Today I Know You Still Love Me

Today, after a long, long time, I let myself go, I let all the tears that have been welling inside me flow fiercely and freely.  I was not ashamed if anyone will witnessed the tears, not ashamed to admit that I thought this moment will not come.  Thank you Allah.

Thank you alone is never enough for me to tell you Al Mighty Allah how grateful I am for today. Show me ya Allah, lead me to be your best of servant and to always be ever so thankful to you.

Today I know you still love me.

Fake

Often time I will find myself wondering and pondering on my life.  What ifs and what if not.  It's amazing how I realized that there were so many road in my life that I would not want to walk on again, that I wished I was not blinded to have gone, and made those road part of my history.

I will be lying if I did not feel any remorse or regrets having visited those road again in my mind games.  However, what can I do? I had promised that I will not live in the past and try to forget as much as possible those dark road in my life.  I must admit that I do hate myself for not loving me as much as I was loving the world then, and pining to be the best in the world.

Now, I realized that this world is full of fake people, your friends, the strangers, all the the people that your crossed path with, but the saddest of them all is when you have been slapped hard on the face with the realization that, the most fake of them all are your own family..............

My Kitchen

I'm not someone who likes an open kitchen, but then again, it is always what you don't like, you are bound to get it.  That's happening to me now, and I'm left with no other option but to teach myself to learn to like the idea of an open kitchen.

To keep my mind into focus of this reality, hubby took me around to visit a couple of kitchen designers and providers.  Some of the concepts were really mind boggling and beautiful, but achievable? ................. hemm, I don't know.

Early this week, we went again to play around with designing our own open kitchen, and then we got one of the lady in charge to help us to toy with our ideas, It was very interesting and seriously, I'm loving it now.  Hopefully, my open kitchen will not drive me nuts, as I have become too obsessed with neatness and cleanliness, and the whole house smelling pure heavenly.

Help me Allah.

My Blog

The other day, I told my husband that I wanted to close my blog.  He was surprised, and he does  not agree to my suggestion, giving reasons that I thought was legit, and so here my blog stays.

I did this blog initially to pen down all my feelings, my thoughts, and grievances, and to share some of my life experiences.  It is also with the thought that my grandchildren might get to know me better, when they are adults, and when I'm no longer living.  But, as I enter the ending stages of my life, I realized that, may be none of my grandchildren will be aware of my existence at all.  Therefore, it is better to keep it that way, then to confuse their life later on.

Hubby gave me all the very reasons that I should maintain my blog, and that he will keep it going if I were to leave this world before him.  Therefore, this blog now is my diary of living for my husband, whom I adore and love so much,

I Don't Forgive you

One day I will die, this is for sure. Everyone will eventually perished from this earth.  I don't want you to cry, or to be sad, or to be subdued; or to be over thinking of the ifs and the what ifs? Because I don't care, I really don't care.  All I need from you is, anytime I passes your mind, say a little prayer for me, and at any stage if you have some extras, give to the poor, or feed the poor in my name; or give to the mosque for their needs,

I have long forgiven you for the hatred that you have towards me, for all the things that you have said about me, or may still be saying about me, because I really don't care.  If that was your opinion or perception towards me so be it, I'm not here to judge you or to correct you.  I have done my part, dust and dusted.  Period.

However, I will never ever forgive you for saying that I'm the worse mom ever and that I'm not your mom.  Again, it is your opinion, enjoy it as much as you want, but just remember I DON'T FORGIVE YOU for this.

Enough said.......................... da da da da.

We Don't Have Too Much Snow

We don't have too much snow this winter, but it was fun while it lasted.

Lessons From Sacredness

Hi.............................. being a very long time.

It's 2015 now and January is almost coming to and end.  Life has been good, Alhamdulillah.

2014, I bid you a memorable farewell.  Many things happened, many very unexpected.  I learned for lessons of trust, I learned from lessons of heartache, I learned a lot from you 2014 and I will keep on learning in 2015.

My health situation took a very challenging curves in 2014, to say I almost gave up was the near honest, but I thank Allah for giving me the strength to carry on.  I thank my honey bunny who never ceased to give me the encouragement to win the battle.  It was an incredible fate.................... not to mentioned how we have to survived albeit the mountains of medical bills.  Alhamdulillah............ we still sleep good in the night.

Welcome 2015