Down And Out

Down and OUT………………………………..!!!!!!

I Hate Me Too

The sharp throbbing pain on the left side of my head woke me up at 0332 hours, I am kaput I know. The pain has been there since Friday evening. On the same day I was trying to ditch further physiotherapy and cold munari plus the electrodes (whatever) treatment, but with no success.

My feelings are not too happy right now, I am running a marathon with no ending ribbon to be dashed. I am being referred from one doctor to the other. In the beginning I warm up to them, then I despised them. The more I am with them, the more irritable news that I got. Conclusion, I don’t like them anymore.

I am trying to erase a lot of faces in my thoughts; I don’t want to recall each appointment that I have had with each and every one of them. They are human like me, therefore, mistakes are abundance. I am playing my own devil advocates. I am loosing trust in this industry; shall I go to a shrink next?

I don’t know, the throbbing is annoying, irritating the guts out of me. I put my fingers on the pain area and I burped a lot of air, I feel like puking, my eyes are blurring.

I hate me too.

Sick Bastards

Sick BASTARDS, and guess what; this is what America is made of.  A Judge doing this, can you stomach that?

I Shall Not Fret

Not knowing what else that I could do or what else I could have done to overcome this continuing pain, I decided to take the two angels out for a walk and an ice cream evening. The darkness of a cold autumn evening made me realiz that this pain that I am undergoing is just another test from the Lord. My trust is in Him and I shall not fret.

I burn a candle for me.

F***ing Annoying

Pain, pain, pain and more pain, everything that I do, every move that I make is engulfed in pain. It is so annoying and frustrating. I have been ditching the pain killer for many years, but now I don’t care. Whatever pain killers that I have available in the house, I am beginning to dose them down. I noticed that I am also cursing and swearing at myself each time the pain comes so unexpectedly.

I am also thinking of taking a whole box of pain killer and then go to sleep, may be that way the pain will go away. I know it is stupid but what else can I do. The almost 2 months of physiotherapy is not doing any good, in fact it is giving me more pain.

I need a lot of pillows to sit on the couch, to sleep, I need support to stand up, I need help with my dressing, I need someone to help me in the shower. I am so hopeless, and I don’t like that because I am not like that. I have been a champion for a long time, was a proud single parent to my four kids almost all my life, I was able to travel the world carrying my heavy luggage, all on my own. But now I could not even carry my own hand bag for a long time. I need help, it is so sad.

Pain is fucking annoying.