Silent Tears

It was a super busy Tuesday for me today, started at 0645 hours and returned home at approximately 1940 hours. There was a moment that I cannot help wonder if my life is destined to be this way, will I always be treated like a driver, a maid and a provider. I feel sad, but as always I will not let sadness drive me to a land of no return.

Think positive I keep telling myself, I know like me no one ever asked to be born, and we are all here for a reason. I accept all the reasons meant for me from the Lord. I am not going to regret anything that I have promised to do so that all my kids can fly strong on their own, never mind if along the way I am always not the preferred mother.

When ties were severed between my own mother and me, I start looking around at all elderly women as my own mother. Do I wish I could turn back time and be more careless in showing my love to the people that meant the world to me? No, I will not. However, many things and incidences that happened keep me praying that the Lord will show me the answers.

It is mummy’s birthday today, I left the house early, first for transportation to college, then came back to take shower and get ready to go to her house. I have no intention of staying long; just enough to hug her and feel the warmth of a mother’s loving arms. When I arrived she was crying, I held back my tears, I know how she is feeling on this special day of hers, then out of nowhere daddy made a remark that they accepted me as their own daughter. These words were so pure, so meaningful, so cooling to my heart, no words can describe the tears that were so ready to run down, but I have to be strong for them, not the other way round.

Hurriedly I made an excuse of exist as I have another appointment at 1000 hours. As I was driving, I can’t help making a lot of wishes, and hoping that they will be answered. InsyaAllah one day, but for now my silent tears will just continue.