I Will Do Anything

Often, I wonder before I was diagnosed with cancer, what could it be that when people were diagnosed with cancer that made them so sad and so angry. And I still did not get the answer until now. When I was hammered with the news, I remember the first thing that came to my mind was “the Lord is testing me” and after that everything was blank.

Honestly, I don’t remember most of the words that were spoken to me by the doctor except that “you have cancer” and “don’t be afraid, I will make you live to be a 100”. After that was his firm handshake, and paper works for the operation to take place ASAP. The first two persons to know of the news were my hubby and little angel. I don’t understand why they were crying then, as my mind was still blank. Amazing, how I managed to move from one department to the other to get all the paper works organized. Only He knows.

Again there are a lot of things about being diagnosed with cancer that make you feel like you have no control. It is as though you are now incapable of carrying on with the norm in your life. Every other day will be interrupted with doctor’s appointment, scans, blood works, injections etc etc. Then you will notice the effects of the drugs, your movement became slower due to the operation which takes a long time to heal, and then once healed you will never be able to erase the physical surgical scars, you will take that scars with you to the grave. In my case, I am always feeling the scars with my hand on a daily basis as they sat on four places of my abdomen, and cannot avoid being reminded again and again.

For now I wish the treatment will be over soon, but that will not be the case. In fact, I put on hold another operation due to the fact of backlog medical bills. I wish I can put the experience in a back drawer and not open it again, but some wishes are never meant to be. I will do anything to take back the control of my life.

Waiting and counting…………………..