Knocked Down

Lately my life has been full of difficulties, I don’t know why I am labeling it as difficult, but it seems that way to me. I hate dwelling on them, but what else can I do when everything is not right. I am, in another word losing focus.

I was overcome with so much of denial, the feeling of sadness, angry and let down was too overwhelming. I felt disgusted with my own thoughts, where am I heading to, and who can I blame these lousy feelings on but me. I cannot allow myself to reach the lowest point of frustration, I don’t want to. However, being wrapped in pain all day long isn’t helping me at all. I am mad at me, no explanations there, just mad at me.

I have become so self-absorbed, trying to justify all my frustrations and yet sounded so wrong. What am I thinking of? I felt disgusted towards some people, every little things that they do come tracking down memory lane. I named them hypocrites, and I curse karma for missing their doors, and it ascertains my belief that karma is a super bitch.

People don’t understand why I isolate myself, they have been speculating, they have been rumor mongering, they talked as though they know me better than me. Funny………. Ha ha ha. Tragedies and difficulties at times naturally alienate you from the fake world. I have been knocked down for too many times and far too long.

Therefore, I have the right to feel disgusted with you and you and you.