Sweeto No?

  

Hubby came home and found me sitting and starring at the TV.

HB: hi honey

Me: hi honey

He went to change

Me: sorry I did not cook dinner today, I am so not in the mood of doing anything

HB: it is ok, no problem, are you in pain again?

Me: I don’t know what I am in anymore, but I don’t cook today

HB: ok, I will make something, don’t worry

He came and give me a hug and off to the kitchen, while I am still stuck staring at the TV.

After about half an hour, he came and offered me something to eat.

HB: I made fattoush for you, and there’s no lemon in it, go ahead and eat

Me: thank you

I now move to the dining table and started staring at the bowl of fattoush. I am also not in the mood to eat. I just feel like puking, but since he had taken the trouble to make this for me, i have no other choice but to start eating.

Along the way, I was just making excuses by complaining that the cucumber was chopped to big, the parsley was not chopped the way I like it, and etc. Hubby, the ever so sweet man that I married, offered explanations to each of the complains.

This is the fattouch that he made, and the bread was toasted, ironically it looks like the shape of a heart.

Sweeto no?

I Am In Agony

For a couple of days, it seems I have some kind of mental block. Whenever I start to write something, something else will distract my attention and my work will be left untouched. Suddenly, there was a moment when I realized that I have nothing to write about at all. This is mainly because, my mental block remains that way, and to continue takes such and effort.

But one thing I am sure that I can always remember and be forced to remember is the constant pain that I have, and have to endure. It is putting many interesting parts of my life on a standstill; I am so wrapped up in so much pain.

There is no point trying to figure out what generates the pain, as much as I am trying to be independent of the pain killer, I must admit that I do sometimes fail, and the pain killer will be my solace. Secretly, I am beginning to enjoy the free feeling that it induces in me, and the non-disturbed sleep that I will have. I am not even daring to think how this will have a very severe effect on me in the long run.

I used to be very good at controlling pain situations, I don’t even cry, I will moan about the pain very often though, I will recite some supplication to sooth away the pain, or I will just try to block my mind off the pain totally, but this is getting more impossible to do. It seems that I just cannot do it anymore.

I am in agony of the pain and keeping my mind busy is not possible.

es ist meine Bubur som som

CD: what are you doing?

Me: I am trying to make bubur som som

CD: what is that?

Me: it is a kind of desert, your grandma loves making this during the Ramadan month

CD: but your hand is pain, and it is so much effort to keep on stirring the mixture

Me: well, I am using my left hand, and its ok, I don’t know why but I just want to eat this desert, and I hope it will turn out right, though it is still a bit lumpy now

CD: I will go Google and see what bubur som som is all about

CD: the picture I saw on Google showed that its lumpy

Me: no, your grandma will not want her bubur som som lumpy, it’s ok; I will keep on stirring till I get it right

Anyways, I got the desert done right and not lumpy and yes, we finished everything in one serving. How can something so simple, be so tasty, and yet take so much effort to do?

I Was Just A Bystander

It was that bad dream that woke me up this morning; in fact it was still very early dawn. What can be more irritating was the inability to put all the dream pieces together when I am up and alert, and yet I could not just ignore that bad dream, that had robbed me of my so much wanted sleep.

Funny how the dream suddenly makes me feel so hungry, so sad and at the same time it was making me feel nauseous. All the faces that I saw in my dream were of people or rather siblings that had betrayed me, my trust and my love for them. In that dream, I was just a bystander, but something traumatic befalls one of them, and as much as I could do something, I just ignore them. And now in my conscious state of mind I am feeling so guilty.

I don’t like bad dreams, I don’t like to dream of people that I would like to leave alone in my jumbled up closet, and I do not want to ever clean that closet again. Of late even my angels are being disturbed by bad dreams too, dreams that keep them talking for at least a couple of days.

Some surveys concluded that bad dreams could be caused by stress, spicy food or pain, and I am not too sure which one had triggered those bad dreams for us.

Pink "H"

My entry today is to let some “SMART” readers know that you cannot hide behind anonymous name for you are traceable through your IP address. You have the liberty to read and comment on my blog entry, it is public anyways, but perverted comments can only come from that land, and people of that race.

Therefore Pink H………………… registered in Perak and living in KL. You can run but you cannot hide.