Drained

I keep asking myself, why do I have to care so much, why do I always insist on perfection, when I know that nothing is perfect, and why do I go on sleepless nights just wondering, what ifs and what if not’s? Honestly, my energy has long been drained, I told myself to stop, keep reminding me that, but I know I have not been fair to me.

It is strange also why I don’t cry anymore even when my heart is being battered to pieces, is this good sign or is this bad? I don’t know……………. Just don’t know.

Those were the days that watching movies will take such an effort. I can never finish one movie at a go, it will take me 2 to 3 days to complete a movie, yet now I am watching at least 3 movies in a go. It is as though nothing else matters, it is as though I am in a different world of my own, nothing else makes any impact. Why the sudden change? I asked me.

The truth is I don't feel much of anything anymore, could it be that I am at the brink of fuck it, go to hell for all I care, or am I so torched emotionally that I have lost all sense of loving. But why now, why suddenly, should I be rejoicing in celebration for these achievements?

Feeling, like thinking, caring, planning and loving seem to be a luxury that I don't have time for needless to say. Well I guess this is probably a good thing because if I did have the time, I can't imagine feeling anything that I would especially want to feel.

Go figure……………..