Life Is Not Supposed To Be Complete

To my daughters, I want you to know that when obstacles block your way, when bolts of lightning pain your heart, when huge waves of frustration tear your hair out, when you think that the whole world is against you, and that the wind is chilling you to your bones, just remember that the Lord will not give you what you are not able to face and encounter gracefully with supplication, prayers and patience.

Life is not supposed to be complete, life is not supposed to be perfect, life is not supposed to be what you expect it to be, Life is supposed to be about us dreaming of all the things that we cannot have, that we have to keep on working hard to achieve what we desire.

We are supposed to be searching and looking for all the answers, but just remember that when we do not get the answers that we are expecting, shed no tears my angels as the Lord has better reasons. Please do not be afraid to walk on the tight rope, or the thin ice or the jagged edges because if you fall, you can only come out a better person.

I am sorry that you only have me to turn to for the moment, but I am sure there will be brighter days. Don’t ever be afraid to look at the broken mirror, because the person in the mirror will still be you.

I love you my angels

First Salary of an Intern

She came smiling to the kitchen this morning, gave me some cash, kisses and hugs. In very simple words she said ‘thank you ma for cooking me the meals everyday’, I was touched, very touched by her thoughtfulness. It was her first salary being an intern and I can only pray that the Lord bless her with all good things in her life forward.

The days that I hear her sobbing over the phone should now be history, the college was a nightmare for her, she was not given what she deserves, and do I regret sending her there? No, not at all, experience will toughen her up. One thing I know as long as I am still breathing I will protect her like a hawk.

Living up to the life of a future Chef, she just love eating.

Hats for Summer

So it is summer, what’s new? Girls will always be girls, being fashion trendy and pretty comes naturally. My little angel at her curiosity as the norm, trying out some summer hats, while waiting for her sister in the changing room.

Charming isn’t she?

So What if I have Cancer?

Another friend was diagnosed with cancer today, and I am so glad that he took it very easily and was very positive in his attitude towards the news.

Like always in our stupid society, people will be clamoring around you thinking that you have already been served with a death certificate. Then there are others who will start recommending doctor that or ‘bomoh’ that who have an answer to cure cancer. All the bullshit will catapulted one by one extremely fast. They will start saying a lot of things that make you wonder what in heaven are these people thinking of.

What he did was to purchase a new bicycle and went cycling because this is what he has been wanting to do for a long time, way to go mate. The appointment with the oncologist, the radiotherapy, the chemotherapy can wait till he is done cycling, he is not invalid, neither is he to start pretending to be so sick that the whole world have to stop turning. Alhamdulillah, for the Lord has given him a very wise mind in accepting this challenge in his young life.

Cancer is like a pandemic now, every other day you will hear of people being diagnosed with cancer, or die of cancer, or surviving cancer. It is so common that when someone over reacted to the situation, it become so not natural (tell me about it).

My wishes for him is that he finishes with his desire to cycle at the best time he chose to do, and may the Lord bless him with a wise mind to carry on with his life. As he said everyone dies, so what makes it so extraordinary if you die from cancer……………………. Answer : nothing!!!!

Good Luck mate, meanwhile go fishing.

Pining Grandma

We were on the IKEA bus, and with the best seat of four where we don’t have to share with any other passengers. However, I noticed a single father parking a baby stroller at the stroller’s bay before carrying his toddler son for a seat that was just in front of us.

As more people starts to climb onto the bus, the temperature was beginning to be unbearable, I could see that the toddler was getting restless, and as the bus moved, his agitation was getting more, while the poor father was trying very hard to calm him.

I offered to take care of the toddler all the way for the more than 30 minutes ride; babies are just wonderful creatures to me. I sang to him and soon he was asleep in my arms, the father took the opportunity to steal a nap too knowing that his child was safe with me.

The experience was therapeutic for a pining grandma.

Thank You Mate!!!!!

The 2009 dart’s league finally came to an end for the season; we had a get together to mark the occasion. It was immensely a fun filled day; every energy put into this teamwork was worth it. The event started with each team having to do a mini treasure hunt in the form of Q & A. There were pit stops for team photo capture competitions, horse race (I won a point for my team in this one), glass house walk (which ended in Corraine being affected by panic attack and came out crying, she’s in my team as well), 35 meters slide race, coffee and beer break etc.

After the competition we all sit down for dinner, more photo session, and speech by Mr. President, followed by price giving.

The highlight of the day of course was when Jermaine Jackson (yeah brother of the late Michael Jackson) walked into the park. What more to make an already wonderful event more meaningful.

Thank you mate!!!!.

Footprints in the Sands

If I don't see you ever again, I will forever carry you in my heart, and when you see the footprint in the sand just know that you have my wings beneath your wings.

Funny Feelings

Strange but I have this funny feelings that my daughter is in love. She is beginning to be very difficult to be in touch with and when I called her mobile, there is this song that seems to be stringing about feelings. Hemmm…………………… is she?

She does not appear to miss me as much now, nor does she seem interested to chat with me like before. Those girlie things that mother and daughter share suddenly become more elusive now. Chores given to her are left unattended, reason being she is busy, oh I can see that she is busy, as she is never home till very late in the evening.

My precious kids are suddenly mature adults, while one has already opened the door to greater responsibility, the rest are still mapping their route to the unknown. If my funny feelings are telling me a truth of my daughter’s situation now, I can only wish her the best. Falling in love is wonderful, being in love is meaningful, broken love is painful, while true love is still a myth. I hope she will get to experience everything good in life at least once and not be broken when the tough gets going.

Soon she will be telling me that she has to pack to go back to the uni. Time sure flies, when I am anticipating news from her; and the time difference between us is not helping much.

Ooi my friend’s bags have they been delivered yet?

Boy Was I Wrong?

I thought you were born to lead
Boy was I wrong?

I thought you were born to be wise
Boy was I wrong?

I thought you were born to be smart
Boy was I wrong?

I thought you were born to make a difference
Boy was I wrong?

I thought you were born to mend hearts
Boy was I wrong?

I thought you were born to be God fearing
Boy was I wrong?

I thought you were born to speak well of people
Boy was I wrong?

I thought you were born not to be a stranger
Boy was I wrong?

Live Life

Time and again I have been tested, time and again I have been surprised at how nasty people can be, time and again I have been reminded not to be trusting. Someday I hope I will learn, someday I hope I will have the courage to close all the doors and just walk on as though no one else exists.

There were moments that I had these feelings that something is not going to be right, feelings that make me go deep into my thoughts trying very hard to look for the uneasy feelings manifestation. But I am only human, I cannot just pinpoint problems or what’s expected from this feeling of unrest.

However, like the sleeping volcano, the answers will just erupt like boiling lava thrown at you from every corner. You try to run as fast as you could, must faster than a chicken that had its head chopped off, or much faster than a hunted hyena, but you only discover that you are the one being hunted.

I am done moaning and huffing about the uncertainty in life, the insecurity that creeps in ever so often or drafting solutions to overcome what might have been. I am just done. Destiny and fate are t0o huge to be defeated, no matter what you do, no matter how you try, they are far far ahead of you. Live, hubby will tell me just live.

He was right, let’s just live and come what may.

Taken

To my three precious angels, I had the opportunity to watch the movie ‘TAKEN’ last night. I can’t help but think of you three and all the young ladies in the world who are ever so trusting. Please always remember that accidents happen without prior announcement.

You may be tired of me ever so often reminding you to be extra cautious and to be very careful when you are meeting people and going to places, I have every reason to be worried all the time, because I know you three can be so naïve in judging people.

I am not going to tell you the whole length of the story, but trust me when you have the chance please take the time to watch this movies, and you will understand why I can be extra strict with people that you evolved yourself with, this is simply because I do not want to be sorry where you three are concerned.

Love you endless.

Reflection Of Your Words

“Time seems to fly so fast when I am working, I am afraid that one day I wake up and realize that I am already 30”
Chef Diva to me on a Wednesday morning

“By the time I call the police, I will be in hospital”
Medic Princess to me on being advised to keep the police number on quick dial

“Every day is a precious day”
Written on the cover page of my little angel diary

“Is this your daughter or your sister?”
A make up promoter in a London shopping mall

“Let’s go to Italy, I want you to sing to me”
Hubby when asked to go to Dubai

“You all have to be here by 8pm sharp, before the arrival of the other guest that was the demand from this side”
On the phone on his big day, (melayu mudah lupa). Who do you think we are? Pariah…………….!!!

“They found a lesion in my brain, and you know what that means?”
Sari (a cancer patient) to me after her CT scan

”Ouch! ..that was like a smack in the face. After a few seconds, I thought to myself, well, if it’s time to go, you go. But before the time comes, before my time is up, there are a lot of things I can do. Thinking about it is also useless and a waste of time. Life goes on.”
Sharifah on her blog after her last appointment

“I don’t do yassin but when I die you all read for me ok”Big bro with one of his stupid remarks at an uncle’s funeral

Living Troll

What can be more inviting than to meet a live Troll after a moment of contemplation to burn down a building, due to the fact that stupid people like to make themselves look busy, while in actuality they were just flaunting their veggie butt, dragging an appointment to more than two hours behind time ……………………. Ewww.

I am In Pain

The pain was excruciating, it was too much for me to handle, I am not someone who gives in to pain so easily, but what happened last night was simply different. Immediately I was chocked with tears, I was crying like a baby, while trying to sustain the sharp spasm of pain from my left arm.

Staying focus and breathing prayers I tried to control the pain, while hubby rubbed the sore arm with counter pain. The warm minty feelings sooth from the counter pain helps to put the arm at ease and after almost two hours I was able to sleep.

Tendonitis is something non curable, the inflammation of the tendon is not a joke; I knew some golfers even stopped golfing totally because of this. There are many causes to this condition, over exercised, old age and anatomical abnormality. This was what I was told by the doctor back home, he claimed that I was born with such abnormality, and it will get worse with age.

Alhamdulillah for what the Lord has in store for me; I will endure the pain as much as I possibly can, I hope not to be dependent on the pain killers (now I know why they call them pain killer, literally they will actually kill you for being too dependent), my destiny has long been printed even before I know of my existence.

Can anyone fight destiny and fate? Tell me about it……………………

Today

Today you may be the one that is laughing at me
Today you may be the one that is sneering at me
Today you may be the one that is gossiping about me
Today you may be the one that is blaming all on me
But deep in your heart you know the truth

Today you are being loved by all
Today you are being saluted by all
Today you are being welcomed by all
Today you are being wanted by all
But deep in your heart you know the truth

Today you can’t even call me by my name
Today you can’t even call me a friend
Today you can’t even call me a mother
Today you can’t even call me at all
But deep in your heart you know the truth

Today like many other days I sit and wonder
Today like many other days I sit and ponder
Today like many other days I sit and cry
Today like many other days I sit and pray
But deep in my heart I know the truth

Baby Bicycle

Hubby called, asking me to have a look at the baby bicycle picture and to comment on it. What can I comment on; I just fell in love with it instantly. We have decided that we will not buy a ready available one; in fact we will try to get a quotation for one to be custom made.

I am not sure when this will materialize, but I sure hope that this can happen before the winter, as no one rides in the winter, as the weather will be freezing and the road terribly slippery.

Hubby rides to work every day now, I can imagine us using the baby bicycle during our weekends outing only, but it is something that I am looking forward to.

InsyaAllah.

Breast Lump

I noticed a lump in my left breast for the past two days, it was first discovered when I was taking my shower. As you all know I had two lumps removed from my right breast prior, and Alhamdulillah they were benign, I also had one lump removed from the tip of one of my ovaries, they were all good results after the biopsy.

However, this new lump is kind of different; it is harder and also giving me some pain. I don’t want to be paranoid, maybe it is because I was pushing myself so hard with all the shoulder and arms machine in the gym, or maybe it was an extended pain from the existing pain of my upper shoulder, or maybe just maybe it is really a lump.

Before I left home approximately 7 months back, I had gone for a breast scan and was given the clear, so I have decided to let it be for a few more days or weeks before making another appointment. I don’t want to be stressed out on this discovery, the future’s not ours to see………………. Que sera sera!!!!!

This entry will be a calendar reminder, in case I might need a record for the future.

7 Months And Over Weight

After 7 months, 6 kgs over weight, I am left with no other alternative, either be faaaaaaaatttttttttt in my old age, or drag my lazy ass to the GYM!!!!!! I choose the later sadly :)

Goodbye Michael

I sat glued for more than two hours watching the live telecast of the memorial ceremony for Michael Jackson, switching channels between CNN and MTV. I can’t remember how many times I just cried, it was too moving, too sad, too painful just knowing that he will finally be laid to rest.

I know what it felt like to be tormented, ridiculed, and judged unfairly. I know how it felt to have to keep your suffering within you, I know what it felt to keep on running, I know how it felt to cry all those lonely tears, as the world keeps on laughing at you.

May be now they will leave you alone Michael, maybe now you are in a better place where there is no more mocking, sneering and being looked at differently other than like the man you are in the mirror.

I will miss you Michael, don’t be afraid to be walking in the path of the Lord. Rest in peace will you.

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.

I Was Peed On (Aku Kena Kencing)

When will I ever learn? At this age now I should have known better right? But, sadly that was not the case; I was peed on yet again (aku kena kencing lagi). Yeah, go ahead and laugh at my so easily trusting nature, though I was always conscious, but when I meet my own country people in a strange land, I just want to believe them always.

A familiar question `Are you from the Philippines?’ was the ice breaking and got us rolling into an….. oh so missing home style conversation. When he used the words `saya Penang mali’ (I am from Penang), it was undeniably that was the way we talked there. I was delighted, happy and so willing to go on exchanging stories. He seemed so genuine in telling me to be careful where I go and who I befriend, because there are too many fake places and people here. I was like, alright, noted.

In his shop he was offering me some good discounts as he claimed, and that I will not be given the same price anywhere else. What the heck why wait right, just get what I want and leave, he even gave me 4 postcards as gratis. He waved his goodbye with good wishes for my stay as I was leaving.

Three shops down, I discovered that they were selling the same stuff at a cheaper price, ok, whatever. Then on our last night out, just next to our hotel in a souvenirs’ shop, the stuff was selling at nearly half of the price that I had early paid to my country man.

Need I say more? Malaysia Boleh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bullshit always.

Please Disembark

Yes, this is the second time that I experience the request to disembark a due to taxi plane. First when I was flying out from Algeria to Dubai en route Casablanca a couple of years back. Funny thing was that from the window of my seat I could see my familiar Timberland luggage bag on the tarmac, together with my Samsonite document bag, and was just wondering what was going on when my name was announced to step to the back of the plane. I was surprised of course, but not afraid or shocked, I went to the tarmac and met with the flight security people, they wanted to confirm that those bags were mine and that I was checking them through to Dubai, though I am making a stop at Casablanca. Well, that was my working life before. I have to work to survive and to give my kids the best.

Anyways, yesterday, we were all seated on the A-320 flight and were about 5 minutes to flying time, when an announcement was made for all the back row passengers to disembark the plane. I was already sleeping, by the way this has become my habit, once I am seated in the plane, I will just doze off till mid air, arrrrrr…………….. my sleep is being disturbed now. Obediently, all of us from the back row marched out of the plane, only to be greeted by strong winds and light rain, as well as the smell of jet fuel which was being blown by the moving propeller.

Most of the passengers were on the tarmac, I just stood on the stairs of the plane, while making stupid conversation with one of the passenger and waving to my little angel, who was so obedient to be standing on the tarmac. We were told that they were experiencing some technical problems, and that the back door of the plane refused to be shut, and it will take some time to resolve the problems.

During moments like this my contemplating mind will be all over the place, the I wish I would have done list just come flashing and racing each other in my train of thoughts.

Alhamdulillah, for a smooth touchdown after more than 2 hours of flying. Thank you Lord.

An Evening In London

How can I deny her all the interesting places that she had read about this place, we were so short for time, but we managed to do a lot of things. May be there will be a next time for my little angel.

A Concert For Peace And Humanity ..... We Pray For You Palestine

I love you, you are the beginning of my soul
and you are the end
You are the air that undresses in front of me
like tears of the grape

Be proud, be proud!
No matter who dislikes you,
You remain, in my eyes and flesh, an angel
You remain, as my love wants me to see you

And we love life, if we find a way to it
We dance in between two martyrs
and raise a minaret for palm trees or violet
and we steal from the silkworm a thread
to build a sky and fence in this departure

Food Festival

It is the first of July, Alhamdulillah Chef Diva started her industrial training today. I was very happy when she was accepted here, as this means that we can be together again, and one less worrying for me to do.

We also decided to go for the food festival which is currently in town. As soon as we stepped out of the house, there was a sudden downpour, we had to turn back to take the umbrellas and jackets, while at the same time contemplating to cancel the trip all together. However, since we were already quite wet with rain, we proceeded.

The food spread from several countries was wonderful, Chef Diva and hubby shared a plate of kangaroo meat from Australia, I had salmon teppanyaki, my little angel went for some Mexico’s taco and salsa, we also shared an authentic local dish, a plate of kaftah, and ended the evening with a plate of banana chocolate crepe.

How I wish to find my own country food on display……………… regretfully there were none.