This Teddy

When you were born even the insurance agent was privileged to be informed, but not me. It’s ok. Then I saw your picture for the first time, I was sure it was love at first sight, you were so adorable, so peaceful and I just miss you.

I don’t know if we will ever meet, as my decisions were sealed that day when I was made a leper. The message was very clear; I should stop dreaming while holding on to an empty promise. It’s ok. Life is about moving on.

You will never know how many times I cried shamelessly in the shopping mall, as everything baby reminds me of you. The converse high cut in red was in my hand for a long long time, but I was afraid if I were to purchase it, where do I send it to. The last gift that I bought for you was directed to a wrong address, I should take the hit right, that you are not to receive anything from me, it’s ok.

I want you to know that not a day passes without me talking to you, smiling at you, looking into those curious eyes of yours with love, at times I will be sobbing alone, wondering if you will ever know me, wondering if I will ever get to cuddle you at least once, wondering if you will ever run to me……….. ahh it hurts.

There were many toys that I bought for you, beautiful nursery rhymes, flash cards, I hold on to them and then I let them go one by one, because I don’t want to be wrong in your life, my gifts can never be safe enough or good enough for you. They mocked me, but it’s ok.

This teddy with the word I love you is among a few of the gifts that I am still holding on, till I find someone who will appreciate it to give it to. This teddy is super soft, may be not as soft as your skin, but I was careful when I selected this teddy as I do not want anything given to you not to pass their quality checks, but I know this teddy will not go to you, it’s ok.

I love you baby, I pray for you each day, I know you will grow up to be someone that I will be proud of. If our paths never cross at all, I hold you very close to my heart, and you be a good boy now ok.

On your first celebration of eid, may I wish you a bless Eid Mubarak.