Happy Birthday Boy

28 years ago today, I held you in my arms
A bundle of joy only from God you come
Your smile, your cries, your scream
Was all but music to my ears
You were the joy of my life every minute and every second
Now, 28 years after, you are a husband, soon to be a father
I can only wish you all the best
I can only pray that God grant you every little thing your heart desires
My wishes for you my only Son
May you be a Wonderful husband forever
May you be a Responsible father to my grandson
May you be a Good brother to your three sisters
And may you still find a room for a little bit of love for your old mama
Happy 28th Birthday Boy
God bless

Some Habits Die Hard

60 Earth Hour ……. What a name? I agree that you have to be kind to save the world, but what have these people achieved so far, are they not the same people who destroy the world to start with.

I remember way before this earth hour thing, I have always been very diligent in the usage of electricity, my heart used to bleed each time I saw the electricity bill in our old house, my son would leave the air conditioner on 24/7, not mentioning the TV etc, it was tough then to just tell him to switch off, or the kids will use the dryer to dry just 1 shirt. It was such wastage to this humble earth, and a big hole in my already tattered pocket.

I decided to tone down on the usage of electricity, not initially conscious of saving the earth, but more so to saving my budget, however, I guess I got that habit extended a bit too far now. I would actually walk in the dark by using my sense of touch just like the blind, sit in the dark, so much so that it irritates my kids and hubby when they see me in the dark always. Now I even refuse to use the dishwasher, I will iron all clothes together, not one at a time, I will boil the potatoes and use the same water to boiled the eggs, the heater in the house runs on gas instead of electricity, etc…… but does this mean that the earth is being given another lease of life? Or I am a better organizer with my billing budget.

I believe that in every good thing there will be something bad and vice versa, propaganda like this is so last year, followers just follow to be ‘in’, but does it make an impact? I doubt because some habits die hard.

Saving the earth begins from your heart, not to shout out on 60 earth hour.

My Cheese Cake

For so long I wanted to make my own cheese cake, but I just don’t have the pushing factor to get going. However, being away from my Chef Diva, I am left with no option but to do it on my own. Finally on Tuesday, the time came for me to hit the kitchen and make my very first cheese cake.

The recipe was given by Chef Diva, like many of my cooking; I have to improvise, as my kitchen is not fully equipped. Can you imagine I don’t even have a rolling pin, so to crush the digestive biscuit; I simply put them in a zip bag and rolled over with a pestle stone. I also discovered (too late) that I don’t have a mixing bowl, and I have to blend the cream cheese, fresh cream and sugar, so my quick fix is to use my wok.

Initially this seem like a good idea, but when I got started cream cheese was flying all over, ermmm……… no time to get upset, I just keep going, and you know what? it works! the cream cheese and all was blended well and stiff, very nice and enough to be added on the biscuit base later.

Surprisingly it took me just over 30 minutes to make my cheese cake, and half of it was gone less than 10 minutes after dinner, it was very tasty and creamy and crunchy and limey and simply delicious.

I changed the ingredients to all low fat cheese, low fat fresh cream, bio brown sugar, low fat digestive biscuits and grade A lemon. It is healthy yes, but the taste remains as good.

Mom, Weddings And 'Sambal Telur'

While preparing lunch packs for hubby and my little angel this morning, somehow my mind was recalling some memories related to eggs, and this means weddings, at Malay weddings the host will give hardboiled eggs to the guests as a gesture of thanks.

Mom would drag us to weddings many a time in my younger life, this is not an outing that I like so much, attending a wedding with mom normally take at least a quarter of the day. From the moment we get dressed, she will be reminding us to behave when we are in front of the other guest, and that we do not shamed her with our attics.

Attending weddings means sitting politely on the wooden benches, while eating slowly and not as though there is no tomorrow. When the sound of the ‘kompang’ starts, we are not to run around so eager to see the blushing bride with her chili pepper lips color, and face painted like white faced monkeys, waiting for her groom who is attired like the historical Malay warrior (oh what a sight).

I don’t know how, but we normally take home a lot of eggs, as well as packed food given by the host. Mom will keep all these eggs to cook her famous ‘sambal telur’ for lunch the next day. Come to think of it, yeah this is the only moment that I often wait for eagerly after attending any weddings with mom. Her ‘sambal telur’ is simply delicious.

The weddings are normally crowded as the whole village will be attending, so the invitation is always for the whole day. The earlier you come the better, as you will be served with fresh hot cooked food, then you just hang around waiting for the groom to arrive.

Mom, weddings and ‘sambal telur’ …………………………………………

One Step At A Time

Arriving home from school, as usual she was so excited to fill me up with what school was all about today. After the hugs and kisses, even before putting her school bag down, she told me that she has been invited for a sleep over Easter party.

The joy in her voice and eyes were too much for me to even consider a no before a yes, she was saying please in between each word spoken, to let her go. It was her first ever party invitation for sleep over. As much as I wanted her to go, I was a bit hesitant because this little angel of mine is one fussy nut.

In the simple invitation there were details of the venue, time to meet, telephone contact, time to pick up and things to bring. Since there will be almost 10 friends attending the sleep over, besides towel, pyjamas, they are also required to bring their own sleeping bag.

So prior to the actual date, I was going around looking for a sleeping bag, however I could not get any, and when she was informed, she quickly told me that it is alright, just give her a blanket to take along. The actual date came; she packed an extra bag to go direct from school.

Saying goodbye to her that Friday morning was difficult, but I have to let her go to get to know the real world. I cannot keep showering her with protection, which will not be beneficial for her in her future life. We hugged and kissed, and promised to call if she changes her mind and would like to come home instead.

I am glad that she fit in nicely to the new school and is being accepted, at least she is taking a sure move, one step at a time.

Europeans .............. Eww

The email read Europeans …….. Eww, the sender was my one and only, more then eww …… what was shown in the video was disgusting. Welcome to Europe son!!!!

If you have the opportunity to live in Europe one day, you just have to learn to live dirty and filthy, I am not exaggerating having witnessed this lifestyle.

Normal scene you will encounter, dog shit on the pavement, they conveniently step on it and drag the shit all over the place, so you either tiptoe like a ballerina, or zigzag like a humming bee to avoid the traces of the dog shit.

They have super efficient train and tram systems, but the stations are all filthy, not only will the dogs be shitting there but also the people. The trains are normally littered with empty cans and bottles and food wrappers, and they smell too.

You will see some mothers licking their children’s hands not fingers so that the chocolate sticking on them will not go to waste.

You will witness some people sharing food in the restaurant with their dogs, not that they half the food and put in separate containers, they actually bite on the same sausage or whatever.

Most of the trash can areas are strewed with cigarettes buds, traces of dog poos and pees, till the surrounding area is black.

Most of the public toilet has no freshener and no individual pipes in the cabin, so be prepared to hold your breath for the unwanted aroma.

Spotting crawly worms on the pickles being sold at the market is a normal thing; they will just buy and munch like as though this is a delicacy.

Europeans …………….. Eww……………….

Her First Fruit Crumble

On Thursday, I helped my little angel to pack some sugar, flour, cinnamon sticks, strawberries and oranges, which she needed for her first ever baking class at school today. She was all excited about this class, as it will give her the opportunity to do everything by herself under the supervision of the cookery teacher of course.

When she finished school, she had to make a stop for 1.30 hours extra private class in French, as she has missed a fair bit of the language, reason being she only started class in the second semester. The security guards at the tuition center were teasing her with the fruit crumble that she was carrying from school to home. They were telling her that they were hungry and so on; innocently she told them that the fruit crumble is for her mama. *smile*

At 1830 hours she was ringing the door bell, with a big hug and a proud smile, she handed the fruit crumble to me, urging me to taste it immediately, while she filled me up with the happenings of the day at school. Not bad, the fruit crumble was very nice, I like it, as she used the right amount of sugar; however, one set back was that the orange was slightly bitter.

She was just filled up with joy as she witnessed me scooping spoonful after spoonful of her fruit crumble into my mouth.

Thank you darling, I am sure you will do better next time, whatever just knows that mama is always proud of you.

Imaginary Invisible Friend

It was always good when Chef Diva makes time to chat with me, she is ever so witty and funny, and we have so many things to chat about. She told me that the house is empty and she is pretty lonely that she is now beginning to talk to herself.

We laughed about this, and I told her that at least she is talking to herself in private, not like many people that I have seen here, just the other day I was travelling on the train, and in front of me sat a young girl. She started talking and I quickly looked at her, thinking that she was talking to me, but no, she was not.

As the train halted at every station, she will repeat the announcement made through the drain pipe of the train loudly, next she started to talk again. I was beginning to feel embarrassed because I can’t help but keep stealing a funny look at her. Then, she made a hand gesture like as though she was talking on the mobile with someone, while no mobile was visible in her hand.

To me this is not only pretty lonely, this got to be super duper lonely, and when she arrived at her destination, she got up repeating the station name, and laughing all to herself. Poor child, I hope she will let go of her imaginary invisible friend soon before it is too late.

As for you Chef Diva, remember your little sister is not there, so !!!!!!

My First Schlemmertopf

I have been wanting to get the schlemmertopf glazed clay pot for a long time, and finally got one last week. It was happiness and I just can’t wait to get cooking in it. The pot required to be soaked for at least 30 minutes for the first time before using it, and consequently it will need to be soaked at least 10 minutes before each cooking. No oil or glazing is required.

I simply love oven cooking as it is simple and less messy, so today I got to test my first very own recipe with my very own schlemmertopf. Since I was just trying the dish, I decided to bake the recipe for an hour, to be sure that the chicken was well done.

I will call this recipe My First Schlemmertopf, and here’s the ingredients and method to do it if you would like to try.

Ingredients: 1 medium size chicken (trim, wash, dry with paper towel and marinate for 30 minutes). Marinate – soya sauce, oyster sauce, fish sauce and black pepper, 3 small potatoes (wedges), 1 large carrot (slice to your desired size), cauliflowers and broccoli (cut into small florets), 2 large Bombay onion (thinly sliced), and ½ cup of stock (chicken, beef or fish).

Method: Put some of the potatoes and onion in the cavity of the chicken. Place all the rest of the ingredients in the schlemmertopf and add the stock. Place chicken in the middle of the pot, cover and bake in the oven for an hour, at 200 degree Celsius.

It was so simple and easy and relaxing and yes you guessed it …………………… yummy!!!!!

Persona of a LIAR

Checking my email is an everyday must for me, most of the messages are good to be deleted straight away, some are worth reading and others are just information that you might need one future day. However, there are days that you will receive a message that keeps your mind boggling.

The email message carried a subject titled “Help P and C”, was one of those messages that have this impact on me today, as weird as the content may seem, I can’t help wondering if this message was sent to me by mistake or intentionally, just to let me know that this bitch is still a liar.

I laughed about the content of the message as I was sharing it with hubby and my little angel, for all the years that I have known you, I know that you are a liar, a very good one, in fact a cream of a liar, you even went so far in seeking my assistance to lie for you where your marriage was concerned. Of course, you are such a speaker or can I correct that word by saying that you are such a smooth talker, that everyone breathe into your lying tactics gracefully.

Your secret is safe with me, this I assured you, however, I hope someday you will realize that your stage of persona might just be the very things that drown you, so my advice wake up bitch before it is too late.

Ecuador Roses

When you opened the door to greet us with the usual salam, your ever joyful voice could not even hide the torment of the disease that is furiously invading your body. Your hugs still warm yet weak, I noticed that you have lost some weight, but choose not to mention this, as I handed the Ecuador roses to you.

We got seated at the table and you got started on your situation, you were told that Big C had been detected in your stomach, under your armpit, your back bone and a lesion was also found in your brain. I fell silent for a moment not knowing where to pick up from here. Repeatedly I told you to be strong and that the Lord has reasons for everything.

A lump welled up inside me as I watched your only son come and sit on your lap, though you had just returned from your hospitalization, you accepted him and started stroking his back with so much love, only a mother will understand how.

I can’t help wondering if you have started getting him prepared for the uncertainty of the future, wonder if he knows how advanced your situation is at the moment, wonder if you have started buying him all the presents that you might want him to have on each birthday when you are no longer around, like a train my mind was rambling on nonstop.

You said you loved the Ecuador roses, you love the smell and your kitchen looked brighter with them in there. If only all the Ecuador roses in the world could make you better, I would go an extra mile to get them for you.

Be strong my friend, just keep on being strong.

I Will Sleep It Off

What will you do when your stomach is hungry?
And the fridge is empty
I will sleep it off

What will you do when the spring is cold?
And the sun seems too shy to smile
I will sleep it off

What will you do when the world is still at war?
And life is cheap
I will sleep it off

What will you do if your son keeps putting you down?
And your daughters keep whining
I will sleep it off

What will you do when the recipe goes wrong?
And the baking is spoiled
I will sleep it off

What will you do when people are nasty?
And words are cheap
I will sleep it off

What will you do if the flowers stop blooming?
And the butterflies are dead
I will sleep it off

What will you do if tomorrow never comes?
And love is gone
I will sleep it off

Char Kuey Teow ........ Desperate

Once in a while, you just cannot help but miss the easy access of 24 hours restaurants back home. Where I am now every shop comes with a time limit and worst they are not even open on Sundays. Recently, I was pining so much for a simple plate of Char Kuey Teow.

When you have very limited resources at hand, you just learn to improvise with whatever is reachable, since I wanted to eat Char Kuey Teow, so that’s exactly what will be served. I shall call this plate the desperate Char Kuey Teow.

Ingredients: 1 small packet of dried Kuey Teow (soaked overnight), ½ kg of beef (thinly sliced), spring onion, chives, 5 cloves of garlic (crushed), 3 tblspoons cooking oil, 2 tblspoons oyster sauce, 2 tblspoons soya sauce, some fish sauce, and ½ teaspoon crushed dried chili.

Method: heat oil in large wok, add crushed garlic, fry till fragrant add thinly sliced beef, fry till beef change color, add the Kuey Teow, let it fry for 8 minutes, add all the sauces and crushed dried chili, add ½ cup of water, let fry for 10 minutes, add spring onion and chives.

The taste was fantastic, go try.

Death Will Touch Us................................

Sitting in the warm cosy kitchen of ours, one evening, my little angel asked me, “Ma, if you can choose, would you rather die in an accident or would you rather die from Cancer”, I was astonished by this question but after a while answered, neither.

Of late we have been talking about the matter of death quite easily and openly, but to hear her asking me this question today, only goes to show that she is thinking about the subject too often. To me this is alright as it is good for her to understand the meaning of life and death at an early age.

Death to me is an absence of life physically, though emotionally we can still be very much attached. It is about not coming back, and it is also about the total loss of our mental components, where we can no longer be aware of our feelings and sensation. The only bridge if there should be any between the death and the living is the soul. Can we ever imagine how our body will go to dust and being totally separated from our soul?

There might not be anything in this world that has more questions attached to it than the subject of death. Even if we have not lost someone close to us, it is never too soon to explore our own feelings about death and dealing with grief.

Dying in an accident is immediate, sudden and hollow; the living will be left with a million what if and if not? While dying after a long illness might give the living the opportunity of caring, holding on the moment a little longer, hence letting go might be a little bit easier and more in control.

No matter who we are, where we live, or what we do, death will touch all of us in one way or the other.

Waltz With Bashir

We sat watching a very interesting movie ‘Waltz with Bashir’, it was a commendable work of animation based on the true massacre of Sabra and Shatila in Lebanon in the year 1982. The walk through of the movie kept us rooted with pure concentration.

I do remember how in that year, people were rallying in the capital city to stop the brutality of the massacre; a lot of money was donated through companies, individuals and also concert performances. The news that the young people were brutally decapitated and slaughtered, was just too much for the ears, yet when watching Waltz with Bashir, gathering how well planned the massacre was was so chilling.

While all the men were killed brutally, the women and innocent children were not spared, hearing the screams of the women and the cries of the children when being shot was heart wrenching. Life is more than just cheap, life means nothing at all.

Tonight I decided to burn a candle, I know I may be years behind into the real thing, but watching Waltz with Bashir just ripped open the wounds that have yet to heal.

May all the victims of the massacre of Sabra and Shatila rest in peace, knowing that our thoughts never ever leave you.

I will continue burning candles for you, till justice surfaces.

Super Mario 2

This Saturday, we spent a whole lot of time waiting for Mario. He was scheduled to come at 1000 hours, and right on the dot, he was ringing the doorbell. As usual, Mario was accompanied by his beautiful cheery girlfriend, who is also his interpreter.

Mario is to do a little reconstruction of my tiny kitchen, and put up a door, so that the smell of cooking will not spread out to the hall. They were a team, I realized, as when Mario is measuring and cutting, she will be sent to fetch equipment from the walkway or the car, such a sight they were, but very loving.

By 1230 hours, they left to get the door and also to have lunch. We took this opportunity to make us a quick long due breakfast or lunch. We sat in the kitchen and contemplate whether we should go out to get some groceries while they were gone. However, Mario told us that he will be back in two hours time, so we decided to wait for him, and go get our groceries later.

My super Mario and girlfriend arrived much later and get on to business again, we waited and waited and waited, with the hope that we can still be on time before the shops close, however, Mario so meticulous with his work got us waiting more than we had anticipated.

The door was fixed beautifully, Mario left finally, as usual refusing to accept payment offered. It was already past 1900 hours, our stomachs were begging to be fed.

So super Mario got my kitchen done, but halted my groceries shopping, ermmm………………….. what will we eat tomorrow?

Good Night.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The temperature came down yet again after a few days of nice breeze and sun. I have planned to go out today but decided not to leave the bed, so another fastidious day it will be. However, I can never be bored.

News from home is better and I am so glad to know that, I can only keep on praying for you to gather all your will, and get better to fight Big C. My medic princess is getting along better with her colleague, Chef Diva is accepting that there are many ass holes out there, my one and only is catching up in his new job, and my daughter in law is progressing well with her pregnancy, Alhamdulillah.

Somehow, I thank the Lord for I am sleeping better these days, I am sure this is because I am able to go to bed free of thoughts, and lots of supplication.

For a long time I have had my share of sleepless nights, I will stay awake night after night not knowing what to do, while keeping the TV on all throughout the night. In those nights I might be blessed with an hour here or an hour there of sleep, not more. I just dread when the sun comes down and the night returns.

It is those dark hours that you are truly alone with your own thoughts; it is actually a time of honesty, no fooling and no kidding yourself. There were times that I will shed some silent tears due to feeling sorry for myself, or because I could not grab for an answer in the dark or it is the lousy feelings of being let down. Now, while waiting for sleep to come I enjoy the sound of this little home, the crick and cracks that it makes. The sounds of the world outside, wind or rain bring so much calm to my soul. I no longer wonder what will come tomorrow. I truly live for today.

I am sleeping better; the worrying about moment is better left alone. Whatever the future holds for me will reveal itself when the time comes, meanwhile I will just sleep and everything else can wait.

Sleep For Free

Don’t worry if you can’t afford to pay for a hotel room, in this country, you can sleep just about any where you want, and be reassured that no one will disturb you or dare wake you up.

Where better to sleep, but a free table at Burger King after a full meal. caught this man dosing off at one of the high tables at Burger King while we were queuing for our order. He was still sleeping there when we left. I guess free space is cheap.

On our way to the VIC, caught this woman squatting and sleeping against one of the pillars in the underground station. I guess she must be full as well, and this space is free too.

My Carbonara

Really not in the mood to cook today, as I am not much of a rice person, and having to satisfy my little angel’s appetite, we have had many days of rice. On impulse when she finished school, I told her to get a packet of mushroom, as I intend to make my carbonara for today (which by the way is her favorite too).

It took me less than 20 minutes to cook my carbonara, anyone interested here you go:

Ingredients: Spaghetti enough for 2 persons (boil, drain and keep aside),
1 large Bombay onion (chopped into tiny pieces)
3 cloves garlic (chopped into tiny pieces)
Smoked salmon (as much as you like)
2 inches beef salami (to replace the beef bacon as I could not find the Halal one here, cut into tiny pieces)
Mushroom (as much as you like - sliced)
Heavy cream (depend how much gravy you want in the carbonara sauce)
2 eggs (beaten)
Parmesan or mozzarella cheese
2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Method:Heat olive oil in a pan, sauté chopped onions for 3 minutes, add the chopped garlic, sauté for a bit, then add the salmon and salami, fry for 5 minutes, add the sliced mushrooms, fry for another 5 minutes, add the whipped cream, salt and pepper to taste. Simmer under low fire for 8 minutes, add the eggs and stir quickly so that the eggs will not cuddle. Once the mixture starts to boil add in the boiled spaghetti. Served hot with parmesan or mozzarella shredded cheese

Will I Miss You?

Sitting here wondering and deep in thought

Amazing as it may seem

My mind is replaying hard for days

To try and remember our first meeting

What was it that makes me recognize you?

What was it that edge the frame of your picture?

The only memory that hold so strong till now

Is the picture of you and me at the back of the house

Sharing a very secret talk, that no one else will know

It was a moment that will stay with me forever

I tried and I tried, what about you that I will miss most

The bonding of the obvious………………………………

Roller Coaster Havoc

Life is a roller coaster, with its ups and downs, not forgetting the turbulence. The twists and turns of this ride many make you a better person or otherwise, the effect of the rides are yours alone to determine.

For a number of years in my live I have experienced the havoc of life turbulence on my emotions. But, I really have not wasted too much time to mourn over it; I just drag myself and move on. What the world has to think or say about me does not stop me from moving on. I pray to the Lord and keep looking for hope, wherever I can find it. I brace myself some times in preparation for more bad news, so that when it comes, it will not hit me as much.

How often can you hide the turbulence of life? Well……………. I can make a pledge here that if you have been trough the highest ride of the roller coaster, than you can hide anything from the preying eyes of the world. The best you can do is smile and laugh as hard, reassuring everyone in your life that the ride wasn’t that bad after all.

After a while, I guess I just forgot what it was like not to be on the ride again, I feel that my life is finally on solid ground. I kneel and ask the Lord in prayers, that the tickets to the roller coaster ride will not be mine again; I just want to get off it and move on.

I can never allow anyone else, as much as they want to, as much as they may need to, to have the joy of seeing me screaming on that turbulence of the roller coaster ride, and I wish not for anyone to go and take that ride after me.

People can watch, whisper and talk, but support there were none. I just want to tell everyone out there, whenever you are up on top of the ride, and looking down on that huge loop before the drop in front of you, be reassured that you are the only one in that car.

Life is a roller coaster, as joyful as the ride can be the havoc on your emotions can be twice as great………. Be prepared not to be afraid.