission. Yes, finally, I got to enter my dreamland in peace, and I could feel that I was smiling in my sleep. I don’t remember what time I woke up, but I was happy and was welcomed by his Saturday special ……. `Maggie soup with half cooked eggs’, all the anger of the night just disappeared, in no time we were joking about it.

He is such a darling, but when the snoring comes, I wish killing someone is a novelty and not a crime.

Peaceful Demonstration

Two Continents

I had an early appointment at the school today, so we decided to leave together, meaning hubby was delayed a bit. He could not accompany me as today is Friday and he had missed 2 Friday prayers, and therefore not making today the third. I agreed.

After the meeting, I went across to the shopping mall, sales still on, wanted to get a cooler for the apartment. The temperature is tremendously hot now and the single fan is not helping much. Went to KIKA and saw too many things to drool on that I even forgot how my two small toes were hurting me, as today I decided to put on my new shoes. When I bought it, I swear to God that it was so comfortable; however it is biting my two small toes now. But, all these were alright, as my mind was busy choosing things that were on sale. I am happy crazy when I see a good sale.

Can’t remember how long I was in the shop, after paying I realized that my two small toes are hurting badly. Hubby called a couple of times; this time however, I exaggerated on the pain, and was also moaning that I don’t have enough money to spend. He suggested that I dropped by his office and take some cash, but being the `drama queen’ me, I emphasized that my toes hurting, and I just wanted to go back. He tried persuading me again, but nothing works, so promise promise that we will continue shopping tomorrow *wink, wink*. (Actually, I only need a cooler…………… hemm, bad habits die hard).

Upon returning home, I wanted to chat with my little princess, however, I got a text message from her telling me that she wants to sleep, I guess she must be tired from school.

Later while chatting she told me that her sister took her to the doctor after school, as her pinky was still hurting, after the little accident that she had while fooling around with her sister yesterday. Alhamdulillah, she took her to the clinic as I was a bit worried for she told me before bedtime yesterday, that it was still hurting.

Now, approximately 2215 hours back home, she told me again that she wants to sleep, this is not like her. Is she getting sleepy because of the medicine? Being the forever over worried mama, I called my eldest girl and asked her why is she not home? After listening to her explanations, then only I remember that she had something on with the `kampung’ folks today. Well, it is never easy having to juggle your life between your love ones over two continents.

InsyaAllah, tomorrow will be better, but it is alright because my trust is in the Almighty, and he has reasons for everything.

I love you, you, you, you and you!!!!!

Commit Suicide

I was shocked to know that she tried to commit suicide yet again today, first she did an overdose and now she wants to jump into the river. I have spoken to her before, encouraging her to seek help and assuring her that the world is not as bad as she thought it to be. Well, she did seek help, she went for a couple of counseling sessions, and they gave her tons of medication to calm her down, thought it only made her worse.

When my daughter told me of her eccentric behavior prior to all this, I told her that as a friend you should always stand by her, do not criticize her but try to understand why she is like that. Then we discovered the truth (which is too personal to be shared), and the more I told my daughter to understand her.

People can be very judgmental, quick to conclude such an attempt as an insane act. To me, it is not, it is more of a character of voicing out one’s painful emotional hopelessness, which could not be expressed on a normal channel. When you could not trust anyone to pour your heart out to, the world will become a smaller place to live in; in your head you will create clutters in the form of questions and answers, vengeful, vindictive and destructive. Suicide is not the answer and neither is it the right choice. Death is not the solution.

Why is it that she is not improving with the doctor’s help, could she be too dependent on the drugs given that she can no longer have a hold of herself? Why is she wasting away? To me, she is such a sweet person, petite, intelligent and very kind. From the terrible tragedy that befalls her, I could only conclude that she is finding herself unworthy of forgiveness, added on with the entrapment of home and parental control.

My daughter wants to give up on her, but I said no, I told my daughter to try and read some `surah’ to her, talk to her and try not to leave her alone. But, I do understand that my daughter’s patience is running out too. Worst case scenario is that they are roomies.

It does not help to know also that because of her attempt to jump into the river, it is now a police case; however, it just ends there. The government is not offering help at all, and she was sent back to the Student Affairs of the University, neither do they take precaution to protect her, she was sent back to her hostel. What are these people thinking of?

Many people don't think suicide is an important issue, to them; it is just like a toothache. It will be bothering you for a while, once it is taken out, no one even wants to know when you had the bad tooth. Life is too precious. I wish I can hold her and tell her this, I wish she can set a goal with determination to get her out of this situation. I don’t want her to realize when it is already too late, and she should know that once one takes his/her own life, this will be a point of no return. Can you see that killing yourself will not make you happy or go to heaven; it will only make you dead.

I wish I can create a forum to show her that people care and that she is loved.

Simply ............ Elise

First time I was introduced to Elise was more than a year ago. She looks so lonely in her own corner in the house in front of the TV, or on the balcony smoking her shisha or water pipe. She does not speak much English and she is fat.

Elise lives alone with her brother in law after her sister’s death many years ago, she washes, cooks, cleans and keeps the house for him, in return of him giving her a roof. I used to have a lot of fun about Elise and her brother in law.

Yesterday, we were told that Elise has to be taken to the hospital, she suddenly could not see in both her eyes and she is not well. I feel bad, she has been inviting me to come over and keep her company, but I had declined all the invitations, as I am not one to hang around and gossip, worst how can we communicate because she is not fluent in English.

I say a little prayer for her tonight, asking the Almighty to keep her strong and keep her health good, the same prayer that I asked of the Almighty when I was at the hospital last Saturday, and saw this patient on a wheelchair sitting alone, and trying very hard to swallow her food. It breaks my heart, where are the family or friends at least to keep her company.

We wanted to visit her at the hospital but were told that no visitors allowed, therefore, we will have to wait till she is discharged and visit her once she is back in the house. I told myself not to make fun of her anymore and to apologize to her when the opportunity comes.

I dedicate this entry to Elise, may you be able to see again and may the Almighty keep you in His Tender Care.

My Tears will not Return

How often do you sit and ponder at the reflection of your life, how often do you wonder why you are here today and gone tomorrow, how often do you say thank you God for all what I am and how often do you cry?

Today, I cried.

Was I sad, did someone hurt me bad or am I missing on time? No, I cried not because I am sad, hurt or likewise, I cried because of late I notice that she has been arrogant and rude. I brought her up with so much love, praying each day that she be the perfect person in her life, be respectful and mindful of her tongue, and I can’t help but question what has gone wrong? She has been my strength and my confidante all these times. I shared a lot of my sorrow, joy and tears with her.

When I was living in Dubai, I was given a book title `Don’t be Sad’ by the fourth wife of my employer. She is an American who converted to Islam to be in marriage. We spent times talking and listening to each other, though her husband, a filthy Arab businessman farts money every second of his life, I guess being a fourth wife before the fifth comes along was never easy.

Don't Be Sad was written by Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni, in her book she mentioned that we will always have to face criticism, which when we look at it can be like an interminable war, for criticism shows no sign of ending. People will not stop censuring you or finding fault in your character, therefore be prepared to be hurt and to be criticized. I accept this from her today; she was blunt, none caring and showed no respect towards me. I am not fretting about it, I just love her whatever.

I guess she is angry with me for suddenly bestowing her with too much responsibility; therefore I attributed her anger towards me as me intruding on her rights of living her life with no responsibility. It is my mistake, in her eyes I am wrong, and so be it. I forgive her, and this is the only way I know not to be distressed. `Perish in your rage '. (Qur 'an 3: 119)

I consider what she did was a part of my past, there is no point living your past, it should be considered as finished. The past to me is nonexistent, the tears that I shed from this episode will not return to my eyes.