This Is The Reality

My little angel climbed into my bed, and lay besides me. Then she starched out one of her hands and hugged me. After a while, she said “mama, why are you all bones now?” I acted surprised and asked her back, “really?” 

This is the reality of my life now.

I'm Here For A Purpose

Whenever I'm feeling so demotivated, I'll just look out of the window at that lonely black bird looking for food or a partner in this cold winter weather. Everyone has their own struggles. I'm struggling now and will continue this struggle with the hope of never ever to feel like giving up hope. This is just another chapter of my life and I'm here for a purpose.

Never Give Up

No matter what, never give up.  Even if every chapter of your life has already been written and delivered, there's always hope.  Almighty Lord is always there closer than you can imagine.  Submit, supplicate, pray and keep Him close to your heart and experience the miracle of change.

Note for self.

"Western People's Disease"

Do you know that in Chinese culture, cancer is often referred to as "Western people's disease"?  Are you aware that the incidence of cancer in China, Japan, and even in India is far lower than in Western countries?

Some people think it's because of diet, but I feel that's only part of it.  Another, possibly even larger factor may be mind-set -- the Western belief in cancer, the fear of it, and the constant "awareness" campaigns! Conventional western medicine focuses on detecting cancer, and most of their technology is diagnostic rather than promoting overall physical well-being and balance.

- Anita Moorjani -

It Will Grow Back

Just arrived home after hubby took me out for an evening walk, some coffee time, some quality time, some loving time :P, and some "membebel" time.  Everyday I thank Almighty Allah for this man in my life.

Of course the double espresso was mine....................... I need to keep myself awake!!!!!!

Morphine Next Please

I have gone from steroid injections to taking all these pain killers as prescribed by the doctors.  Nothing seems to work, well, not really what most of the medicine will do to me is just put me to sleep, before the pain persisted again.  The recommended operation will cost me 8000 euros.  Therefore, I will just continue with the current treatment or may be just bear with the pain.  However, if at any point of time the pain were to consume my everyday life, I will have to be warded for morphine treatment........ Life goes on and guess what I'm still me and smiling.  Please continue your praying for me ok.

 The recommended dosage two tablets when experiencing pain at the highest.  I ended with severe gastric pain instead.

 Also to take two tablets but it only put me to sleep two days in a row.

 Currently relying on this medication a lot, seems to relieve me of the pain for at least a couple of hours, Alhamdulillah.

Recommended dosage 2 tablets, these does not help me at all anymore (but it is still in my medicine box in case of emergency, by this meaning I do run out of medication a couple of times),

Friday Lunch And Yasin

The lunch and yasin was impromptu but it was worth the effort and the time, Alhamdulillah

 Broccoli cream soup

 Table setting

 Some fresh fruits, jelly and sweets to start with

 The surprise birthday cake

 Crispy fried chicken and mixed vegetables, not in the picture but was also served was salmon kapitan curry, shrimp in chili sauce and chicken in soya sauce

 'Badak berendam' brought by one of the guest. It was just delicious

My cup of tea :)

MRI again

 Filling up the necessary information at the lobby of the MRI unit on a quite Sunday afternoon

 Waving to my little angel (who accompanied me) before entering the tunnel (he he he)

The best of headphone does not help to block out the loud noise of the machine.  At this moment my eyes were closed shut.  I have phobia of such places. 

What I Wish I'm Doing

What I wish I'm doing right now, in truth I will be getting ready in an hour or so to go for my MRI.  

Life.......

 Having a nice foot massage

 Trying to understand her English with my eyes half closed

She tempting me with more hours of foot massage

I Cried

Following the cancellation of all my appointment.

I cried like I have never cried before.  I feel betrayed, I feel so let down and I feel ashamed of trusting so hard.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.  The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

Just Paradoxes

1. The more you hate a trait in someone else, the more likely you are avoiding it in yourself.

2. People who can’t trust, can’t be trusted

3. The more you try to impress people, the less impressed they’ll be.

4. The more you fail, the more likely you are to succeed.

5. The more something scares you, the more you should probably do it.

6. The more afraid you are of death, the less you’ll be able to enjoy life.

7. The more you learn, the more you realize how little you know.

8. The less you care about others, the less you care about yourself.

9. The more connected we get, the more isolated we feel.

10. The more you’re afraid to fail, the more likely you are to fail.

11. The harder you push for something, the harder it will feel to achieve.

12. The more available something is, the less you will want it.

13. The best way to meet someone else is to not need to be with someone else.

14. The more honest you are about your faults; the more people will think you’re perfect.

15. The more you try to keep someone close, the further away you’ll push them.

16. The more you try to argue with someone, the less likely you are to convince them of your perspective.

17. The more choices you have, the less satisfied you are with each one.

18. The more convinced someone is that they’re right, the less they probably know.

19. The only certainty is that nothing is ever certain.

20. The only constant is change.