The Time Is Now

The Time Is Now

If you are ever going to love me,

Love me now, while I can know

The sweet and tender feelings

Which from true affection flow.

Love me now

While I am living.

Do not wait until I'm gone

And then have it chiseled in marble,

Sweet words on ice-cold stone.

If you have tender thoughts of me,

Please tell me now.

If you wait until I am sleeping,

Never to awaken,

There will be death between us

And I won't hear you then.

So, if you love me, even a little bit,

Let me know it while I am living

So I can treasure it.

~Author unknown

Today

Hubby came out of the bathroom jumping with joy this morning

He said, “Honey, I have a surprise for you”

I was like ok, bring it on

And he went, “I am taking the day off tomorrow to keep you company”

Smiling, I said “Thank you”, yes I like it when he is home

We practically do nothing, just talk, play scrabble like a 100 times, eat and sleep or may be take a walk in the evening

His reason for the day off is because he does not want me to stay home alone too much and start contemplating my existence

Ok, whatever!!!!!!!!!!!

Our movement is being halted for a moment due to some unavoidable circumstances, but it is alright. I am not going to be frustrated by this or affected by the sudden change again.

April will be here soon, and I have every reason to look forward to that

Hubby will be away for a week in April…………………. But I will not be alone, I will have the company of someone that I am missing so so much

We also have got the birthday girl her gift, just to organize how she is going to get it. In any case time does not matter; the thought that comes with the gift is everything.

Today, I started drinking my acai berry drink again

And today I don’t know why for some inexplicable reason I made the worst ever “cokodok pisang”, and guess what? I have to eat them all by myself………………….

Hubby’s shake of his head indicates that …………….. “nah, I am not having that”

My day so far……………….. interesting

Summer Of My Dream

Today, I told myself that I will live the best life I can. I am not going to be bleeding from my heart for the children that I hold very very close. I will go out and breath the spring air, enjoy the smiling sun and walk the steps that I needed.

I will eat good foods to nourish my body and keep the sanity of my mind. I will swear at any kind of bitchiness as much as I want and as loud as I care. I will start caring for my skin again as though I have just known what cleansing and mask are all about. I will put on my best attire and let the eyes admire me.

I will be present in my body, aware of myself, my surrounding and let my legs carry me where I want to go happily. I will be grateful to the strength granted to me by the Lord. I will be more receptive of my surrounding by expanding my mind with knowledge shared. I will hope that Japan will build up quickly for they are the best people that I have known in this world. I will try to connect with only friends and family who are no nonsense. I will only want the best in my life.

For now the bitter winter is behind me, and I am positive that spring is a few months away from the summer of my dream.

PhD Someday

Got up this morning with a horrible horrible headache, there was a moment I felt like throwing up. Looking at my watch it was only 0535 hours.

I know this is a sign that I am stressed.

Of late my eyesight has been bothering me a lot too, I don’t know if it is the glasses, or something else that I could not pinpoint just yet.

Trying to sleep again is useless; I took a banana and then swallowed down my magic pill to help ease my headache.

Many things are stressing me out, I miss my angels, I am pressured to put all my puzzles together as quickly as I possibly could.

I am moving and running yet I feel that I am stuck, as though I am being tied down with a heavy chain.

Moments like these are not doing me good, everything is agitating me.

Voices are echoing in my head, telling me that I should let go, that I should take a grip of my life and do justice to myself

I know that most days, I am crying inside pondering the what ifs?

90 percent of my life I have been sacrificing while the other 10 is living to be a provider for the 90 percent, I need to reach the mile stone

I want that piece of paper that I have to abandon because it will be selfish for me to get that paper and not provide for the 90 percent.

There were days that I wonder, would my life have been any different with that piece of paper in my hand, would I have been where I want to be, why does that piece of paper mean so much to me?

I have no answer; all I can say is that I pride myself with academic achievement.

Someday, maybe when I am more stable and free of the 90 percent, someday maybe, I will have that piece of paper that I yearn for so much

Someday may be ………………………. PhD………………. Someday.

Soil, Rock And Fun

From her angle - Geography Field Day

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

From her angle - swimming carnival

Moana Beach Adelaide

February 13, 2011

My Girlfriend And Me

After a break of friendship for almost 8 months, following numerous emails and messages, I decided to give this friendship another go. It is nice when forgivness seeps in your heart and the excitement of that first hello is made easy, and the flow of conversation seems to not end.

So in the meantime I told her what I have been doing or rather my height of excitement and my very low of being not exciting at all in certain things in life while I blocked her off (amazing, how I can be very nasty).

- I went to settle many things down under
- I visited relatives whom I have not met for more than 20 years
- I moved to a new location and got the unit number that I like, and it is slowly taking shape to the comfy zone that I like
- I am still not working and spending my husband’s earning (poor him)
- I got more obsessed with Lady GaGa, and fell in love all over again with her new video clip
- I finally lost that loving feeling and stop shopping for kids
- I had many daring changes of hair style, believe it all in the 8 month period, and my hair is roasted according to one hairdresser down under
- I managed to upset my husband so much that he freaked out and started his own blog http://debugthiscode.blogspot.com (he he he)
- I have been such a bad bad girl that caused me to gain at least 5 more kgs
- I got sick and rode in an ambulance to the hospital (whoot! Whoot!)
- I changed my obsession of Coke Light to Diet A&W (try it, seriously you will not want any other drink

AND

- My poor girlfriend is still stuck in a very very very bad marriage. Her husband has been in and out of relationships more than she even bothers to know.
- Her new tenant nearly got her beautiful second home burnt from sheer ignorance.
- She was told that she is not contributing much to the office, yet was given a S$500 raised (who cares? Money matters).
- Her husband’s boss’s wife told her in the face that her husband is having an affair because she could not have children (men and their excuses).
- And yeah, she got a Samsung Galaxy for her Xmas present, and still wondering how to operate it 3 months after.

I hope this friendship will now come to stay.

Pancakes And Light Maple Syrup

Saturday, the rain continues, nonstop, making everything so gloomy and grey

I sat glued on my bed watching the latest news on Japan

Hubby still deep in sleep, once in a while I have to slap his back to stop him from snoring

Went online but none of my angels were there to wave at me

Emails are becoming very limited these days, as everything is already in order

Multitasking, I started to read through some of the champ stories

Once in a while hoping for at least one of the angels to come and chat with me

The news become too bothersome, CNN famous for their repetition

Switching channels I decided on Zone Reality, but it was airing something pathetic

It is not helping my mood………????????

By now my stomach is crying for food, and I am feeling a bit hypo

Hubby has to be forced out of bed, so that he remembers I am the queen

For in the weekend I turn from the shabby maid to the ferocious queen

All I want was pancakes with the light maple syrup to be served in bed

Oooppppssssssssssss……………………… there is no more milk in the refrigerator I remember

Poor hubby has to go and get the milk, for once I set my mind there is no changing it

It may sound that I am a big bully but no, we have to have equal rights

While he was gone, my little angel came online to chat, this made my morning

Next Chef Diva was on skype with me, but her microphone was kaput

“We will talk tomorrow ok ma”, she typed, and of course we will darling

No sign of my medic princess just yet, am not sure where she can be

My Saturday is alright so far, I have my pancakes with the light maple syrup

Hemmmm………………….. but now the King is demanding for curry

So much for a weekend queen!!!!!!!!!!!

My Lost Battle

It was raining the whole night last night and still raining this morning

The wind was whimpering like a little child in pain, so strong and so loud

We have to leave the house early for an important appointment

Made a pit stop at McDonald for a quick breakfast

The clock said that we still have a lot of time to spare

But walking in the rain could take more than we anticipated

Got a smile and was mistaken again for a Pilipino by the building receptionist…… ?????

Go through security scan, as usual it beeps when I pass …………….?????

Appointment went well, we were happy, Alhamdulillah

Left the building, rain still pouring, hubby put my hood on

My Kilimanjaro was worth every cent from the sale price that I bought

Walking back to the station, we were happy planning on top of more plans

Then …………… hubby said “honey look at the earthworm”

I freaked out, screaming and shrilling, as I tiptoed in the rain, not caring for any looks that came my way

I swear my heart could have stopped, there were hundreds of them, some squashed, some flatten to their skins, but more were wriggling proudly on their fat belly, so long and so so gross, on the road in the falling rain

My steps have now become hops, jumps, dances, I don’t know what

I was just literally losing my mind at their disgusting sight

Oh it was a battle with the earthworms for me this morning

And a battle that I surrender with white flags held high up

I hate them, hate them, and will always hate them

Hubby had his five minutes of fun and was still laughing at me as we parted ways.

Home Alone

Tonight I am home alone; hubby has to stay in the hospital to undergo some testing. Tomorrow at 0600 hours he will be in the OR for a minor procedure. I will come around to fetch him once he is out of the anesthetic, InsyaAllah.

Missing you !!!!!!

Racism

I was super angry today; some idiot made my temperature rise to above the boiling point. Not that I have never dealt with morons, but there were days that made me wonder if this world is saturated with morons.

Stupid people are horrible, but stupid people trying to act smart are a real disaster. I equate stupidity to some races, call me racist, I will say; “yes, indeed I am. I even hate my own race.”

For the first time since nearly five years here, I let go of my tongue, holding nothing back, knowing very well that my call and conversation was being recorded. I don’t give a shit. Stupid people honestly should be eliminated wherever they may be.

A friend told me, for example in Australia, they said that their unemployment rate is actually zero, but if there is anything at all that is in print indicating a certain percentage of unemployment, this is because these groups of people were beyond employment. Therefore, they created the statistic and they are none other than the stupid morons.

So maybe someday, the recording of my voice will be aired to show that racism exists so be it. I am not going to deny that that was my voice, neither am I going to be proud of it, but I stand for what I believe in.

Her Corner

What started as a sad journey is now her home away from home. She learned to love her corner, and missing it when she was away on homestay recently. My little angel is blending in. I am hoping in time to come she will bloom like a wonderful and delightfully furious tiger lily.

Can We?

When someone comes to you and confesses that he/she is feeling so suicidal and the feelings has been harboring for a long time. How will you react?

1- Try talking him/her out of it
2- Encourage him/her to get help
3- Tell him/her go ahead and do it
4- Just ignore the telltale signs of an attention seeker
5- Block him/her totally from being your friend/associate

While the dead lay sleeping, the living are left wondering what could possibly have gone wrong in the very last second. More than often you would like to blame the people who carry on with the suicidal act as being selfish, nasty and inconsiderate.

The turmoil of no return must be coiling unending in his/her mind before having the courage to end the one life that is so precious, but can we blame them, can we possibly spite them, or can we leave them in a grave so dark yet unforgotten?

What if fate was more consuming in managing his/her walks along this path of life that freewill has nothing to do with such action at all? Where do we go from here? Can we find it in our hearts to forgive them and at least let them go to the forever sleep peacefully?

Can we?

Excuse Me

As I watched an 11 year old obese boy being ditched in the last minute of a group practice on American Idol, I cannot help but think of my three angels. The world is indeed full of too many uncertainties, when you thought that everything is within your grasp, it can just slip away without any warning.

I want them to live a life with the norm that I have instilled in them. It does not matter if they are reaching for the stars or diving to the bottom of the ocean, I want them to be able to stand alone, stand tall and above all believe in themselves. The Lord is watching, so trust no one but Him.

For all of you who love to smell their undies, I beg you leave my daughters alone. They have been fine with me and insyaAllah, they will always be fine. Go mind some other people's business and one good advice to you and you and you, if you have nothing nice to say about them, PLEASE DO NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

To my angels “Be yourself because there is only one life to live. Go for your dream and do what you want to do, and never forget that the Lord is watching all of us, and I am inside each and every one of you.”

These homes we have here are just temporary ones. Yours can be in the mountain now but I am happy living in a home without a room.

So, if you can excuse me, please leave us alone.

We Can Minimize The Statistics

Today I read the sad story of a young fresh graduate who was defeated by metastatic high-grade unclassified sarcoma. It was tragic but she was not afraid. At the beginning of her diagnostic and following a major operation, she even refused to continue with pain killers to ease her pain, as it was not doing anything good to help her.

Seeing her smile when graduation was brought to her hospital bed; proudly adorning her graduation robe and mortar board, it clearly showed her courage about life. She was too weak to stand up yet strongly participating with everyone who was there to celebrate her. She was the youngest of three siblings, the Lord choose her among them as she said she was the strongest, and she was willing to face the sickness in her own way.

The big C was consuming her so fast, there was so much more that she wanted to do, ambitions to fulfill, the world to travel and the oceans to venture. But the Lord knows best and He took her home less than a year after she discovered the vengeance of the tumor.

My readers please support and donate to the research of Sarcoma; it is very much under-researched and under-funded. You can pick your own hospital or institution to donate, let’s make a different so that together we can minimize the statistics.

In pace requiescat “M”!

Just A Pebble

When you drop a pebble in the water, with just a splash it will be gone
Causing a hundred ripples that you cannot ignore
Mesmerizing you with the pattern of deep circles
And wondering where the end will go?

Learn from that drop of the pebble when you want to say some unkind careless words
It may be gone from your lips in a minute, in a second
But the effect of that carelessness will circle on and on for years to come
They will keep on spreading, refusing to be forgotten by generation
And there is no way to stop the nastiness of the flow even when you regret