F***ing Annoying

Pain, pain, pain and more pain, everything that I do, every move that I make is engulfed in pain. It is so annoying and frustrating. I have been ditching the pain killer for many years, but now I don’t care. Whatever pain killers that I have available in the house, I am beginning to dose them down. I noticed that I am also cursing and swearing at myself each time the pain comes so unexpectedly.

I am also thinking of taking a whole box of pain killer and then go to sleep, may be that way the pain will go away. I know it is stupid but what else can I do. The almost 2 months of physiotherapy is not doing any good, in fact it is giving me more pain.

I need a lot of pillows to sit on the couch, to sleep, I need support to stand up, I need help with my dressing, I need someone to help me in the shower. I am so hopeless, and I don’t like that because I am not like that. I have been a champion for a long time, was a proud single parent to my four kids almost all my life, I was able to travel the world carrying my heavy luggage, all on my own. But now I could not even carry my own hand bag for a long time. I need help, it is so sad.

Pain is fucking annoying.