Please Come To My Dream As Often As You Can

Two nights back I dreamt of my late grandma (we all called her ‘TokMak’). I noticed that whenever I am down and sad I would dream of her. Weird as it may sound, we were never close when she was alive, basically because she is a very fierce grandma. I was sent to live with her for a couple of my younger years, and I remember that it was to her house that I will run away when I am not happy at my parents’ home.

It does not matter how long I will stay at her place each time I run away from home (our houses are not even that far from each other anyways), but sitting on her verandah amongst the greens of her garden was peaceful enough. Normally, by nightfall I will be walking back to my parents’ home.

I have a feeling that my grandma will come in my dream each time I need a place to hide or to run to. In total I had three of such dreams with my grandma, the latest dream I saw her watching me in turmoil, she was just sitting at the edge of the verandah and looking at me. It was so serene, because in this dream I could clearly see that it was my grandma as though she is still alive.

The way she sits and folds her leg with one arm clutching it, deep in thought but looking and not a single word was uttered. When I could not do anything anymore and just wanted a comforting hug, I went straight to her, and she just opened her arms to me and caressed my head. It was tranquil, it was so nice, it was just so unreal, the feeling of her hands. She never did this to me when she was alive but now, I love that feeling that she made me feel.

When she was alive her nickname for me was ‘hangus’ but towards the time nearing her demise she started to call me by my name, and it sounded so strange to me. ‘I love the nickname of ‘hangus’ TokMak'.

I know you are at peace there, I know you are looking upon all of your grandchildren, I love you Tokmak though you may not know that, but I do.

Please come to my dream as often as you can.