My Journey Is Yet To Be Completed.

I realized that I have been a total mess these couple of days. I don't know why everything is agitating me. Now that hubby is settled in, I am back to concentrating on my situation. The pain is a real bother, I blamed it on the weather as the spreading of the pain is quicker than I had anticipated. At this point of time in my life, I will try to blame it on anything.

The feeling of helplessness can be unbearable especially when I am in the shower or cooking in the kitchen, or walking alone in the bitter weather. The pain is limiting too much of my movement, I don't like to cry for help each time I could not do something, I am too proud for that. The doctors' appointment are piling up, I know I have to go whether I like it or not, I cannot cheat myself of the truth. Just thinking of how I will be in a couple of years make me sad, and the self pitying syndrome sets in. It played with my emotions like a roller coaster, it took me to the highest point of adrenaline rush and to the lows of hopelessness again and again. And yeah, the tears become a mixture of broken pieces and unsettling feelings of the unknown.

No, I told myself in between tears, I am not going to cry. It is not me; I don’t cry anymore, I have stopped doing that for a long time. I know I am a broken person, broken into millions of pieces, and the situation of my sickness is not helping either, but my spirit is still intact, I am still strong. The dark time will pass, the hurt will be buried, but the broken pieces will remain very much a part of me.

Life is a destiny; my journey is yet to be completed.