Trying To Put Near Normal Back (4)

Trying to put near normal back to life, a walk in the rose garden. It was such a beautiful day and will be a waste if we don't come out and smell the roses. Most of the roses reminded you of your "Mak", the wonderful baby sitter with whom you grow up with. I hope someday "Mak" will be there for you again. You know how much she loves you.

  

   

 

 

 

 

 

I Believe The Task Is Mine

It breaks my heart to see the moment when uncertainty fogs your mind, the discussion or conversation can suddenly turned to a heated argument. The drama unfolded, not scripted and least expected of show time became a normal part of our home, but I know this will go away with love, patient and perseverance. After all, the rest of us in the family are less than perfect, and even in a normal family environment, conflicts do arise and that just make us all human.

I am appealing to all those people who confess their love for you, especially the closet in the family to understand your issues, and not to blame conflicts of relationship on your current state of mind. It is not fair to you at all, people forgot what a lovely person you were before and as your mother I am confident that deep inside you that lovely person is still living. I want them to try and understand you the way I am learning to understand you. The road is not an easy one but I am not afraid to travel that road with you, in order to see you back to normal.

Often now, I find myself trying to pacify people’s attitude, assumption and accusation. I believe the task is mine to make them understand you.

Trying To Put Near Normal (3)

Trying to put near normal back to life, it was pizza day and we all had fun, doing our own topping.  The pizza dough was just fantastic, and it was nice to eat on its own.  Thank you baby

 the very talented Chef

 rolling out the pizza dough

 thick crust

 spreading out the sauce

 mine was Thai chili paste with aubergine and emmentaler cheese

 

 this one was with Thai chili paste, sardine, bird eye chili, onion and also emmentaler cheese (pic without the cheese)

 same topping with fresh tomatoes

 same topping with aubergine and cheese

 

ready to eat, best homemade pizza ever

Bipolar Is At Work

I don’t know how it all got started, I wish I could roll back the reel of life and be notified by the turn of event that was about to happen, but life does not promise that to me, it is about surprises, bad or good, tackling the situation, and moving on.

Research indicated early signs as how subtly sinister it can be when a loved one is trending toward mania and this is not the manic stage yet or even the hypomanic. They will be seen as simply talking faster and louder, blurting out statements that are a little too open and honest and perhaps hurtful, and being more self-centered than usual.

During the 6 months that she was with us nothing of the above was seen or noted. Could it be that we were too happy to notice the tiny cracks on the eggshells? Everything was so normal; everyday was a new day with new beginning and new plans. There was no bad stuff during these times to drive any of us nuts or to cause a wedge between us. I have no idea what could be cooking in her innocent brain, we had so much to look forward to the future and yet to be shaken by the April 13, 2012 incident.

Bipolar is at work and I am working hard to understand this.

Trying To Put Near Normal (2)

Trying to put near normal back to life, log water splash at Prater.  Your smile was priceless.  Love you endless

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Snaily Baby

To the one that I love so much.  Thank you for everything

and may you have a 

very, very Happy Birthday

God bless you baby

Trying To Put Near Normal (1)

Trying to put near normal back to life.  I let you be as free as you want to be, because I love you.......

 

 

 

 

This Entry Is For YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided not to write anything to explain this entry, because I am very sure the pictures could do all the talking. 

  

 

Plagiarism

I have always been proud of my blog, as mentioned I blog to express my thought and my feeling and never to impress anyone at all or at any one point. I left my blog open, free for the public to read, to enjoy and or to get any information that may be worth sharing. However, I noticed that one or two or may be three other bloggers who frequented my blog is copying my style of writing, or copy pasting directly from some of my old entry. This is called plagiarism and it is not at all neat.

So, to those concerned please STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Thank you.

I am not done……………. Never will.

A month today, I noticed changes, lots of changes but I know our steps are still small. There were moments of high and moments of lows. They may not come too often but often enough for me to keep the counts.

I told myself that I am being tested and I know my faith will not fail me. I am praying and hoping that family members will support us in our time of uncertainties and relentless, instead of speculating and being unnecessarily nosy. Honestly, please spare me the dramas.

Whatever you are, I will never ever love you less. You are not alone, never have been alone, I am here to join you in your laughter and cry together in your time of sadness.

I am not done……………. Never will.

I Don't Do Birthdays Anymore

I don’t do birthdays anymore, especially if it was supposedly mine. From some of my older entries, you may already know that I really don’t know the real day when I enter this world, but I had 3 registered dates on my birth certificate. I have exhausted trying to figure out the right date of birth, therefore it does not matter anymore.

Anyways, to those who had sent private messages in wishing me a happy birthday, thank you very much, just know that you are appreciated.

.......... and how could I live and have no story to tell?

At midnight I found myself still awake, my head was throbbing with so many maps of vagabond, I watched the moon and suddenly I just cry. First I cried in silent, letting the tears flow freely until my vision was blurred, and then I just let it all out sobbing until I could hardly breathe.

Yes, I cried. This is an authentic time, I am a mess right now, total mess and the thoughts keep on playing with my vulnerability, poking fire to myself pity encouraging me to cry more. I don’t even bother to wipe the tears away, if only I could snap a picture of myself now and show the world how hopeless I was feeling and looking.

And yet, there is a perfection of this moment that I do not want to change. It is in the moment that I cherished the ability to feel the evolution in my own vulnerability.

I love this moment when I am feeling really sad, locked in my own thought, walking every mirror with reflection of what have been and could have been. The images of reflection tonight help to alleviate further my feeling of sadness. Would I be able to close some doors while trying to open other doors of uncertainty?

Tonight I was sad and I cried but that does not mean that I am weak. At this moment I know that I am a real mess who is trying very hard to keep it together and be grounded at the same time.

Life is a hurricane…………………………… and how could I live and have no story to tell?