Today I decided that I will do the following with an open mind and an open heart, and I told myself that I will not allow my mind to pause and wonder with what I want to do, for I only want to be happy in the midst of being engulfed in this darkness of pain.
Eat: Since the invention of Bio and Organic and whatever healthy living journal psycho us to believe, I have been one of those believers, hence I spent more money buying the “so called quality food”. No oil they said, no sugar they preach, no salt they scream, no red meat they said, don’t be a murderer, no that no this, and suddenly I find that my body is more battered; I am weaker than I was before and my health is at the worse that I could ever remember.
Now, I decided that I am going to eat anything and everything that they claimed were bad for the body, that they claimed caused every mystery of a disease in our body. I want to eat and eat, and not give a damn any more. Scientists, doctors and dieticians are human after all, who are out to make quick money from the easy believers like me. So, I am going to tell them fuck it, I am done believing. I will eat, yahaha *evil* that is the new me. I will eat and guess what I am starting today.
Ermmmmmm………… wait a minute, I also remember once my Pathologist told me that I should start drinking a glass of red wine daily and to take half an aspirin too. He he he red wine sounds tempting, aspirin I am already doing.
Pray: Why do we pray? There were moments I look at all the people who pray and pray, and shrouded yet they are the most evil people. I bet these people were born to pray, but to believe in praying is another thing. I don’t know why people pray, but I know why I pray.
Among so many reasons I pray because it is my faith to pray 5 times in a day, but I do not just pray, I make sure that I am totally clean body and mind before I surrender for my prayers. I used to pray and begging the Lord to change some of the road map of my life, I used to pray and beg Him to make me a better person; I used to pray and seek His message to make me understand why my mom despises me so much.
But now, I have decided that my prayer will be to obey Him and all I ask of Him is “Dear Lord, whatever you have in store for me, I will accept it, Dear Lord, I have my trust in you and I believe that you are the Almighty one”. Done, hence I will not be bowing for a longer time in my last kneeling of prayer.
Love: Is there one true definition of the word love? Nah…………. What has been said about love is too cliché, and so moronic and so eweeeee over exaggerated. Have I been in love, yes of course many times, but like many others I confused myself for thinking that I know the meaning of love, when in reality I was just needing someone to be by my side, and in the end I closed my doors shut against each and every one of the so called MEN in my life.
However, more than eight years ago I was destined to meet that special someone. He does not sweep me off my feet but he gave to me a new meaning of partnership, of understanding, of not wanting to be with anyone else but him, he taught me the real meaning of tolerance and honesty, and thus I conclude now that I have found love, and I am in love for the very first time, since he walked into my life.
We may not have much but we have warmth in each other’s heart all the time, his face will just light up even when he saw my shadow, he gives me all that I wanted even if he has nothing for himself, he waits on me, he cleaned my puke, he cradled me close when I am lost, he does everything for me from the depth of his heart. Hence this is love to me, and I am so happy to tell the world that all of you can kick my ass, for I am not alone as I have my love watching my back always (hubby what more can I say of you?).
My three steps in life now, eat (doing a lot of that), pray (still lacking at times, it’s my bad), and in love and loving it.
Go judge me, I will show you my middle finger, because honest to the Lord I don’t fucking give a damn anymore.
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