I Am In Agony

For a couple of days, it seems I have some kind of mental block. Whenever I start to write something, something else will distract my attention and my work will be left untouched. Suddenly, there was a moment when I realized that I have nothing to write about at all. This is mainly because, my mental block remains that way, and to continue takes such and effort.

But one thing I am sure that I can always remember and be forced to remember is the constant pain that I have, and have to endure. It is putting many interesting parts of my life on a standstill; I am so wrapped up in so much pain.

There is no point trying to figure out what generates the pain, as much as I am trying to be independent of the pain killer, I must admit that I do sometimes fail, and the pain killer will be my solace. Secretly, I am beginning to enjoy the free feeling that it induces in me, and the non-disturbed sleep that I will have. I am not even daring to think how this will have a very severe effect on me in the long run.

I used to be very good at controlling pain situations, I don’t even cry, I will moan about the pain very often though, I will recite some supplication to sooth away the pain, or I will just try to block my mind off the pain totally, but this is getting more impossible to do. It seems that I just cannot do it anymore.

I am in agony of the pain and keeping my mind busy is not possible.