Pre And Post Operation

Monday morning, I arrived at the hospital before 8am, the operation was first scheduled at 8am, then it was delayed to 9am, and finally at 1130am.  Since I was not sleeping good the night before, what better then to jump into bed with hubby and cuddle up.  The few hours was precious to us.

Much needed sleep for me

The stocking that I thought was so funny

 Note the hospital coat was put back to front (ha ha ha), my bad

 The anesthetist and HNO Surgeon, hubby on the bed.  Here the doctors take you from the ward and not any porter or nurses (weird) 

 Reciting the Yaasin, to overcome my vulnerability and the tears while waiting for news from the OR

 After 4 hours, and semi-alert back in the room

 Close-up, hubby has to breath only from his mouth and it was annoying him

Note the small cut on his right nose hole tip, that was left like that and not stitch up.  I hope this was not an oversight  

Approximately four hours after the operation, the bleeding was too much, so they created this contraption to soak up the blood.  Obviously you can see that he is miserable.

Feeding him some home cooked rice porridge

Meeting You Was Fate

 

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control." What can I say more about you, except that the Almighty Lord ordained us to be together, it was not just a coincidence.

I love you so much, I don’t know if I have said it enough or appreciate you enough but I want you to know that every day of my life is more meaningful with you by my side.

Thank you is such a small word to award you for all the things that you have done for me. You have done what a family has failed to do for me. You took my medic princess to her finishing line of a medical school. You don’t ask anything from her, yet you keep cheering her on, there were times that you just comfort and assured her that nothing is too big to achieve, and that as the leader of the family you will see her through.

You saw CD through to her culinary school, you stayed by my side and wipe away my tears each time she treated me unfairly. You supported my decision to see her to another level of education. There were times I know, it upsets you when I could take more than I could shallow, but you never failed me.

You saw it through that my son was given the kind of wedding that I wanted him to have. You stand by me when I have sleepless night for being treated like a leper. You consoled me and taught me to forgive and forget. You never cringe when you were not even remembered, you don’t care, you just want me to be happy.

You also make sure that my little angel got the best of education. It is not easy on you honey I know, but you took on the kids each and every one of them. You never claimed victory or heroic to any of their achievement, yet you are proud that they all make it good in whatever they were doing and still doing.

Now it is your turn honey, I will be lying if I am not worry that you will be in the hospital soon, I told you to get a double bed room so that I can stay with you, so that I will do for you what you have always done for me, I want to just be there for you and make sure that you feel alright, and safe.

I love you, I love you so much and I want you to know that.

More Morons

Children are naturally born curious, but for parents to allow their children’s curiosity beyond the safe zone is pure STUPIDITY. No wonder there are more morons in children of today.

 

 

 

 

 

I Need You More

Tonight a whole chunk of me has died. Those words reaped me of all trust, dream and the present. I feel totally hopeless, what is my purpose exactly? Why?

Sleeps reject me again like many nights before tonight. The anxieties keep coming to haunt me over and over; I am trying to figure out what all the anxieties are all about? Am I afraid? Is my sickness taking the best part of me, or are those words the killer of my sanity?

I don’t know, I wish I can have a direct line to the Lord. I pray that He hold me closely and bless me with some settlement or containment of a simple heart and mind.

Lord help, I need You more and more.

Just Follow Your Heart

I will put my life on hold for you. Nothing is more important than to give you that space, the space of self-centeredness. I don’t want you to be trapped as a victim of circumstances.


You are a free man, just follow your heart.

0245 hours

Silence

I started to speak to the Lord more and more. There’s no one else that I could trust to whisper all that I am holding in my mind and my heart. It is 0148 hours now, silence, eerie, petrified and everything but calm. Lord, I have no doubt that you are hearing me, because, really, when it comes to the matter of life and death, who else do I speak to?

Dear Lord ..…. You can stop all this .….. why don’t You?

Silence.

I Just Want To Drift Away And Fly

I was again sleep deprived last night, besides the untimely persisting appearance of the pain; I was just full of anxiety. There were butterflies in my stomach; my heart was missing a beat ever too often. I on the TV but it does not work to distract me from the pain and the anxiety, neither when I put on my headphones to listen to some music.

I could almost see the pain sawing in me, sawing me into tiny pieces. As much as I wanted to ignore the nastiness of its victory over me, the pain was real, it was unbearable. I could feel my eyes teary in the darkness of this winter night but no amount of tears could wipe away the agony of being sawed alive in my own mine.

I can barely touch any part of my body without cringing, and I tried holding my breath so that the pain will be less, till I can hardly breathe properly already, and honestly part of me does not want to continue breathing for fear of the pain setting in again.

At this moment, I just want to drift away and fly to the land of no pain.

Lord Help.

Soft Lilac And Baby Brown

  

So I got dressed, and ready to leave the two “budak busuk”. I borrowed the dress from my little angel since I don’t have anything nice to wear for a wedding celebration. The dress though a tiny bit small but made me look amazing, and I love the material as well as the color.

Next was the choosing of boots to go with the dress. I have given for recycling two of my boots that I figured were not too comfortable for me anymore due to the situation that I am in now. Therefore, that left me with not too much of a choice, I have shoes but they cannot be worn in the winter.

I put on my S. Oliver boots but they were not matching at all with the dress, so I had to borrow my little angel’s boots, luckily we are of the same shoe size. Once I put on her boots everyone agrees that it was a better match. As I cannot bend or squat, my little angel got to help me with the boots, the right boot went in pretty easy and it was super comfortable. Then we started with the left one, she did not managed to put the boot on for me, so hubby has got to do it. He tried and tried and tried, and I forced and forced my left leg into the boot till it finally settled in. Hooray!!!

However, I noticed that the left boot was a bit tight but it was comfortable and I like the comfortable heel too. Done, so off we go, leaving the two “budak busuk.”

As we were walking, I told hubby that it was really funny how the left boot could be tighter when the sizes were the same. He paused and stood behind me for a while, and pointed out that the boots were actually not even of the same color. I was like “what, you got to be kidding right?” he said “no”. I stopped and looked and looked and looked some more, OMG, he was right.

By this time it was too late to go back and change, but it got me thinking, how could this happened? I mean how can the shop not notice that the boots were two different sizes, two different colors yet in the same box, and how could we (me and my little angel) not notice that too, and to top that she has worn the boots a couple of times.

Can you imagine me at a wedding ceremony, in a nice cute bright orange dress with a black bow and wearing boots that were soft lilac on my left with a size 39 and baby brown color on my right with a size 38.

Beats me……………………. you can only imagine that I was sitting all the time at the wedding, I was too afraid that someone might notice my craziness.

Two "Budak Busuk"

While were playing dress up and getting ready to attend a wedding celebration, the two “budak busuk” were clearly upset for not being invited, and all of a sudden they became camera shy. They were so funny and we had so much of laughter, wait for the next entry and you will see their turn to laugh at me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bask In The Light

I bask in the light and I take off the mask!!!!!

  

 

 

I Want To Be Right When The Moment Is So Wrong

The phone rang.

It was her, her voice was as cheery yet hollow with sadness.

Was it feared that I heard, or was it just my mind manipulation?

I don’t know, it is better not to know, I told me.

She was tired; she just wants to talk for a bit.

I could hear the tears, while my own was building up.

How do I say goodbye?

I have done this many a time, but it can only get harder.

I asked her, “will you allow me to clean you, I mean when the time comes?”

Then, I paused and the conversation was on halt.

Shit, what, what, why, why do I ask her that question?

I don’t know, I want to be right when the moment is so wrong.

How do I bid adieu?

Now You know Why Animals Eat Their Young

Me to CD: come and surprise me la, come give me a massage

CD: but I am playing game

Me: oh, your game is more important than me?

CD: no it is not, but it is more fun

Me: you mean your game is more fun than me?

CD: no, but it is more fun than massaging you

Ummmm………………………………. Now you know why Animals Eat Their Young.

Anyways, she did gave me a massage just to be worried about all the lumps that she discovered further in me, and keep reminding me to go to the doctor again.

Something About Markets

Something about market that just thrills me all the time. It does not matter where, I love to visit markets more than I like visiting and taking pictures at some old buildings that I have no interest in and will forget as soon as I am out of the said country.

Market is so refreshing and in the present, I don’t believe in living in the past, and old buildings are so in the past. Don’t they say that if you keep visiting the past, you will miss the future?