Yes to Strawberries

It is spring again, and strawberries are a plenty.  Though this has been recorded as the coldest month in 40 years here, but Alhamdulillah the strawberries are smiling everywhere.  There are more reasons for me to consume strawberries now, as it was discovered that strawberries contain the combination of antioxidant and anti-inflammatory agents which is well-known to fight against the onset of many different forms of cancer. Thanks to the vitamin C, folate, and the flavonoids quercetin and kaempferol that they also contain, strawberries are a delicious defense against potentially cancerous cells.

Trying To Get Free

I recently bought lavender color toilet rolls, actually it is more purple than lavender. This is the first time I came across this color of toilet rolls, it gave me full satisfaction just thinking of flushing them in the toilet. It symbolizes people with so much of hatred towards me and may it be good riddance for a more positive vibes in my life. Trying to get free from all negativeness.

I Reiterate That FAT People Are Nasty

After what happened to my little angel at the junior prom recently, in this entry I will reiterate that most FAT people are just nasty and obnoxious. I think it is because they have no vision in life except to be glutton. They become so fat and ugly, and vicious because they are not happy in themselves, and therefore, seeing anyone happy will bother them to the bones. My little angel was literally disgustingly chased like a dog that evening of the prom just because some fat wife of a teacher (not even a teacher in the school) thought her dress was a bit too short and not abiding to the dress code of the prom. Truth be told, after being challenged by my little angel to go through the dress code again, she was left alone but no apology was extended for making her evening a nightmare. The fat moron of a teacher’s wife was a BIG bully. My little angel was an easy target for her, I conclude.

This was how my little angel had dressed to the prom.  Note, the girl with the cleavage showing was not even disturbed.

You Are The Meanest

You are the meanest person that I have ever met in my life. It is amazing how you can go on hiding behind the innocent of your hypocrisy. I forgive you, revenge is not my work, nor is punishment and neither getting even with you. I believe that the Lord Almighty knows best and when the time comes for you to repent, I hope you will remember me. May be by then I will be long gone.

I am dedicating this song 'Mean' by Taylor Swift to you and hope you understand the meaning of the lyrics because it is truly describing you.

You, with your words like knives, 

And swords and weapons that you use against me. 

You, have knocked me off my feet again, 

Got me feeling like a nothing. 

You, with your voice like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I'm wounded. 

You, picking on the weaker man. 

You can take me downnn, With just one single blow~ 

 But you don't know, What you don't know! 

 Someday, I'll be, living in a big ol' city, 

And all you're ever gonna be is mean. 

Someday, I'll be, big enough so you can't hit me, 

And all you're ever gonna be is mean. 

Why you gotta be so mean? 

You, with your switching sides, 

And your wildfire lies, and your humiliation. 

You, have pointed out my flaws again. 

As if I don't already see them. 

I walk with my head down, 

Trying to block you out, cause I'll never impress you. 

I just want to feel okay again. 

I bet you got pushed around~ 

Somebody made you cold. 

But the cycle ends right now. 

Because you can't lead me down that road. 

And you don't know, 

What you don't know. 

All you are is mean, 

And a liar, 

And pathetic, 

And alone in life. 

And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean! 

I'm Scared As Hell

What is it that when you are happy, it will not last as long as you have wanted it to be. It is kind of strange but then I also discovered that even in sadness it will not last long, so what am I pondering about? This is life, smile and get moving.

I told myself that I do not want to write too much about things concerning my sickness, as I cannot help but made the writing sound so pathetic and so sad. I don’t want to be sad, it is not good for me, for my hubby and for my little angel here, but excuse me I am only human.

Anyways, today I will confess that I have seen some darker days recently, which caused me to cry suddenly and pondering the toll of time. Yeah, I cried like a baby alone, when the house is empty, when I know no one is watching me, when I know no one can hear me and when I know my reaction will be my own secrets and not affecting anyone at that very moment. I am hopeless when it comes down to be sad.

Life is a real high of a roller coaster for me right now. I will not let you know the reason why, but I promise to get out and start dancing in the rain and bask in the beautiful sun. I am doing everything I can to enjoy the ride even when I'm scared as hell.

It's Not That Quiet In My Head

Don't mistake the silences

There's so much I haven't said

It's not that quiet in my head

I thought you are no longer the bitch that I used to know

What does not hurt me is hurting my daughter

So be ready to watch the storm after the calm

Revenge I wonder how sweet that can be

On Mother's Day

On Mother's day, I got this portrait from my little angel.  She had time and again showed me how thoughtful she can be in making me happy.  The portrait was 90 percent done by a senior friend of hers in school and 10 percent by her beautiful fingers.  However, the card was totally her idea of expressing her appreciation to me as her mother.  I love you baby and always will be.

Good In The Head

If I let what someone else says anger me then I'm giving them the power over me. However, if I don't care then I'm in control. If someone talks about me or curses me, really I cannot do anything about it can I? This is the world and as long as I know my heart is in the right place then it's all good in the head.  Alhamdulillah, I am happpy.

Heaven On Earth

Recently, I was with a group of ladies, they were busy engaging in a topic that I was not at all interested in. However, because I was part of the group, I cannot help it but to continue standing there and listen to the ongoing exchange of ideas in their conversation.

It was amazing how these people were so proud to talk about their life in this country, how happy their kids are here, how their kids will not be able to blend in with the lifestyle of their original country, how their kids are not even speaking the mother tongue of the original country anymore and the blah and the blah and the blah.

As much as I was pissed but I did not say a word to them, this is their world and their opinion; therefore, I shall leave them alone in their dream world. But I do also understand them because where they come from may be no one would like to live a life there, and living in Europe now must be heaven on earth for them. I could only wish them well.

Nevertheless, during and after the recent election that was held in ‘Boleh’ land, and seeing the racism sentiment that the government is playing now, I would not be surprised if I too would have a change of mind about going back to live there, and if there is any possibility I would also want all my kids to leave that country and not be involved in that kind of mentality. It is sad, very sad indeed, watching a nation that is the 3rd largest in economic strength in the region becoming a nation of super corruption.

May we all see the light one fine day…………… may be it will not be during my time, but hoping my kids will have a better future there.

Reflection Of My Own Mortality

After nearly 6 years living here, I finally found a voluntary group that I am happy to be involved with. I am not sure if the word voluntary could be associated with the ladies group from the mosque. But that does not really matter, what is important is what they are actively involved in doing.

Last Monday, one of the ladies lost her husband who succumbed to a year of liver cancer. Immediately after the funeral we, the ladies got together and organized a visit to her home to pay our condolence. Since, she has no close relatives with her here, we all decided to cook some food for her and her two very young boys, and we also got some supplies of groceries to help her out. We spent quality times with her and the boys and it was a moment to reflect on my own mortality.

Every day a new lesson learned for me, but I am so happy to be around to bring some cheers to a sad home.

 The ladies group in concentration

 Giving quality time to the two boys were two sons of one of the ladies

 Aisha (the young widow in black) and the two young boys

 Mahmud is the most well behave 5 years old that I have ever come across.  Love him to bits.

Come Celebrate Me

Today, it was registered on my birth certificate as the day that I was born. However, that was not the right date, I have for years want to know the exact date of my birth, but now it does not matter anymore. Everything happens for a reason and whatever the reasons behind the wrong date of birth no longer interest me.

So, let’s just celebrate my living. I have been blessed many times and still feel very blessed. I am closer to the Almighty Lord now and to me this is the biggest blessing of my life today. Despite fighting cancer and living the odds I am happy, Alhamdulillah.

How old am I now? how old am I now?

Kahlenberg In Spring

Kahlenberg is located in one of the mountain in the 19th District of Vienna.  The temperature there is always refreshing and cool and it is a very nice retreat during spring and summer.  We took the opportunity to go there during the labor day holiday.  It was crowded, but the view and the fresh air was worth the trip.

 

 

My Abah Is 90

My Abah turned 90 years recently; I am blessed to still have my father around. He is a little bit slow in his movement, but Alhamdulillah still a very alert person where his mind is concerned. My eldest sister came back to KL to organize a small get together retreat with the family in celebration of Abah’s birthday. I am so happy for all of them that had the opportunity to see Abah blowing his candles of 90th birthday. My wish for you Abah is for the Almighty to give you more good years ahead together with mak (the love of your life for more than 60 years already), good health and mind and happiness always. Amin…………………

  My handsome Abah

 Abah and Mak in their hotel room

 Mak being lifted down from the plan (she is still recuperating from the operation)

 Abah blowing his candles accompanied by my Amira

Thank you to my eldest sister for the effort.