Mary And Max

Cried when I watched this movie, it was based on a true story and I am sharing it here hoping that my readers will take the time to watch it too. It's a very old movie by old I mean it was done in the year 2009. The message was deep and because it was based on a true story made the effect of this movie more meaningful.

Please watch and understand the work of the mind and do not belittle or make fun of people with Asperger's Syndrom. I love you Schnappi so much. Hope someday you will know me, Insya Allah.

Life's Good

Every day I woke up feeling nauseated, sometime this will last for the whole day but on good days, it will go off by midday. I’m not sure what trigger this but for sure it is not comforting at all. There were moments I will tell my little angel that I’m very sure that I’m not pregnant; and she will laugh and told me back “oh that I too am pretty sure you are not mama”. Cheeky little thing, but wait till you hear what hubby had to say about that statement. He he he………………… missing him so much especially when I’m not doing good.

This whole week has been a very busy week for me and my little angel. We have been running up and down to the insurance department to get approval for her CT scan, my operation and also my MRI. We were given to do all these on different day, therefore, it was kind of tiring for us, as both of us were down with fever and making the trip to the insurance department was a real chore.

Alhamdulillah, the approval for her CT scan was immediately given, may be in my next entry I will blog about the reason why she need to do the CT scan and the operation that she will have to go through will be a major one. My poor little angel. Yes I also got the approval for my MRI but the approval for my operation is still pending. If that does not materialize I guess I will have to put my operation on hold again. We’ll see, but what is important is that I keep on knocking on every door that I possibly can.

Anyways, life’s good. Thank you Allah.

In Pain

Have been having so much of pain lately, it can be so immense that I would bite my teeth so hard to try and control the pain. I don’t know where it’s coming from, it was like one minute I’m well and good and the next minute I will down with such uncontrollable pain. The excruciating feeling is like as though I have been suddenly stunned by a stunt gun or a sharp razor blade is cutting through all my veins. There were moments that I will cry but then I realized that crying is not the answer, then I will turn to Almighty Allah for an answer, and it gave me peace, but the pain still persists.

The doctors have been prescribing pain killer after pain killer and more pain killers. The last one that was prescribed to me knocked me off for two days. I could hardly open my eyes, just got up to do my solat, then back to bed again. I felt that I was flying most of the two days, my head felt so light thus it shuns away the pain for a moment. After the experience of that medication, I totally refused to consume it any more.

When the pain is in every single muscles of your body, even sleeping will be a chore.

Please say a little prayer for me.

Asperger

Let's Have A Chocolate Day

But........ but..... that was gone too fast.  Let's have many more chocolate days

Chicken With No Hed

As mentioned in my previous entries I have been diagnosed with Barrett’s esophagus. Like many people I was never made aware of what this disease was all about. I guess when it strikes home then like a chicken with no head, you scatter around looking and trying to understand what is affecting you at the moment, or what you are suffering from now.

Barrett's esophagus is a serious complication of gastroesophageal (GERD) reflux disease. In Barrett's esophagus, normal tissue lining the esophagus, which is the tube that carries food from the mouth to the stomach, changes to tissue that resembles the lining of the intestine. About 10% of people with chronic symptoms of GERD develop Barrett's esophagus. Thus, I’m one of the 10% people. Barrett's esophagus increases the risk of developing esophageal adenocarcinoma, which is a serious, potentially fatal cancer of the esophagus.

If you are not suffering from it, you can never understand how painful Barrett’s esophagus can be especially if it does not stop for the whole day. Any amount of food or water you take can trigger the nasty heartburn, the sour salivating, the burning sensation, heavy coughing, laryngitis, and nausea. There were moments that you could not sleep at all.

I recalled one particular incident of a bad Barrett’s esophagus moment with me, yes, I was standing in praying and the reflux was so bad that it threw out all the food that I had from my stomach to my mount. It was disgusting to mention the list, let me not described the horrible instant vomiting that accompanied that incident, as well as the pain.

I was told that this happened because with the frequent reflux that I have, thus making the normal cells in my esophagus being eventually replaced by cells that are similar to cells in the intestine to become Barrett's esophagus.

Anyways, I am due for treatment in Singapore; however, this is not happening now due to some unforeseen circumstances. I don’t want to be running out of time sooner than I would have anticipated, therefore, like I mentioned above I’m now just like a chicken with no head, scattering around, fishing and looking at what’s the next best option that I can have to have the treatment that I needed at the earliest.

Hospital

Introvert

One Eyed Mother

Hope

........ because, I Myself Don't know why

I don't know what it is, I just cry sometimes.  Maybe I'm too sensitive, may be I'm still hurting as much as I am, may be I'm oblivious to the things going on around me, may be I'm still trying hard to forgive or maybe everything of the above. When the tears starts flowing, I realized that I don't have anything to say. Please don't ask me why I'm crying.................... because, because seriously I myself don't know the reason for that crying.

I Love Autumn Because ..........

I love autumn because 

- It has beautiful colors 

- It smells better than summer and winter and spring 

- It brought rain to clean the congested air 

- It brought rain to clean all the roads of dog poops and pee 

- It is quitter than summer 

- It whispers a lot of happy news from the fallen leaves 

- It is so serene with its mysterious secrets 

- It is the most calm season of the four seasons

Bargain Hunting

Hubby always labeled me as a great bargain hunter. Well, I guess it is nice to spend less on good things if you choose to take the time to look for the right price. I have been this kind of a person ever since I can remember; I just love to go for bargain hunting. Now this behavior has become more apparent since all the money that I have will go to financing my medical needs. It is not something that I regret, not having all the branded stuff does not matter to me at all, as long as I can still look good. In this picture, no one would have guessed that the jacket I wore cost only 10 Euros and the boots was found at 50% discount. However, I think I still look good.

Please Help The Syrian Children

I have been going around looking for things that I could get to support the charity for the Syrian children. It was a very humbling thing to do and gave me strength to go on, and knowing that no matter how big I thought my problems were, the Syrian children are currently facing a bigger challenge in life. I have registered to go with the group to help with the children. God’s willing I might get the opportunity one day, but for now I’m happy trying to put a few things together for them.

@ praying for the Syrian children.

Just Sharing

I don't remember where I read this article from, I'm copy pasting it here to share the information with readers of my blog.

Sunflower seeds are a good source of selenium. Studies suggest a strong correlation between low selenium intake and cancer incidence. Selenium has been shown to induce DNA repair and synthesis in damaged cells, to inhibit the proliferation of cancer cells, and to induce their apoptosis, the self-destruct mechanism the body uses to get rid of worn out or abnormal cells. In addition, selenium is incorporated at the active site of many proteins, including glutathione peroxidase, which is particularly important for protection against cancer. One of the body's strongest antioxidant enzymes, glutathione peroxidase is used by the liver to detoxify a great many harmful molecules. When levels of glutathione peroxidase are low, these toxic molecules wreak havoc on any cells they come in contact with, damaging their DNA and prompting the development of cancer cells. One quarter of a cup provides over thirty percent of the daily value for selenium. The vitamin E so abundant in sunflower seeds has also been shown to reduce the risk of colon cancer, bladder cancer, and prostate cancer.

Cancer Is Not A Death Sentence

Having cancer is not a death sentence. I am a much happier and content person now. Everything around me has new meaning, whatever is negative I would happily ignored them and move on with my live. Family and friends can be inspirational but some can just be hypocrites and a real pain in the neck. I realized over the period of being diagnosed who I can relied on and who will just come around to be sniffers of stories. I learned a lot and become immediately more mature in my understanding of being a cancer patient. Life is good, Alhamdulillah.

May Allah’s guidance be with me always.