I Want To Be An Able Me Again

I need a break from my routine, and by that I mean for the pain to leave me body and soul.

For a day at least:

I want to be able to unbuckle my bra again without help,

I want to be able to scrub my back without help,

I want to be able to pull up my pants without help,

I want to be able to put on my boots without help,

I want to be able to wake up from bed without help

And

The list can go on, but just for a day I want to be an able me again.

Wordless Sunday

Come Hug Me..................... It's FREE

I learned about free hugs while watching the controversial story of Juan Mann on Oprah a long time back. I thought it was a noble mission to be able to reach out and hug a stranger just to brighten up their lives.

On one windy day while I was walking alone on the ever so famous tourist street in the first district, I saw a young lady standing alone with a cardboard placard that reads “FREE HUGS”, I stopped and watched a couple of people going to her for a free hug. Something about the lady caught my eyes, it was her bruised face, it was as though someone had beaten her on the face, and it was blue black.

Taking out my camera to snap her picture, she just stood there and smiled at me, I was still struggling with my focusing, then she open her arms reaching out to me for a hug. I felt a little bit awkward initially, but she continued reaching out for me, then I felt that it was so right to go and hug her, and the picture taking was forgotten.

We hug and her hugs were so genuine and sincere, I don’t know why but suddenly we both were silently sobbing, tears were just flowing from our eyes. She whispered to me “Thank you for making me happy”, in return I told her “You make my day”. We hug a little bit longer. Then we let go, but as I was leaving something told me to give her another hug. We hug again, we cry again, this time longer, not caring if anyone was watching us, or if anyone saw the tears from our eyes. The wonderful feeling of being hug by a stranger was just magical.

I left without turning back, the strong wind blew my tears all over my face, I don’t feel ashamed that I cried, all I could remember was that young lady out there waiting for me, reaching out for me, happy to see me, to smile at me and to hug me.

She was just staring right through me.

No ACTA PleASE

  

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

Oh WoW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Have not tried these sauces yet, they are new arrival and I will have to read the content label before trying

 The two bottles of magical fruit pickle, alhamdulillah after sooooooooo many years.  The small bottle is finish and done with.  The 'maggi cukup rasa' is also new to me, yet to try, will read label and content first

 

 HiGoat ............... for the protein but mostly calcium for my old bone, did not try yet

 Picture story.............. need I write anything more (tersangat rindu)

 

 Yeap, the much awaited anchovies and dried chili

 

 The fish crackers .................. errr, that is not so much left anymore

 The spices but of course

 This is the ready made peanut sauce, I hope I can hold on to this for my lonely days :P

Oh wow, my, my .................... need I write anymore, all I can write is that we have been deprived

Finally, thank you darling daughter and a very dear friend.  Do come often.............. I like!!!!!!!!!

Who Am I Kidding?

 

A couple of nights back I got up in the middle of the night, and let my mind play the wandering game, not the wondering game, but wandering. I was imagining myself in places that hold a lot of meaning in my life, and among people who understand my language.

The weather is getting better now, so the moon was also there smiling at me, encouraging me to go on wandering. I miss university life, I miss most of the islands that I have travelled to, I miss my charitable cancer group, most of all I miss real people.

I realized that I do not want to get lost in this life. I am not here to satisfy anyone but me, I honestly could not be bothered with suckers and duplicity. I just want to rest and be happy, and I need all that rest now.

I got a glimpse of the beautiful moon again and decided to capture some pictures. This is to confirm that the moon was smiling down at me when my mind was wandering in some directions without a compass. But I am happy.

I think for a moment I was navigating my way through....... reflecting, and healing. Yes, healing, healing of too many broken me.

In my mind I can only imagine walking and walking down similar and far too familiar road. Will I be mended before my expiry, will I? There is no easy answer to that. Who am I kidding?

This is life and I will keep on trying to do my best.

What Was Cooking?

 

We had salmon and leek quiche for dinner, prepared and served by CD.  No other quiche in this world tasted this good, I promise you that........... 

 My breakfast in bed, compliment from hubby.  It is his ever famous fried Indo mee with near burnt yellow onion and fried egg of course.

 

Since he does not want to eat the fried Indo mee, I made this spinach rolls for him, and his favorite dip to go with it.  The dip is actually a very common dip in the house, made of yellow onion, garlic, bird eye chili, lemon juice, sweet soya sauce and thin soya sauce. We have this dip in the fridge all the time.

 Dark chocolate chips muffin, requested by hubby.

We had vegetable pot pie for dinner yesterday, the filling with hard boiled eggs and cheese, I forgot to take picture of the vegetable pot (my bad, next time, may be)

 The best shortcrust pastry ever prepared by, who else? but CD

 

 I cut some holes for the vapor to escape during baking

 The egg wash pastry and pie ready to go into the oven

 

 The ready vegetable pot pie, cooling time before cutting

  

What more left to say.................... delicious

 Oh yeah, chicken liver with black pepper and yellow onion for you know who........ hubby!!!!!

Letting Go

I trusted hubby with letting go of my hair today. It was not an easy decision, but I guess it is better now than later. It is better not to see the hair falling off by itself gradually.

In his eyes, he thinks I am still cute…………………………… well thank you honey.

Because I Was Not In The Mood

Because I was not in the mood, he happily took over the kitchen................ thank you dear

 The ingredients and utensils 

 Melting the margarine and dark chocolate  

 Deep in concentration

 Smiling for me 

 Mixing the eggs with the melting chocolate and margarine 

 Reading work email too.........................

 Ready for the oven 

 Into the oven the brownie goes 

The ready product, not too bad, though a little bit too dry