What's My Direction

I'm missing home so much
Every waking hour I wish that it's the beautiful mountain that greets me,
Not the sound of kids screaming and crying
Not the sounds of the honking and heavy traffic
I ponder and I keep on wondering
Why am I still here, what's my direction?

I'm Made Of Steel

Eight years, a long eight years
The thought of returning to this land
Never really enticed me

But Allah knows best

With my new cancer I have to return
I caught the bait of strong promises
All I want is to get better
With the least of financial involved
Seeing my parents and grandkids is a bonus

Here I am, the treatment so far so good
I'm glad the bill was not as mountain high
I got to have my parents for a moment
Alhamdulillah, for Allah always know best

My grandkids are keeping my days bright
I look forward to seeing them every day
They are the new dimension of hope
The innocent never lies

Eight years, I came back to worst siblings
I should have expected this
But time does change people for the better
Only not with this family

Am I sad, no
But demotivated, yes
I have to be made of steel to stand alone
Allah knows best.

It's Another Friday Today

It's another Friday today Abah
Maybe you'll wake up
Maybe you'll call my name again
Maybe you'll smile again
Maybe you'll talk again
Maybe you'll joke again
Maybe you'll drink again
Maybe you'll eat again
Just maybe Abah
But I'm hopeful
Allah Swt knows best Abah, He's our Creator

#love you till Jannah Abah
#you are never far from me
#praying for you Abah

When The Shutter Closes

When the shutter closes Abah
When all the noise is long gone Abah
When the moon stands up smiling Abah

I'll creep into your room Abah
I'll stand by your feet watching you Abah
I'll count your heartbeat Abah

You are sleeping Abah
You are still my handsome Abah
You are the strength that I live for Abah

Goodnight from your midnight owl Abah
Goodnight from the outcast owl Abah
Goodnight and good morning Abah

I'll come creeping in again Abah
They can take everything from me Abah
But they cannot deny my blood right Abah
I'll fight till death for that Abah

Because I love you till Jannah Abah

Father's Day

It's Father's day today Abah
I came back as promised
You were deep in sleep
I watched you, I wished I could hug you tightly
But I was afraid that it would wake you up
I remember our last conversation Abah
It was surreal, it was deep
Then I lean forward and kiss your forehead
You smell so good. Alhamdulillah
I'll give them the cream that you like again
It's the least that I can do for now
I'm threading on thin lines
To always be very careful of our time together
Happy Father's day my Abah
I love you till Jannah

You Can Do It !!!

Abah, it's the 15th day of Ramadan today
I came back to visit you as promised
They moved you yet to another private room
I'm glad that there's no one with you
I just want to be alone with you
You looking so tired Abah
I wish I could take all your pain away Abah
I wish that there's more that I could have done
I wish and I wish and I'll keep on wishing
Standing next to you, I recite the AL Qur'an
While reading the surah, you opened your eyes a couple of times
Your mouth moving, as though you are taking to me
You coughed a couple of times during my reading
I placed my hand on your chest Abah to comfort you
You are so frail Abah, tears just run automatically from my eyes
I'm not giving up on you Abah
I want you to get well, you are a fighter Abah
You can do it, and I know you can
Allah Swt willing you can Abah, you can
I left when it was your feeding time
Kissing you gently on your forehead and cheeks
Goodnight Abah
See you same time tomorrow, in shaa Allah
Love you till Jannah Abah