I Am Kind Of Anxious Today

I am kind of anxious today; my thoughts are clouded and malicious. I am disgusted by so many things. I felt that I am losing control and perspective. I felt battered but not in my body, everything is in the mind. Tired, tired too tired to go on thinking. It no longer puzzled me on the way I am feeling today, I am just dazed.

What have become of the energetic and courageous me? I must admit that my bone condition is making me feel like a broken wild horse. I can no longer run, trotting is a real effort, show jumping is just a distance memory, I am now only brisk walking and limping, and my poor right arm deny me the ability to even dress easily, while my back needs to be supported with loads of pillows to be able to sit comfortably on the couch. My social life is close coming to zero, I don’t enjoy the company of friends anymore, I just love home and watching the rustling of the leaves outside my windows
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I am like a very well tune robot that caters to everyone’s need, making sure that they are happy. I don’t care about what my own heart demand of me anymore, it is not important. There were times that I thought I have been trying too hard, giving so much and loving so endlessly. I must STOP, I screamed inside me, but no one is hearing.

My wondering thoughts bring me back to reality. There are still many incomplete chores to be done. Stop feeling sorry and just be happy.

Ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!