You Ain't Heavy

Blogging is a healing process for me. There is so much hurting and bashing that I have taken in my life that I wish to be healed off. No matter how I forgive, yet I am still hurting and I don’t seem to forget. When you think you can confine in someone for solace and understanding, you get ditched over and over again.

Often we hear the saying `you ain’t heavy, you’re my brother’ and I am proud of this saying too. My brother, how do I start writing about you? There were too many memories, too short a time and still too much of hurting. You were ` the man’ in my eyes for so long, till you belittled my daughter, who could not defend herself as I was working abroad. You can trash on me, you can do anything you want to me, but when it comes to my kids, I will not tolerate any nonsense, not even from you.

You never invited me for your daughter’s wedding, well it does not really matter, I still got invited by my ex sister-in-law. I was never included in any of the family meetings organized by you, well fine by me. Despite all this, I still respect you, never forgot to kiss your hand each time we bumped into each other. Then I realized that you were not even acknowledging my presence anymore, it is time to draw my line. I reciprocate in the same way, however, the last time we met, which was in February this year, our father had insisted that I kiss your hand again, so I did and you know I did it for you Abah.

You forgot too soon, you judge by being biased, but I really don’t care, I know our paths will always cross, though I hope not. Do you remember when you were at the worst of your career, when you were put to shame, who was there with you, trusting you and supporting you? I put my work on hold so that I can give you the time you need, and I can still remember what you told me: “What you see you forget ok”, and I live to this day abiding to your request, because I was the only one who you trusted with the content of your letter. What I saw will go to the grave with me, because this is what you wanted.

Then, do you recall how you wanted me to take care of one of our sisters because she had undergone an operation and you do not wish anyone to know? Yes, I did as instructed, each morning I will make her breakfast, take the taxi, drop the food and go to work, then in the evening after work, I will go home, cook dinner and deliver same to her. This ritual repeated itself for a week. Did I complain, where was the rest of your sisters then, why didn’t you trust them?

When they took your picture with your girlfriend as a scandal, and you wanted to shoot these people, well brother, you know I was there, but none of your siblings knew about your behavior. Remember when I was still living in Singapore, you use to come and visit, and we will sit at the back of the house, you wanting me to fill you up with the family news, moments like these are surreal to me.

Starting a restaurant has always been something that you wanted to do, and you decided to try with our younger brother, where did you turn to for someone to cook all the food? Me, I hope you remember this brother, I never turned you down. Despite having my own kids to care for, my job and my studies, I did not deny you, diligently I will wake up at 0400hours to do all the cooking, so that everything will be ready for you to come and inspect before it goes for sale.

I don’t really know what happened between you and mom, because I do not want to take sides. Information was fed to me by the ladies of the family, but did I ever ask you brother, did I ever treat you any different? Never! Whenever you come back to our parents’ home, you refuse to enter the house, I will come and serve you food on a try in the verandah, whether you eat or not, that’s beside the point. My job was to serve you.

The first time you ever hurt me was when you tore all my Michael Jackson’s posters that I had put on the wall in my room. I had bought these posters with my own scholarship money, you spared nothing. Till today, I never understood why you did that, what had triggered the anger in you to tear everything will remain within you.

When you were taking your own private flying license, wasn’t it me who you took to accompany you all the time, because you were just comfortable taking me anywhere and everywhere with you. I never complained no matter how tiring it can be, waiting and waiting all the time. It was a happy moment for me to see you enjoying your life.

When mom requested that I took care of your adopted son, I obliged, though my hands were tight. I have 4 kids to care and I was working abroad, but I took your son in with me, because no one else wants to have anything to do with him, including you. However, his behavior was bizarre to just put it politely and I have to send him back after almost a year with me. Everyone gang up against me for returning him. It became my problem; I was treated like someone with a Hansen's disease. I choose not to talk or to discuss this matter with anyone till today, so whatever speculation that you people had put forth, may you all be forgiven.

Now, we are strangers to one another, if this is what you want, so be it. I forgive you brother, as I want you to forgive me too. Life is ever so short; I do not want to regret anything. Just know that you can always count on me.

Mean People

Recently, I came across a friend on vacation from Dubai, it is just normal to ask how all the friends there are. She gave me a run down on everyone and I was concerned on one particular friend named Laila, I knew she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and already in the third stage. Laila had gone for treatment in Germany and Singapore, undergoing massive chemotherapy and radiation. Obviously the effect of this will make her skin turn dark. So, I was surprised when this friend told me bluntly that, even when she is still alive, she is being burnt already.

I just corrected her and said that this is normal for a cancer patient. In my heart I pray to God to keep her safe from such illness, and give her tongue a good cure. Why are people so mean? I can only deduce that we are what we absorb, if we absorb hate we will hate and if we absorb love we will love.

This is the culture that I often see in my society; they will rejoice on someone else’s misery and contemplate within their sick mind with meanness. I remember, once someone’s house was robbed and I was discussing this with my mom, she just said………….. hemm, the earnings they got to buy the property must be from some ill mannered ways. Gosh, give me a break, how can you even conclude that? However, when my sister’s house was robbed over and over again, she did not make such remarks.

My secretary’s eldest born daughter was a Cerebral palsy; she used to keep the baby hidden from public, as she was ashamed of this born, till her daughter’s demised. This is because the society had condemned that they deserved such a child due to what they might have done to others. It is really mean; I assured her most of the time that only God knows the reason and no one else.

I also notice that at work, the bosses are normally mean and nasty, especially if their subordinate is better than them. Instead of acknowledging that these workers are good, they choose to be mean, they will often play the role of a Dictator, threatening, abusing and ganging. Can I say that this kind of bosses is mean because they have deep rooted issues within themselves? They must be so beaten up in their head that abusing others give them the adrenalin rush, they go high on meanness. They allow the devil to be in the driver's seat.

I could go on writing about the issue of mean people, but blogging is a way of getting things off my chest, so I will have to be careful not to turn each topic to a lengthy reading. However, I would like to share here the job experience that I ever hated, which evolved around mean people. I was once employed to terminate two General Managers and an Accountant in a company. This is because in the mind of the Chairman these people were looting the company’s property. Somehow, I realized that one of them was my brother-in-law.

Consciously, I cannot carry out the termination of my own brother-in-law (though he plays no role in my life at all), and because of this the Chairman started finding faults with me. What he does not realize is that it is with utmost relief and happiness; I put in an immediate resignation. To me, there is no greater incentive then to avoid the journey to his office. However, my brother-in-law whose neck I have saved proved to be as mean as what the Chairman had revealed.

I will be damned if mean people have not paved the way to hell. So mean people, I sure hope you will have fun there. Now, I am mean too right? Well, if you can’t beat them…………………… so????

People Watching

I just love watching people and capturing them on camera. Sharing some with you here

Booze

Booze

Knocked out

Knocked out

Clowning around

Clowning around

Clowning around

Who needs fuel?

Turning green from questioning

Donation - China earthquake

Counting the hours

Bachelorette hen party in the middle of no where

Still in love

Talk to me

Turkey vs Czech Republic

Turkish played the Czech Republic in a breathtaking situation. I was glued to the ground when Czech scored the first goal. It could not have been more complete when they banked in the second goal not long after. The cheering was echoed all around.

However, the rain started coming. First it was tiny drops then it continued with a bigger drop and heavier. As the rain became heavier, the Turks became more aggressive. For whatever reason, I have never been a fan of the Turkish team. My jaw dropped to the floor when the aggressive Turks scored in their first goal by Arda. I could not believe this happening as I was pretty sure that the Czech had sent the Turks home leading them with two to nil. Now it is the Turkish supporters turn to sing and dance and blow the horn.

I was praying hard that the rain will stop so that the Czech will get their rhythm back. Before I could even finish saying a hundred prayers, in goes the second goal by Mihat. Is there more to say, the sound of the rain could not drown the cheering of the Turkish supporters. It went on and on and you can see both teams getting very aggressive now. Flashes of yellow cards take turn from the white to the red color team. A third goal by the Turkish was banked, the hopes of the Czech were shattered more than anyone’s imagination. Some of the faces of the supporters were as solemn as the weather.

And the rain kept falling and the animalistic characteristic of each and every player kept on growling, and I guess the level of tolerance by the referee has gone down to zero, it was during the 90^th minute, the red card was flashed to the burly built Turkish goalkeeper. He was contested but the goal keeper was still sent out of the field. What more is there to say, congratulations turkey and Czech you played a good game, luck was just not on your side.

And my husband who is never a football enthusiast, but has to come along all the time because I had wanted to, turned to me out of nowhere, I thought he was going to give a consolation to the loss that I felt but, to my horror, he just said, that was a humiliating defeat, isn’t it? I swear I could have pulled out his eyes from their socket, but then, it’s just a football game and he is my husband for life.

Beggars

When I arrived into Shanghai, it was dull, gloomy, rainy, dark and cold, as it was the winter season. It made me sad immediately. The hotel was beautiful and nice; however, they did not have any halal restaurant, leaving me with no choice but to venture outside of the hotel for food.

As I was walking I saw small children barely 3 years of age, with cheeks as red as a ripe tomato, green thick slimy mucus running down their nose, and smelling very bad. To me, they were just like the homeless and must be pretty hungry in this winter night. As I was walking, I noticed that they were trailing behind and putting out their hands, begging. Hemm……………….. where are your parents huh? However, I can keep on pondering but these kids must be so hungry, so I decided to stop at a small shop selling buns, and bought almost 30Rm worth and gave to them. They ate so fast and I just continued my journey to go to the nearest mall, but, wait a minute, they are not leaving me just yet.

My friend was angry with me by now, and she accused me of being stupid, just because I thought that the kids were hungry, so we decided to scam and run into the mall. Of course, the kids stopped dead just outside the mall as they were not allowed inside. So, they are the Shanghai beggars.

Beggars are everywhere, in Indonesia, Philippines, my own country (a syndicated of them), Singapore, London, Europe, you name it, and they are bound to be beggars. Ok, these people literally, put their hands out to you, or you will see an amputee without an arm or a leg, or a retard child begging for sympathy on their fate, with the hope that you will give them all the coins that you consider too heavy for your pocket. Some beggars come with flowers for no particular occasion, they gave you a stalk of rose, and you are happy as this is a good gesture, then they turn round and demand at least 1Euro for that. And I will be like………………. What?????

Then how do you categorize those people who dress up as Darth Vader, Snow White, Mozart, etc, who stand on a piece of bench with an open hat in front of them. They expect passersby to throw a coin or two inside the hat or better still pay them if you want to take pictures with them and in case of the Mozart guy, he will play his violin only when someone throws a coin in the hat. I would group them as beggars too, but on a professional level, don’t you think so?

I guess as long as the plague of life demands simple material like a loaf of bread on the table, beggars will keep on begging.