It is making me so depressed (I am not sure if this is the right word) or hopeless more like it. I am becoming so discouraged, and simply exhausted from following all the advices that was given to me, and consuming all kind of painkillers, I honestly don’t want to end up taking weed one day. This is one battle that I could not possibly come out a winner.
Doctors are no longer my safe heaven; they go against everything that they stand for, against the Hippocrates oath that they once took, against their education and moral beliefs. Their main interest now has turn to be a celebrity in the public eyes, and to make enough money to live in mansions. They once used to put my hopes so high, I believed them; I trusted that they have the answers to every sickness, or at least my kind of sickness, but they failed me.
I am not mad, I know my rights, and I know when the doctors were just bullshitting. Hate them, hate them more. They don’t understand the degree of pain that I am feeling; they refused to get it in their numb skull that the pain killers are not having any effect on me now. They took my money and my time and sent me home feeling more miserable.
Last night, I went from reciting the alFatiha, to the ayatul Qursi to the Yasin, to a deep conversation with the Lord, to surrendering myself for anything, when suddenly I felt that I was no longer me. I am not exaggerating, if only I could put the pain that I am feeling in words or colors or numbers, may be you will understand how much in pain I was.
Dr H, on a personal note, do you think I am going crazy because of the pain or do you think I am wrong to think that my heart could stop when my body is being engulfed by such degree of pain.
Please help me.
2 comments:
H, u are not crazy. Pain is pain, if you are here, I would have referred you to our pain team..and the spiritual healer that I know who had done wonders to my patient..a nurse; she was put to job of folding gauze, on the brink of divorce and taking antidepressant from me...but the holistic care resolved much of her pain, did not go ahead with divorce..and now pregnant and not taking any antidepressant...the pain treatment from the anaesthetic and otho doctors were pretty expensive...a cancer patient of mine found that low dose of Amitriptyline (25mg) is helpful..also the drug for fibromyalgia, pregabalin
BRAND NAME: Lyrica, may be helpful
lewat jawab, tak dak rumah...gi penang, kedah, ari ni kt..hope u feeling better today..
Post a Comment