Goodbye Dearest Friend

At 0425 hours this morning I was informed that her heart, liver and kidneys had failed. I did not reply to the text message as I was lost for words. I woke up and just sit in bed staring into empty space waiting for the first ray of sun, while trying to think straight.

Less than an hour afterward I received the news that my dear girl friend had been defeated in her battle with the disease, and has returned to the Creator. I felt numb; in fact my mind went blank for a moment before I responded to the text message.

Petone, as I fondly called her will no longer walk on this passage of the world. I believed that she is in a better place now. I will be missing her, missing the excitement in her voice each time we talked, missing her beautiful sexy eyes, but most of all I will be missing a very dear friend who is more than family to me. She breathed her last breath peacefully surrounded by all those who love her.

We have gone a long way together since our first meeting during university. I have never seen Petone angry or dejected while fighting her disease. It was through her sickness that I became close to all members of her family. No matter where I am, we always manage to track each other down. Petone, unlike many never failed me, not even during my only son’s wedding. She was frail then but she made the journey all the way from JB to KL to support me, and that is what a friend she was.

The last time I was with her, she was still trying to convince me that everything is alright with her, she was limping from being too thin, yet she was so proud to be inviting me to have lunch with her. We chat about many things, old times, old friends, ambitions and what not’s. She was as cheery as ever.

She is gone now, gone forever; I have lost a wonderful wonderful girl friend who stood by me all these times. No one can replace Petone, the silent understanding that we had between us is now silenced forever.

I will miss you Petone, and I know we will meet again someday, for now I pray that the Lord bless your soul. I love you girl friend ………………………. Al Fatiha.

At A Crossroad

After receiving the text message at around 0453 hours this morning, I could not go back to sleep again, suddenly it was difficult for me to put things into perspective. I found that I was at a crossroad, where do I go, what can I do and how will I manage?

The message told me that a very close girl friend of mine, who I have known for more than 20 years, is terminal. I could feel the tears immediately forming in my eyes, yet I still could not cry, I know this is not going to be good for me, because crying used to cleanse all the misery that I felt, but I guess after being bashed over and over again, I totally forgot how to cry. Therefore, I could not mourn the sad news that I got so early in the morning.

The sender who is the only brother to my girl friend keeps informing me of her status throughout the day. At one point of time when I was talking to my Medic Princesses I forgot that she is not in town, I nearly wanted to tell her to go and see my girl friend and do what I would have done for a dear friend.

Indeed today I could not go anywhere without saying a prayer for her and for my sister, the crossroad that I was in gave me no avenue for any option. There were so much that I could have done, would have done, yet I am stuck at a turning where no trains travel at the same time zone with all those that are precious to me.

To ease a bit of the heartache, I talked about my girl friend to hubby and my two angels; I went out to look for things for my sister, this way I know that they are never too far from me. As I wrote this entry, I am still waiting for news about my girl friend as well as my sister. Deep in my heart I am praying to the Lord to give both of them an inner peace that only He can give.

Just know that I am never too far from you, and that I love you.

Follow The Dotted Lines

Follow the orange dotted lines and see where it takes you................................

Never Stop Dreaming

In my dream I saw the sun beautiful, full and bright, I saw children running in the park, I saw little boys kicking balls, and little girls playing dolls. It was a captivating scenery that I wish I could hold on forever.

When I woke up I only saw the rain, the wind was blowing too much, chilling us again to the bones. There was no more sunshine, it is gloomy now, and the sun is always overshadowed by thick clouds. Each time I plan to go out, the idea is put on hold as I don’t like to have to be dressing thick and heavy.

The weather is becoming eccentric; everyone is blaming this on the global warming, while the local here thought it was the aftermath of the volcanic eruption in Iceland. I know not the reason why, but it is dragging me down. I pine and yearn for a place in the sun, winter and autumn is just not me.

For days now, I am waiting, still waiting, sometimes wondering what could have gone wrong, why do simple things become such a problem to some, why is it that what you wish for is always so close to your reach, yet too far to be fetched. Why? I don’t have an answer.

I want you to know that not a day goes by now that I am not thinking of you, praying for you and wishing that the situation could be resolved. But, then again this is life; we have to have faith and let fate be. No one can fight what has been written in the chapter of our life. You are a fighter; I know this rough weather is just a little obstacle in your path. Hang on there, as good time will open its shutter on your days again.

Continue your journey and follow your dreams………………. Never ever stop dreaming.

Being Naked

When you expose yourself so much to the public, just be ready for sarcastic remarks, gossip mongering and nasty words. Unless and otherwise you are ready for this, my advice to you would be stop exposing yourself.

Being naked in the public is not something that is too bad actually, because in my opinion you have already overcome your fear of hiding and not afraid to come out with the truth, but then you must remember that you live in a society that loves to be nasty over other people’s achievement, and/or freedom and/or material things.

Then again, why do you need to expose so much of you? Are you desperate for attention? Are you simply a show off? Whatever your reasons might be, please don’t look back one day, and regret what you have done.

Life is about living, being happy is within yourself, no one can give you the gift of happiness unless you find the freedom to let go of your ego (do you get what I mean).

May be………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Kitchen

The kitchen is finally taking shape; Mario left on Thursday evening, and will not be working again till Monday. This is because he is taking his beautiful girlfriend for a short vacation.

On Friday hubby took the day off, we decided to complete what is still not complete on our own. We just cannot wait anymore. It is almost impossible to think that the time taken to refurbish this tiny kitchen could be so long.

We went to get a dining table that is reasonable and that will not take too much space in our kitchen, then we went to get some stools for the dining table. We also bought a few shelf brackets, some other knick knacks, and to top the list hubby finally bought his own electric drill. Yes, we have been wanting to get one, but each time we managed to put the intention aside, now we have no more excuse not to get one.

We began work from Friday and completed the intended task by late Saturday evening. Instantly, I fall in love with my kitchen, and I also like the comment that was made by Chef Diva, who was given the honor to officially use the new kitchen first. She said, “This is the type of kitchen that I always see on TV, but I am living in one now”. Whatever she meant by that, I like hearing it ……………….. he he he.

On Monday, hopefully Mario will start doing the back room. InsyaAllah.

Let Him Walk With You

Today Sari called again, my first impression is that she was saying goodbye before leaving for her two weeks vacation today, I told her to have fun and be happy always. However, something in her voice was not too happy. I wanted to ignore this, maybe it was just my imagination, till she spilled the beans out.

She suddenly told me in between our small talks that her tumor marker result was bad, indeed her doctor was very concerned, as it was the highest ever. She also said that she had done the CT scan too regular, and that she is not willing to go through another one yet. I let her talk and share with me what is comfortable for her, then she asked me “what do you think, I should do?” I was baffled, what can I say, what can I advise, I know not too much to share, I know not too little to ignore. I felt a lump building in my throat, no; I cannot let her hear the sadness in my voice.

In the end, I just told her to consult her Oncologist again, get his advice and go with what is best for her. I also told her to have faith in the Lord, for He knows what no one else pretends to know, for He will be with us all the time when no one else have time for us, for He will give us the peace that we sought after when everyone else can only give us misery. I told her to keep me informed of her condition anytime she wants to, and not to worry about imposing on me.

Ironically this was what the late Dalila (Al Fatiha) wrote in her blog, where her tumor marker count was just increasing, and that the doctor was puzzled to what it could be, or what could not have been.

We ended the conversation by wishing each other all the best, and with the promised that we will not stop the flow of communication. I told her to have peace in her herself too.

Mario, You Stressed Me To My Bones

I cannot remember how many times Mario drove me to and from IKEA and OBI, honestly I lost count. It stressed me out each time he told me that he had bought something wrong, be it from the cabinet itself or the screws for the wall. Each time I will just tell him no problem, but today I was drained, totally stressed, that suddenly I had a severe attack of headache that was totally unbearable.

May be Mario thought that I am oblivious to anything that has to do with what he is currently doing, but I was just being diplomatic, so that he will finish his job the way I wanted it in the most timely manner. Having said that Mario has obviously extended his invitation by far.

What I wanted to pen down today, was the incident at IKEA, we had a trolley full of unpacked kitchen cabinets as well as those that had already been assembled to be returned and exchanged. This is because the measurement was wrong. I told Mario that we will go and return the stuff first, before proceeding to get the correct one.

However, Mario insisted that we go get the new stuff, since we both do not have a common language of speech, what little I can understand, I just let him lead. Once done, at the cashier I enquired on the return of goods so that I do not have to pocket anymore money. I was not surprised when told that I will have to pay for the new stuff, as normally the returned stuff have to be done first for refund of vouchers.

Too tired to try and make Mario understand his stupidity, I just paid, and put on my long face. He was quite after that, and I hope this will be another lesson learnt for Mario.

Guess what? After fixing some of the cabinets, Mario still got some stuff wrong and yeah he has to go and change that. Well, he can jolly well do it on his own; I am so not going with him again.

Mario, you stressed me to my bones.

Dalila Has Passed

I got to know Dalila through her blog named Raden one lonely winter afternoon. Don’t really remember how I stumbled on her blog more than 3 years ago, but immediately it had such an impact on me. Since then I have never stopped visiting her blog and getting to know her.

We had the opportunity to exchange some emails when my own brother was diagnosed with cancer, and I had requested from her some supplications to ease my brother of his agony. She gave what was asked from her heart no question asked.

I rejoiced in her achievement of a book published, proud when she constantly hold fort in many invitational talks from schools to colleges to universities. She lived her life to the fullest. She let all her blog readers walk with her, encouraging them to hold her hands, and never to forget her. She fought to the end tirelessly, but cancer got the better of her. Dalila left us a real fighter.

In her last entry she wrote “Let's hope this is not the final entry. Should it be, I hope it becomes an avenue that people seek for some good guidance, InsyaAllah.God bless you all.” Indeed your blog will be an avenue that many will seek for some guidance.

Rest in peace Dalila, Al Fatiha.

Some Places Look Better In The Summer

And The Winner Takes It All

Cooling Off

When My Angels Sleep

Hell, You Better Get My Kitchen Done

Our house is undergoing a massive renovation, what started with the change of a boiler, has gone more than what I had anticipated. Since the hacking and breaking was already done, and the mess was more than I could take, we decided to extend the welcome of the mess further. Indeed we did.

First, I wanted a kitchen changed, and I was told that it would take a week to demolish, plaster, paint, install the new floor, and the new kitchen cabinet. My mighty Mario came one morning, and told us to clear the kitchen, then the back room and the hall, but what little German I know and nil English he masters, my kitchen has taken almost 2 weeks and still not complete……………… damn Mario.

Can you imagine now the kitchen, as well as the girls’ collection of clothes, shoes, books, memorabilia, nonsense and what nots are piled up on top of each other in my living. Every day I will organize things, trying to make the living as livable as possible. Honestly, it is kind of difficult, but we manage.

However, the washing machine is still not hooked up, which means for the 2 weeks, we have to send our washing to the launderette. Mind you, the laundry service here is not like what we have back home, we have to leave our laundry with the launderette and come back after half a day or the next day, and yes, believe it or not it costs 14 Euros for a 5 kg wash. So, do you think I can afford that anymore? No, I cannot, and this is the reason why mighty Mario got the rolling eyes from me yesterday.

Wait, I have not mentioned how we survive with cooking, remember we don’t have a kitchen. Thank goodness we have this single electric hotplate that hubby took with him whenever he goes on mission in Africa (kind of difficult to trust the food there, so he does his own cooking), yes we manage though it takes like forever to cook anything, but my little angle thought this is the coolest invention and she loves the hotplate.

Yesterday, the girls and me went out to fill out stomach, then Chef Diva decided that she will make pasta for dinner (strange but I have been such a pasta enthusiast, that I don’t mind pasta anytime of the day), so we went to get some stuff for her cooking. The heat is bothering my entire family here except me, I just love the summer heat, anyways, we did not venture much, and came home as soon as we were done.

Mighty Mario was gone when we arrived, but when I saw the mess he left behind, I wanted to turn him into pate immediately. This time around, I even trashed diplomacy, called his beautiful girlfriend and give her the lashing of my wrath. He does not work on a Saturday, but after the lashing he is coming back to work to complete the kitchen floor.

Oh Mario……………………… I thought you were good and I heart you, but now I would like to bottle you like a pate. Hell, you better get my kitchen done.

Capoeira

Capoeira is a direct descendant of African fighting styles, which was incorporated with Brazilian dance movements from African slaves in Brazil. It was created in Brazil by slaves from Africa, sometime after the 16th century.

In the beginning Capoeira has had great influence on Afro-Brazilian generations; however, in recent years Capoeira has exploded out of Brazil and continues to grow in popularity.

The dancers normally form a circle and take turns in playing the musical instruments, sparring in pairs or singing.

We got the opportunity to witness a Capoeira performance by the river last weekend. It was very calming to hear the simple music and singing, and the art of the dancing was worth watching.