Can't Wait

Packed, set, go.

Can’t wait to see my angels again

Can’t wait to smell and hug them again

Can’t wait for that wet kisses from them again (eewww)

Can’t wait to hear their laughter again

Can’t wait, can’t wait just can’t wait

Mama, Why Do I Cry?

Mama, why do I cry so much?
Mama, I don’t like it when I am crying like this
Mama, do you cry as much as I do?
Mama, will you support me in my decision?

Sayang,
You cry because you are upset
You cry because you are worried of the unknown
You cry because you cannot express your feelings
You cry because I am too far from your reach
You cry because you think no one is supporting you

Being a mama is never easy, yes I do cry
May be I cry even more than any of you have ever seen
I cry when I fail as a mama, as your protector and not being there with you when you need me most

But, you know what? it is alright to cry

And I want you to know that mama will support you in every little but sure step that you will be taking towards your future

I love you my little angel

Holiday On Ice

Wish you were here

20012011

20012011 – Signed and sealed today.

Hope the delivery will be as smooth.

We are a step closer yet still many steps to be taken

Thank you Lord

A Relection Of Me

I was in the shower when I caught a reflection of me on the shining tap head, I paused and had a good look at myself, and I smiled, I believed I looked so much like my father, however, more than often I was told that I am a split image of my mother. Well I guess only the eyes can tell.

Often also you hear people complimenting or commenting your characteristics to be like that of either of your parents or that of your grandparents. Again, I believe I am a ‘chip of the block’ of my father. I don’t know why but I see a lot of my father’s characteristics in me.

Now I am looking at each and every one of my children, which one of them could possibly be a bit of me. Friends often say that they all look like me…………… duhhh…. I am their mother!!!! But one of them according to my friends resembles more than just a bit of me.

There were times, I believe when I am watching them I could see me not a hundred percent but they definitely have me in them. One is so tidy and neat, one is so secretive and passive, one is too vocal and outgoing and one is so arrogant and proud. But then again when you think of it how could that be considered a reflection of you, because I believe all the characters mentioned do exist in each and every one of us. So can it be that the reflection of character was just a mind game? I don’t know.

However, I was recently reminded that among the five sisters in my family I have always been the one who pouts a lot over every little thing, and they said I can go on like this for days…………………………. Well I guess it is better to pout than to shout. Hence, this evidence or similarity has now been pasted to little Schnappi.

Sorry Schnappi if anyone would ever link us up this way, but I know you are your own character.

Mirror Oh Mirror

So you are at it again?

The world may believe your lies; they may even hail you as a champion

However, the truth is far from what you perceive in your sick mind

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror and for once have a good look at yourself.

Yeah, at least once put the blame on your arrogance and not blame others for your poverty

Mirror, mirror on the wall………………………………… and I am sure your finger will point at you

As the wannabe and yet cannot be

My sympathy goes to you

I Sure Have A Heart

How often in life will you experience the dejected feeling of being left alone, of being speculated about, of being the topic of every gathering, and of being the one that no one wishes to know yet loves to be informed of? How often?

I can say that I have been, still am and will be that someone maybe for as long as I am living or even may be when I am already long gone. In my younger days I used to confront each and every one who dares treat me with a tinge of disgrace. I will stop at nothing, and will be too happy to lose some friends along the way. Friends do not really play a major role in my life, neither do families of such nuisance.

I wish to celebrate my life at this age, therefore, putting aside all these housewife talks, evening tea gossiping and family get together whispering has been top most important to me. I want each and every one of you to know that I have been successful at that, and yes it is also important to let you know that I am happy, very happy indeed, Alhamdulillah.

So people enjoy your talks, I forgive you and may the Lord forgive you too. I don’t have much but I sure have a heart.

I Am High

I am down and out, high on drugs, so if at any one time I am talking to you and suddenly you heard the phone dropped then that can only mean that I must be already dozing off.

If I am chatting with you and you can see that the topic is not focus, just let it be. The possibility of me not seeing things right at this point of time is very high. Some of the medication is singing lullaby to me all the time.

In So Much Pain

At one point when the pain was so excruciating, I quietly whisper to the Lord “I am ready, just protect the six people that I love so much with all your blessing”.

It was 4 am in the morning, I could not stand up, could not move, or turn, and I have never felt so much pain, at least not after my major operation.

Uncertainty

For the past two days I have been hit by an uncertainty of waves. I guess I must have anticipated that it will come gradually if not sooner, it is so critical that everything peaceful suddenly becomes fiery, and then I also realized that I have some kind of memory lapse when I am being hit by these waves.

I cannot even imagine putting reasons to why these waves can be such obstruction to my norm. Somehow when I think again it is weird for someone like me to fall prey to the waves every once in a grey moon. Funny as you may think there would be very little that warrants such a situation, it came from nowhere. It is not like there will be an earthquake tremor to trigger this, there can be absolutely nothing but it just comes crashing on me, just like that.

I must also not deny the fact that there were moments I could be hit real hard, just like those fishing boats in the middle of the ocean, suddenly being hit with a huge high wave that is without warning, and could either break me to pieces, or stun me to numbness. It will effect my emotions so bad that the reel of bad memories will just keep playing the stories that I have had long thought buried. When this happens it weakens me so much so that I just want to hide in the closet, only to be discovered when I am ready to smile again.

So yes, to each and every one of you that is living with me physically or virtually, just remember that I can get hit by these waves. Therefore, if I start to snare at you, just tolerate my moment, just be nice to me, or better just leave me alone.

At This Age

So you say you are a mother, a good mother at least, who could not love her kids any less. Are you? Or are you in disillusion? Do you think being a mother is like playing with Barbie, meaning when you feel like it, you will take the Barbie and shower her with your undivided attention, but once you are bored, you will just throw the Barbie wherever you think is appropriate.

Wake up; please wake up before it is too late.

What kind of a mother will deny her own kids a good education, and rather spend the money in the pretext of visiting the Lord’s magnificent home, and come back a mighty monster. What kind of a mother will leave her own kids scattered around with no direction, while she is busy keeping “a good friend” company. What kind of a mother will encourage her underage daughter to befriend strangers on the internet and allows her to carry on with the relationship.

Are you not ashamed? Are you that senseless? Or you are just plain stupid?
You give them a home, but it is more like a pig sty, you give them love but not attention, you give them freedom but without any guidance, you think you can give them the world but without being a real mother is it?

I am not surprised with your etiquette, because like many of them you have come under my roof once too often. I have been there when you were at your lowest and when others would prefer to see you begging on the road before giving their hand for support. But you are getting to the peak of your bizarre behavior, at the age when most would repent, and turn to the Lord for forgiveness.

Actually, I told myself that I do not want to get involved, meaning I don’t even want to know about you. But when my cotton candies are at stake, I cannot help but feel like shaking you up.

Please, please look into their eyes, and tell them that you are their mother, and not just someone who brought them here accidentally.

Patience

Patience is the sharpest best sword with which we cut our way through time to achieve our hopes and dreams.

Guest Post entry.

It's Funny (Dedicated To Ana)

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how I feel so much but cannot even say a word
I am screaming inside, but I cannot be heard

I’m so sad but I can’t cry
Waiting in the cold for more than just a flicker of the sun
It’s funny how I am feeling so hurt but I cannot even express
I am breaking inside, but no one can see my broken pieces

Tell Me Are You The Smart One?

Do you know what can make you an outstanding person, a person who people love to have around always, and whose company they are always seeking , whose voice is always listened to, and whose appearance is much welcome by the public. Do you know what will give you the edge above?

It is really not difficult to be that special person, believe me when they say that less is always more should be the norm of an everyday living. There are too many stupid people in the world today, people who are seeking attention for no apparent reason, people who think that the world should always revolve around them and not anyone else, and people who think that their sharp tongue could over-power even the best politician in the world.

Actually if you look around you, you can quickly put faces to such people because stupid people stereotype others. They copy and imitate what they think is the in thing, they are so afraid to be left out of any gathering, they feel so hurt if they were not invited to a function, and they moarn and whine over a peanut that got lost behind the sofa.

Stupid people memorize while smart people think so quickly and have a wider range of vocabulary when speaking; they are able to handle any communication at any level, not just bitching around. They are more eloquent while the stupid people lack the complex capability of thought, thus turning them to the whining lost dogs.

It is very difficult for stupid attention seeking people to learn from their mistakes, they will keep on repeating the same mistakes, the same errors over and over again and they can never be prepared. This is because they are never prepared as important things never register for long in their brains.

Common sense and reasoning is beyond this group of people. For example they would be happy playing computer games all night long or just dreaming of whom to burn the telephone line with, and then wonder why they could not concentrate in class or focus through the lecture.

Stupid people are just not about to listen and have a fixed point of view no matter what the world can be telling them. They behave illogically and repeat that circle of life over and over again.

Smart people understand that intelligence comes in many forms, try asking a stupid person to explain this; you will probably get a giggle of “ermm, I don’t think so”.

Tell me; are you the smart one or the stupid one?

Roast Chicken And Fattoush

First day of the year, we got up very late for some reason; we were just lazy to do anything at all. Hubby made fried Maggie for brunch, and then we were back to scrabble, or doing our own things just to pass the time.

By 1500 hours when I was again in slumber, hubby went to the kitchen to marinate the chicken, as he is making his famous roast chicken for us for dinner. Initially, we had planned to just go cruising on the train, well we have been planning to do this like ever since I can remember, but yet to make the plan materialize.

His roast chicken is better than mine, though the initial recipe was from me. I taught him to do this when he was living here alone, and has to do his own cooking all the time, so roast chicken was the easiest and could be marinated before he left for work and can just be bunked in the oven upon his return.

However, he has perfected it so much so that when anyone suggested roast chicken, he will have to do it. He has the patience to punch holes all over the chicken so that he could stuff his crushed garlic. He will let the chicken be marinated with the special sauce (a mixture of soya and oyster sauce, black pepper, honey, and sesame oil) for at least 3 hours. I can pledge to you that hubby’s roast chicken is simply the best not because he is my husband and I am being bias, but that is the truth.

This evening the roast chicken was served with fattoush (Lebanese salad) and some toasted baguette.

Good start to a new beginning………………… *smile*

Happy 2011

Let me write this down now before I totally cannot recall what I did on the last day of 2010. There was nothing much to shout about, but I still want to pen it down as my memory span can be a bit f-----d up at times.

For the last few days hubby had his alarm set to 0630 hours instead of the usual 0700 hours, his reason being so that he could be at work early and be home early for me too, ah…………… well I might just agree though when you put the calculation together it just came to the same answers.

Anyways, I was home alone till around midday when he gaily walked in and announced that he is taking me out for a very late lunch. I was eager to eat mainly because I was really hungry and also I wanted to go and smell the remaining of the sales.

Lunch was fantastic, we eat till we could barely breathe, after that we walked happily daring each other to walk on the frozen water in the lake, and finally making it to the shopping mall just to discover that all the shops were closed. They were operating half day in anticipation of ushering in the New Year. From the windows I could see all the sale signs waving to me……………*dejected*, we left.

Hubby suggested that we could go for the countdown later but I was not interested at all, so we decided to go and pick up some groceries before heading home.

While waiting for the new year to arrive, we watched a couple of TV series, played scrabble and hubby made some open mini sandwiches for us to munch in bed together. At one point of time I decided to start changing channels on the TV hoping to catch a live coverage of the countdown. Well that was never meant to be and has never been for all the years that we have been here. I thought maybe, just maybe that a possibility of change could happen………… tough luck.

Believe it or not 10 minutes before 12 midnight, I turned to hubby and told him please give me my foot massage as I want to sleep and could not hold it up any more. He was begging me to stay up just long enough so that he could wish me happy New Year. Honestly, it was a no go for me, when my eyes say sleep, no stopping.

I ushered in 2011 in my slumber while hubby sang the auld lang syne alone………………. He he he sorry darling, but thank you for the wonderful sandwiches!!!!!!