Peaceful Demonstration

Two Continents

I had an early appointment at the school today, so we decided to leave together, meaning hubby was delayed a bit. He could not accompany me as today is Friday and he had missed 2 Friday prayers, and therefore not making today the third. I agreed.

After the meeting, I went across to the shopping mall, sales still on, wanted to get a cooler for the apartment. The temperature is tremendously hot now and the single fan is not helping much. Went to KIKA and saw too many things to drool on that I even forgot how my two small toes were hurting me, as today I decided to put on my new shoes. When I bought it, I swear to God that it was so comfortable; however it is biting my two small toes now. But, all these were alright, as my mind was busy choosing things that were on sale. I am happy crazy when I see a good sale.

Can’t remember how long I was in the shop, after paying I realized that my two small toes are hurting badly. Hubby called a couple of times; this time however, I exaggerated on the pain, and was also moaning that I don’t have enough money to spend. He suggested that I dropped by his office and take some cash, but being the `drama queen’ me, I emphasized that my toes hurting, and I just wanted to go back. He tried persuading me again, but nothing works, so promise promise that we will continue shopping tomorrow *wink, wink*. (Actually, I only need a cooler…………… hemm, bad habits die hard).

Upon returning home, I wanted to chat with my little princess, however, I got a text message from her telling me that she wants to sleep, I guess she must be tired from school.

Later while chatting she told me that her sister took her to the doctor after school, as her pinky was still hurting, after the little accident that she had while fooling around with her sister yesterday. Alhamdulillah, she took her to the clinic as I was a bit worried for she told me before bedtime yesterday, that it was still hurting.

Now, approximately 2215 hours back home, she told me again that she wants to sleep, this is not like her. Is she getting sleepy because of the medicine? Being the forever over worried mama, I called my eldest girl and asked her why is she not home? After listening to her explanations, then only I remember that she had something on with the `kampung’ folks today. Well, it is never easy having to juggle your life between your love ones over two continents.

InsyaAllah, tomorrow will be better, but it is alright because my trust is in the Almighty, and he has reasons for everything.

I love you, you, you, you and you!!!!!

Commit Suicide

I was shocked to know that she tried to commit suicide yet again today, first she did an overdose and now she wants to jump into the river. I have spoken to her before, encouraging her to seek help and assuring her that the world is not as bad as she thought it to be. Well, she did seek help, she went for a couple of counseling sessions, and they gave her tons of medication to calm her down, thought it only made her worse.

When my daughter told me of her eccentric behavior prior to all this, I told her that as a friend you should always stand by her, do not criticize her but try to understand why she is like that. Then we discovered the truth (which is too personal to be shared), and the more I told my daughter to understand her.

People can be very judgmental, quick to conclude such an attempt as an insane act. To me, it is not, it is more of a character of voicing out one’s painful emotional hopelessness, which could not be expressed on a normal channel. When you could not trust anyone to pour your heart out to, the world will become a smaller place to live in; in your head you will create clutters in the form of questions and answers, vengeful, vindictive and destructive. Suicide is not the answer and neither is it the right choice. Death is not the solution.

Why is it that she is not improving with the doctor’s help, could she be too dependent on the drugs given that she can no longer have a hold of herself? Why is she wasting away? To me, she is such a sweet person, petite, intelligent and very kind. From the terrible tragedy that befalls her, I could only conclude that she is finding herself unworthy of forgiveness, added on with the entrapment of home and parental control.

My daughter wants to give up on her, but I said no, I told my daughter to try and read some `surah’ to her, talk to her and try not to leave her alone. But, I do understand that my daughter’s patience is running out too. Worst case scenario is that they are roomies.

It does not help to know also that because of her attempt to jump into the river, it is now a police case; however, it just ends there. The government is not offering help at all, and she was sent back to the Student Affairs of the University, neither do they take precaution to protect her, she was sent back to her hostel. What are these people thinking of?

Many people don't think suicide is an important issue, to them; it is just like a toothache. It will be bothering you for a while, once it is taken out, no one even wants to know when you had the bad tooth. Life is too precious. I wish I can hold her and tell her this, I wish she can set a goal with determination to get her out of this situation. I don’t want her to realize when it is already too late, and she should know that once one takes his/her own life, this will be a point of no return. Can you see that killing yourself will not make you happy or go to heaven; it will only make you dead.

I wish I can create a forum to show her that people care and that she is loved.

Simply ............ Elise

First time I was introduced to Elise was more than a year ago. She looks so lonely in her own corner in the house in front of the TV, or on the balcony smoking her shisha or water pipe. She does not speak much English and she is fat.

Elise lives alone with her brother in law after her sister’s death many years ago, she washes, cooks, cleans and keeps the house for him, in return of him giving her a roof. I used to have a lot of fun about Elise and her brother in law.

Yesterday, we were told that Elise has to be taken to the hospital, she suddenly could not see in both her eyes and she is not well. I feel bad, she has been inviting me to come over and keep her company, but I had declined all the invitations, as I am not one to hang around and gossip, worst how can we communicate because she is not fluent in English.

I say a little prayer for her tonight, asking the Almighty to keep her strong and keep her health good, the same prayer that I asked of the Almighty when I was at the hospital last Saturday, and saw this patient on a wheelchair sitting alone, and trying very hard to swallow her food. It breaks my heart, where are the family or friends at least to keep her company.

We wanted to visit her at the hospital but were told that no visitors allowed, therefore, we will have to wait till she is discharged and visit her once she is back in the house. I told myself not to make fun of her anymore and to apologize to her when the opportunity comes.

I dedicate this entry to Elise, may you be able to see again and may the Almighty keep you in His Tender Care.

My Tears will not Return

How often do you sit and ponder at the reflection of your life, how often do you wonder why you are here today and gone tomorrow, how often do you say thank you God for all what I am and how often do you cry?

Today, I cried.

Was I sad, did someone hurt me bad or am I missing on time? No, I cried not because I am sad, hurt or likewise, I cried because of late I notice that she has been arrogant and rude. I brought her up with so much love, praying each day that she be the perfect person in her life, be respectful and mindful of her tongue, and I can’t help but question what has gone wrong? She has been my strength and my confidante all these times. I shared a lot of my sorrow, joy and tears with her.

When I was living in Dubai, I was given a book title `Don’t be Sad’ by the fourth wife of my employer. She is an American who converted to Islam to be in marriage. We spent times talking and listening to each other, though her husband, a filthy Arab businessman farts money every second of his life, I guess being a fourth wife before the fifth comes along was never easy.

Don't Be Sad was written by Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarni, in her book she mentioned that we will always have to face criticism, which when we look at it can be like an interminable war, for criticism shows no sign of ending. People will not stop censuring you or finding fault in your character, therefore be prepared to be hurt and to be criticized. I accept this from her today; she was blunt, none caring and showed no respect towards me. I am not fretting about it, I just love her whatever.

I guess she is angry with me for suddenly bestowing her with too much responsibility; therefore I attributed her anger towards me as me intruding on her rights of living her life with no responsibility. It is my mistake, in her eyes I am wrong, and so be it. I forgive her, and this is the only way I know not to be distressed. `Perish in your rage '. (Qur 'an 3: 119)

I consider what she did was a part of my past, there is no point living your past, it should be considered as finished. The past to me is nonexistent, the tears that I shed from this episode will not return to my eyes.