I Could Not Afford To Maintain This Disease

I just had my 3 monthly check-up, my CA125 is slightly elevated, though well within normal range, my doctor was happy with the count and put me on another appointment, blood work and further injection. I told myself not to be too concerned but on the other hand I still had this not so happy feeling as it seems that I am still not in control of my disease.

The weather is sharing my feelings at the moment, yeah it is spring and the snow is still falling, covering the road white and thick, and can be slippery too as the municipal had cleared the small pebbles on the road. The sun is smiling and I am loving it, but it is still cold at -5, nothing much I can do in term of starting my long walks again. I am a home person, I love being in my crib but I am longing to have my windows open, to hear the birds sing, to see the green trees at the courtyard and to just smell spring………………. But not just yet!!!

Now I am thinking of going back on the wagon, in fact I have started to be involved with a couple of activities, but not a hundred percent. I feel that when I am actively doing something I will definitely feel much better. May be in one way or the other it will help me to make some sense of this intrusive senseless disease that is driving me all over the place.

Many a moment I had decided to just ignore it, maybe the doctors had made a mistake, maybe it is not me after all, maybe I should just sing away all the sadness that it is causing me, I need to be on the path of my life again, happy and nonchalant. I have become increasingly angry and resentful because I could not afford to maintain this disease much longer and guess what that is not a good look at all.