Someday Maybe.........!!!!!!!!

The fever is accelerating, the impression of our future is clearer only to be shaken by another twist of surprise. Someone who does not like surprises, so what do I do? I keep telling myself breath, breath and pray, yeah that is the pivotal point of everything that I do………………….. Kneel to Him and pray, talk to Him, let Him hear my cries, share with Him my sorrow, and thank Him for all the blessing.

After ‘shayur’ today, I wanted to stay up and prepare some response to a couple of emails that has been on stall, yet I could not concentrate on anything except the fever. In the darkness in bed, hoping that the fever will subside later in the day, I fall back to sleep. A deep deep sleep which caused me to miss my ‘subuh’ prayer (hate myself for this), I even dreamt I was eating ‘Putu Piring’ (how I miss this stuff) and was shaken up by my little angel who come to kiss me goodbye before leaving for school. Gosh …………. How can I not wake up, yet I managed to off the alarm, that is the weird me again I suppose.

Anyways, I don’t even prepare hubby’s lunch pack today, nor his clothes for work, when he came to kiss me I just murmured to him that I was sorry for the shabbiness, and watched him dress, and reminded him of some urgent matters to take care of this morning.

They all left, I am alone again, and I laughed at myself, come on I am no longer a baby, a little fever can create such a stir in my daily norm, oh please I told myself, get up and get moving.


Yeah, I have to get moving later for an appointment at the school. It will be my little angel’s last few months here before moving on her own to a boarding school, continents away from me, and trusting the Principal of the new school to be her Guardian. I stopped and paused with the thought of letting this precious being away from her comfort zone, worse still from the constant in her life. But, I am sure she understands that I have no money, no mansions, no diamonds whatsoever to leave behind for her except the education that I could possibly afford.

Someday I hope I can cry again when I am mellowing in self-pity like I used to, because when the tears dry up so will the self-pity. InsyaAllah, someday maybe!!!