This Is To Mother You

To all my kids, whom I have cradled with all the love that I have in me, who today are young adults and tasting the early meaning of life. I have seen the bruises of your hurt, the joy of your laughter and enjoy the smile of your success.

2010 has been a more challenging year for each and every one of you. Your frustration were at times too much for me to handle, but I have no time to ponder, I am the only pillar that you have to lean on, therefore, I become stronger knowing that I can still be around for you.

My hope for all of you for 2011 is to always stand united, never ever allow any outside factor to influence your love for each other to falter. Stay strong together no matter if you are divided by division of continents. Keep your secrets close to your hearts only. The world out there is uncertain, don’t be tempted by sweet talks and empty promises. Be aware always.

Remember when one or two or three of you have and will start your family unit, never ignore your responsibility to your youngest sister. If you have 10 cents in your pocket and she needed 15, do not wither but give her what is needed, for she still has a long way to go.

I love you, each and every one of you more that I love me. All the best for 2011 and may the Lord deliver to you all what you need.

Mama loves you always, forever more and most!!!!!!

You Are Still The One

For all the turbulence and the trials that we had gone through, from sharing a bowl of porridge in a land not ours, to sharing all the hurtful tears, and all the knuckle promises, I am proud that we have made it.

Through all the scorns that the world had thrown at us, and all those bad eyes that we try so hard to hide from, I am glad that it was your hand that I am holding on.

We have gone so far from the first hello, we walked more than the miles that we possibly could have, we fell and picked each other up, we fought and we shout, yet I am so happy that it is with you I call home.

Good bye 2010 and all the mysteries that we will leave unlocked. I am looking forward to welcoming 2011 with you and roll the dice of our life in search of a new beginning in yet another land not ours.

I love you honey more that I think you know. I may be that little twig butt-less woman that you choose to call a wife, but I am here to stay and share your moments of up and down.

Happy 2011 my Snaily!!!!

Invasion Of The Noodle

More than a couple of years here now, I realized many changes that will not be reported or written in a tourist forum or journal. First and foremost the crime rate is getting higher, we were surprised when announcements were made about the regularity of pick pockets at the ever so crowded train stations.

Racism is more apparent, you can see how majority of the locals will show their distaste towards some nationalities. Drug joints are more open despite police being stationed everywhere, and the daredevil of suicides in front of a moving train are more regularly reported.

However, to top the changes here I would say is the invasion of the noodles’ joint. They just mushroom out of nowhere and honestly everywhere, from tiny dark corner shops to grand new international stations, you see them and keep on seeing them. It is just amazing how they managed to overtake the ever so famous doner kebab stalls; I can easily say almost by 50 percent now.

Yesterday evening, I decided to stand and watch them making the fried noodles, just to see what are the magic ingredients that could make them so in demand here, besides the price of 1.99 Euro for a box?

This is what I saw; first the noodle was fried with some oil and a kind of stock, which I assumed must be the stock from the chicken cubes, next a handful of sugar was poured on the noodles together with a handful of salt. They were mixed together, next come the shredded carrot and spring onion, further mix, then a ladle full of thin soya sauce and a ladle full of diluted oyster sauce, last a cup (trust me just a cup or may be two) of beansprout (because this is expensive here).

Just look at the finished product, it was mainly the noodle with very little else, you could hardly see the carrot as well as the spring onion, let’s not mention the beansprout. So this is what they call a meal now, sad…………………… really so sad.

What can you say to a nation that claims the thin hard dry chicken schnitzel as their specialty? Nothing!!!!!!!

City Lake

Ginger Tea (just like the one that I always have in the SPA back there

The ever addictive salmon, avocado and sesami maki

Grilled squid with a tinge of burnt taste served with peanut sauce

This is a must unless and otherwise not available - Kangkong Belacan

Steamed rice (with or without is alright)

House speciality - steak with tomyam sauce

They give a new meaning to Pisang Goreng, simply a tease to your palate

When home is where your heart is, I finally found a place to compliment the meaning of home. In the cold, wet, gloomy winter weather, City Lake you never fail to keep my heart burning with your warm welcome, cheery smilling faces, and above all the best food that I could think of.

Window Display

Interesting window display....................... oops spot the odd one out.

Jeng Jeng Jeng !!!!!!!!

Yesterday I was wired up and have to carry a measuring indicator or machine or whatever you want to call that thing. It was kind of stupid and hilarious, for 24 hours I felt like an I robot for most part of the time, and a ticket conductor for some part of the time.

For the whole night I had to change my position of sleeping, I am so used to be sleeping on my left but because of the machine and the wire I had to sleep on my right. I was so happy when morning came, as this means that I am hours away from taking the gadget out.

The time that we left the house, it was not that cold, but it really was gloomy, so grey and gloomy. It suddenly got me thinking of those Christopher Lee Dracula movies, where you can hear the trotting of horses or the crow and see the bat flying, yet no other life is visible. It was indeed a similar scene this morning.

Riding on the tram, I could hardly see anything except for the sad gloomy morning where the sun refused to smile. As the tram moved I wanted to play some prank by standing up and asking the passengers to show me their tickets. However, looking at their unwashed faces, they seem to be sadder than the grey gloomy morning.

The new hospital is just great, I did not have to wait long, it was such a relief once the wire and machine were taken off me…………..uhhhh!!!! I have to wait approximately 10 minutes before they called me in for my ECG and further monitoring. After which the doctor told me about the recording of the night before.

Next appointment tomorrow for further testing, and I have to come again a week after to repeat the test, and finally on January 3, 2010 the doctor will let out the secret of Pandora's box………………….. jeng jeng jeng!!!!!!!!!!

Today, I Thought

Sometimes the most random everyday things and experiences force me to stop and rethink. Through these encounters the truths and perceptions I have ingrained in my mind will become clearer pictures of my own reflection.

The experience may be just a simple incident and or moments but it thus provokes the meaning of my life. One way or the other it got me thinking about the chapters of fate.

I am sharing some of those moments that may not have such an impact but indeed a deep meaning to every second of my existence here.

1. Tonight, I was sitting on my bed watching my two angels trying to struggle themselves in my bed and under my blanket. From their body language, I could tell that they will be missing this moment with me soon and I realized that I will be missing them more. Two and one year respectively being with me here, they both made me think that precious moments are to be treasured and not to be taken for granted.

2. Today, after so many false promises and cheap hopes, I asked myself what my expectation of people will be. My answer, “Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be.”

3. Today, I remember attending the ‘wake’ of a friend, and I realized how death is to be celebrated and not to be mourned with sorrow. I saw many unfamiliar faces but they have only come together to remember what laughter and joy the demised has brought to each and every one of their lifes. I smile remembering some of the things that was said.

4. Today, I took Chef Diva out for another quality time. Weirdly enough we were not laughing our head off for nothing like usual, I gather it must be the cold wind that had taken all the senses away from her. She seems a bit quirky, and deep in thought, I wonder why.

5. Today, I waited anxiously for any of my angels to come and chat with me online, but none were there. I felt that life is passing me by; I contemplate their need for me as much as my need for them.

6. Today, I walked out alone in silence looking around me for some familiar faces to call my own but there were none. As I passed by all the shops I could only see my own reflection making me realize that it is time to let go.

7. Today, a friend became our guest. Through all the talks and laughter I still wonder how truthful can this person be? Buying me a present and promising to meet for Christmas, but I could only see blank promises. Could it be her or just my misjudgments again?

8. Today, I realized why I don’t like snow. It is only pretty for a moment, but underneath it lays all the darkness of miseries and fake of a beauty. It got me thinking about many people that are just like the snow. People of darkness, was it fate that I keep encountering them as I walk on my life?

9. Today, I saw a pretty scary looking guy who had a tall red Mohawk and tattoos and piercings all over his exposed body. I was quick to judge until I saw him helping a young mother lift her baby’s stroller onto the tram. Never ever judge a book by its cover, old proverb but lesson should be long learned already.

10. Today, I married the man that has come to my dreams way before we actually met. All this time I have been kissing too many frogs to find a man I could call my prince. He came and conquered my life, half my age younger than me he is a living proof that not all good man are taken yet. I just have to open my eyes and heart to the right one. Thank you Lord for a gift of a wonderful man.

11. Today, I got the opportunity to smell my grandson for the very first time. It is such precious moment that I wish and pine for over and over again.

12. Today, as I was riding on the tram and saw that man again sitting on the pavement in front of the shop, which spot has become his home; I wonder what a life wasted? May be someday I will see him tying some yellow ribbons around all the oak trees, may be.

13. Today, I checked my account balance and realized. “I couldn’t be any more broke!” I cried letting my tears flow shamelessly as I walked outside to gleam at the grey skies. Just then a dirty looking homeless man limped out dragging his possession of trash, why do I cry over a negative balance?

14. Today, I saw this man kneeling on his knee and holding a sign that reads “Ich bin Hunger”. I was so tempted to give him some change until I realized that he has been hungry since summer and still kneeling in the winter.

15. Today, I greeted my husband with anger when I opened the door, when in his hand he was holding a stalk of beautiful white lily for me. I forgot the sweetness of this man because I am too consumed by my own self-centered.

16. Today, I spent more than three hours with my cancer stricken girlfriend, and walked away wondering what was it that she wanted to tell me but left without saying it?

Free Will?

Sitting in our kitchen together eating our dinner, it feels kind of hollow without the noise of the angels. We will always make conversation during dinner, this is the best time to tell each other of our day, hubby his day at work, and me at home.

I told him that I got an email from my sister and that there was a sad story of suicide, someone who towards the end of a journey as a cancer victim decided to have the hands on to his ending, rather than waiting for the cancer to totally consume him.

We discussed at length about fate and free will, which of this is the path that we should rail on? The dialogue cannot be an easy one, as I was born and raised as a Muslim, of course hubby is a new comer and has a very scientific mind to address every angel of a situation.

In the evening we had a guest, so we decided to see her point of view in this matter of ending your own life. Are we ordaind by virtue of fate that free will does not play any more role in our life, I was tought to believe that since the early stage of fetal development, our life path has already been mapped. What choice do we then have to change what should or should not?

Hubby thus looked at the physic side of life, taking into consideration that we are actually living in a multi dimensional universe. This therefore will go to explain that in one universe we have been dead, but in another universe we are living our life as normal, while another universe determines the pendulum of us. Whatever, proof that we can read theoretically at the end of the day fate is the way of living.

I believe when someone ends his life so untimely he must have already weighed all the consequences, determined that being in another universe is better than the current universe. Does the factor of those left behind come into the account?

I don’t know, will never know but I believe that there is no such thing as free will, do you?………………………. Again, Dr. H, I think your advise is most appreciated.

So, So What?

So what if my private doctor is a Jew and I choose to continue using his services? We are all human after all; he does his work diligently and gives me all the tender loving care that I need as a patient.

So what if I am being referred to the Cardiologist for the second? Life has to go on and instead of thinking, pondering, lamenting about death, why don’t we start living and savor the good times, while we are still here.

So what if you think I am crazy in even considering getting that gold color winter boots? They said it was a collector’s item and was inspired by the man who walked on the moon, well that matters.

So what if the snow keeps falling, and I never get bored sitting at my window, watching the snow fall, again and again? I am pretty sure there is no one that I am hurting in doing so.

So what if you keep on talking about me? But it is important that I am getting to do the last laugh. They said those who laugh last laugh longer. Believe me, I am.

So what if the ticket price is getting higher by the hour? I believe if you have to do something, you will find a way to make this happens.

So what if you know that I am moving? You don’t owe me my life, neither I you.

So what if this pair of glasses that I bought about 7 months ago cost me a bomb and it is failing me now? I believe that if you see something that you like and at that moment of time has got the avenue to possess it, just go for it and don’t look back.

So what this is my life, stop trying to interfere with it. Don’t even try because you will not even get past the preface of this life of mine.

So, so what?

Nieces Are Like Cotton Candy

Hearing the squeal of excitement from their voices today, bring back sweet memories of all my nieces that I adore, love and cherish. It was kind of weird what transpire me to call them one by one today, but I have been told that they missed me a lot.

Before my decision to take a job assignment out of the country, my home was home for each and every one of them. They are most welcome for a short visit, a one night stay, or as long as they like. There are no boundaries in my house, what my children eat, they eat, where my children go, they will go too, what TV programs my children watched they will too, basically they are like my own.

However, there must always be a reason for a boundary to be broken, or for happiness to be cut short, or a good relationship to be tarnished. Whatever, happened, happens for many reasons that I wish not to know, neither do I want to waste my time to ponder on. One thing will always remain constant is that I am their auntie and the favorite one, so they claim as long as I am breathing.

After talking to them I try to visualize each and every one of their faces, each unique character, and behavior, each one of them has a special something that I will take with me wherever I may be. If we are never destined to meet again, I know I have once upon a time loved them as much as I possibly could.

Nieces are like cotton candy, pretty, sweet and sticky. They all will stick to me as though I am the mother hen sheltering them from the piercing eyes of the hawk. I am smiling as I am writing this entry, remembering how one of them used to fight with my little angel because my niece wanted me as her mother, and they start arguing until one has to give up. They were tiny and innocent then, now they are young adults, and I bet each of them must be as pretty as a picture.

May the Lord keep you my nieces safe, healthy and happy always………………… I love you.

We Will Miss You At Count down

In my previous entry I wrote how playful my two little angels can be, even on the night of the packing they were busy playing rather than doing what they were supposed to do.

Anyways, on the day of their departure, they were still packing and trying to organize their belongings. I let them be and do what I would do best every day, watching CNN, and taking up the challenge of the Iron Frog (go figure).

We left the house quite early, as I was contemplating their overweight luggage. Alhamdulillah everything went well despite their overweight. While waiting for hubby to come from the office, I took them for a light lunch.

At lunch and being the norm at departure, I keep reminding them what to do, what not to do, what to tell and what not to tell. We poke joke at one another, to hide the sadness of departure, then out of nowhere Chef Diva took out a bag containing presents for hubby and me.

When I opened my present and read the home made card, I nearly let go of my soft emotional side again, but wait a minute I managed to hold my tears. They had bought me this little angel perfume that I was so smitten by and of course a Star Wars character for hubby.

Despite their playfulness, they never forget when it comes to being the sweet thoughtful them. Thank you darling, may you both have a nice merry Xmas too.

We will be missing you at this year’s count down.

Never Wither

Sitting here alone, and arranging the shortcuts to my desktop I came across a couple of your pictures. Despite opening folders after folders I keep coming back and looking at your pictures. Only the Lord knows what you have gone through in your life, but as your mother I know that you are never one bitter person.

There were days that you went to school with your face all puffed up, blue black from being abused by your father, but you stand tall and never wither, you went to school avoiding questions of the obvious, smiling and laughing as though nothing had gone wrong.

There were nights that you sit up late doing the wedding baskets of your only brother, while we were all already deep in our dreams, you never wither for the love of your brother, you stay, burning and cutting your fingers at times, but you never avoid the responsibility of a gift.

There were moments when I was not around you took the task of a mother, cooking, cleaning and waiting on your two younger sisters, you never wither, yet you shower them and shelter them with so much love, and you never avoid this moment of a task.

There were hours that you will walk the mile to defend your family, no matter what, not knowing any fear that could befall, you stand by each and every one of your siblings, and you never wither.

Looking at your pictures again, I thank the Lord for a special daughter like you. You take all the bitterness that was thrown at you gracefully. You never hate, yet you come for more, your never close your door, you keep it open all the time.

Alia, you are indeed a very special gift to me and I want you to know that. I may be stern, and hard, and a tyrant for all you know, but I did all that because I know behind this very strong front that you put to the public, you are actually a very fragile person, and I only want you to be able to fight back without breaking.

This one is for you Alia…………………………. Never wither!!!!!!

Have I Told You?

Last Saturday, we had to take another big step in our life, meaning hoping to seal and patch another piece of jigsaw to complete another milestone of the movement. It was never that easy to drag ourselves out in the chilling weather, but this we have.

The meeting was scheduled at 1400 hours and by the time we arrived at the meeting place, it was so packed with tourists as well as locals. This is our all-time favorite coffee place. Hubby managed to find a place in the red room for us; the meeting proceeds with friendly talks, more friendly talks, some jokes, some information shared and later to serious business. In the end we got what we had come for, Alhamdulillah.

By the time we decided on the deal, hubby and me realized that we had not had lunch for the day, and it was already 1600 hours. After saying goodbye to the sweet couple, we decided to venture and look for the restaurant that serves ‘bolehland’ culinary. We had attempted to look for this place before when the girls were here but we got lost and could not find the place.

To cut the story short we found the place, and we ate till our heart content, Alhamdulillah, believe it or not, hubby requested to go to the same restaurant again the next day, but in my opinion all good things should be savored slowly with appreciation.

However, after dinner we were hurrying to catch the so much talked about Tangled aka Rapunzel 3D movie. As we left the restaurant, we noticed that the wind was super strong and walking out I could hardly feel the tip of my nose and ears anymore. We walked as fast as we could, suddenly a gush of strong wind just blew me away, I could not control myself, I was being pushed so fast to the middle of the road, it was scary, hubby had to run and catch me in order to hold me down.

We managed to run quickly for shelter at the nearest train station, thus it got me thinking that there were truth when we sometime see people hugging and holding on to a tree or a lamppost to protect themselves from being blown away. I will vouch to the truth of these pictures now.

By the way, did I tell you that Tangled aka Rapunzel was worth the rush and being blown in the wind.

The Night Before

Finally, they got packing; they were such a sight to watch. I was helping them for a while, until they started to fool around more than they were seriously packing. I don’t remember what time it was already, but I know it was late and I was past my bed time, so I decided to go to my room and watch them instead of continuing to help them.

The hall was already so messed up, each time I pulled a bag to make way; Chef Diva will put another one to block the way. It was so funny seeing them wanting to carry two years of belongings in a one night packing. From the number of bags that they have between them without doubt I know they will be overweight.

From the pictures you can see how playful they were and that packing was such a chore, in the end I don’t know what time they finished, I was already tucked in and happily sleeping after my nightly foot massage.

I would do anything to see their playfulness again and again…………………….. missing you more than I could have imagined.

When Auld Lang Syne Should Not Be The Song

They left, I know not what to do, to laugh, to cry, or to just be as ordinary as I am, and I think the later was the best. I want them to leave knowing that I will be alright, and that I know they will be alright too.

The hugs and the kisses can never be enough. They are my babies, forever will be. A chapter is closed today while another one is waiting to be opened. May the Lord keep them safe and give them the strength to never give up on anything.

I am reminding myself today that “Auld Lang Syne” will not be and should not be the song for our days, especially today.

I love you angels.

Kanyon A Dramatic Architectural

This is Kanyon Shopping Mall in Istabul, Turkey. The place reminded me so much of Pavilion in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. The only difference is that people who come to this mall here are well dressed and attired, I like that.

We were all in awe by the magnificence of this building; it is spectacular to say the least. Thus, it is not surprising when I later learned that Kanyon had won the 2006 Cityscape Architectural Review Award in the "Commercial Built" category, during a ceremony which was held in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, on 4 December 2006.

The tight security that comes with this building just makes it more comfortable for us to spend our time wondering for nothing in this building. We felt important (ehmmm…..). By the way on the same day and time that we were wondering aimlessly in the comfort of the securities, a suicide bombing was taking place just about 70 meters for Kanyon. We only get to know about the incident when we were back in our hotel room.

I hope someday the people here will appreciate what they have as compared to many others who could only dream of walking in such dramatic architecture.

Another Chapter Ceased

Seeing the dejected faces of my two angels is something that is not easy for me. It is sad looking at them waiting anxiously for the call to come through, something they had been anticipating for two days. What can I say more than what I have already.

Alhamdulillah, I always tell them that the Lord will only allow what is best for us and not what we think we always wanted for ourselves. There will be a time when we think that everything is in our grip, just to realize that those were the things that we needed less, so we should not waste time in contemplating what could have and could have not.

To boost up their self-esteem again, we eagerly got dressed to have another day of family and friends quality time. Chef Diva was not feeling too well though and the cold weather only makes her feel worse, but as always she is a good sport, at one point she had to rush back to the washroom of the cinema to puke. My poor Chef Diva.

We spent the rest of the day accompanying and help organize, her little sister’s get together cinema day cum farewell for all her dear friends, while they were watching “Despicable me”, the three of us went for “Megamind”. In the end we all had fun and that matters.

Being dejected is not a subject to ponder or reflect upon, but just another chapter that should be considered as ceased.