Let's Play Mom Said

When I was growing up, mom said:

Don’t sing in the kitchen, else no one will ask for your hands in marriage. The reality of that was mom does not want us to be so engrossed in our singing sensation, that we will forget the cooking on the stove, thus burning it.

When I was growing up, mom said:

Don’t cut your finger nails in the night; else something bad will befall you. The reality of that was mom does not want us to accidently cut our fingers in the semi lighted room, while doing our nails.

When I was growing up, mom said:

Don’t open the umbrella in the house; else a snake will start to come to the house. The reality of that was mom does not want us to trip on the umbrella and hurt our selves with the sharp edges of the umbrella.

When I was growing up, mom said:

Don’t sew any tear or button on your dress while wearing it, else you will have bad luck. The reality of that was mom does not want us to hurt our selves with the needle.

When I was growing up, mom said:

Don’t hit on the side of the pot while cooking, else you will deliver a baby with cleft lip. The reality of that was mom does not want us to dent the side of the pot by doing so.

When I was growing up, mom said:

Don’t take any herbal medication while you are breast feeding till at least after 3 weeks, else the baby will be very heated up which might result in an outburst of rashes and fever on the baby.

When I was growing up, mom said:

Don’t drink the pure turmeric juice while you are still in confinement and breast feeding, else you will experience terrible constipation, while the baby will be yellow.

Well, mom always said a lot of things, analyze what she said, and believe what you want.

Thank you Mak.

An Indian Encounter

One evening, by the river in a beautiful garden, we encountered an Indian family show.

Michael Jackson! I'm Mourning!

‘Ma, my condolences 2 u. Ur bf passed away dis morn. Michael Jackson hs left d building…….’ This was the text message that I received at the wee hours of my time here, to be more accurate I received this message at around 01.04 am.

Earlier on I had heard commotion between hubby and my Chef Diva on the truth of the story, as they both were getting news on WOW. Hubby on the TV and the confirmation of his demised was undeniable. I just pulled the pillows over my head not wanting to believe what was said on TV, and play act at sleeping.

We had planned to go for his final concert in London, which will not happen now. However, I was glad that I had the opportunity to attend one of his concerts back home many years back, lucky enough to be given the VIP seat, lucky enough to enjoy every second of those moments, lucky enough to even share this moment with my eldest sister and my Chef Diva.

You just cannot get enough of MJ, so when he was in Singapore, believe it or not I travelled there, got the concert tickets, only to be ditched by him twice as he was in reclusions amidst the accusation of child molestation. I never stop following the life of MJ.

When my brother tore down all of his posters that I had in my room, I was just devastated, the torn posters were left on my bed, so vindictive he was, just so I have no choice but to see the posters shattered. I remember taking the torn posters, folding them back again nicely, with tears running down my cheeks. Since then no more of MJ’s posters were on my wall, but I kept a little scrape book instead. This way no one can take that away from me.

Ah ……. That was my experience with MJ, still to me he is the king of pop and will forever be, in life or otherwise. RIP MJ.

‘Have You Seen My Childhood?

Al Fatiha for Michael

Count Me Out

I was asked the question if I will return home to have the ‘cukur jambul’ (shaving of the hair) ceremony, my answer was short, No. There was a pause of silence before another question was put forward, but why don’t you want to have one, my answer…. because I don’t believe that that was a requirement of our belief, period.

When the kids were babies, I was exposed or forced to believe that a lot of nonsense celebrations are a part of the religious belief. Looking back if I could change a lot of things practiced then I would without a doubt.

I am not worried anymore on how many tongues will be wagging once the words go around about my perception of cultural against religious belief. Well, I am not the least concerned. You can talk as much as you want, but you can’t take away what I believe in.

Even during the wedding, they were puzzled why I do not have the ‘merinjis’ (blessing) ceremony, I would rather they go on wondering, then carry on with something that is so not warranted by my belief. People often forget when they combine the demands of culture upbringing against religious requirement. They are not ashamed to carry on with the cultural needs for fear that the society will scorn at them.

Good luck to your worldly belief, just count me out.

I Miss The Magical Peace Lord.....

I can still remember the first time I set foot in front of the magnificent worshipping place, my heart was beating so fast, as I walked slowly to be closer to this piece of paradise, warm tears just automatically rushed down my cheeks, without realizing it I was sobbing like a baby, not really knowing what were the reasons, because there were many.

It was a lucky first time experience for me, as the place was not too crowded, may be because it was summer, and not many people like the hot temperature as well as the sudden sand storms, or maybe I was privileged as a guest of the Diplomatic mission, whatever the reason was then, I thanked the Lord for the invitation to His home.

Kissing the black stone, being on my knees in prayers, I keep asking the Lord to give me the strength, the patience, good health and the ability to carry on with four kids on my own. Alhamdulillah, my prayers were answered, though together with that I was confronted with more challenges to remember Him always.

Now after many years from my last trip there, my heart is yearning for another visit, I could feel the calling to visit His home again, I have so many things that I need to talk to Him about, I have too much tears welled up in me where only with Him I would like to share, and the little secret I have been holding is growing bigger, and only to Him I want to whisper. Call me Lord; give me the capabilities and freedom to visit your home again.

Give me peace Lord, call me Lord and let me be your guest once again. I miss the magical peace Lord of your home.

Motherhood........... A Borrowed Text

Motherhood

Its (motherhood’s) demands are so compelling,

so clearly important, and also so proudly satisfying.

….. You give up yourself, and finally you don’t even mind.

You become your child’s guide to life

at the expense of that swollen ego you thought so immutable.

I wouldn’t have missed this for anything.

It humbled my ego and stretched my soul.

It awakened me to eternity.

It made me know my own humanity,

my own mortality,

my own limits.

It gave me whatever crumbs of wisdom I possess today.

Erica Jong, b. 1942, from Fear of Fifty

Neda, Where They Silence You, The Lord Is Listening

Pictures of her death were played and replayed over and over again on CNN, a young girl’s life gone wasted, eager to have her voice heard, eager to fight for her rights, eager to be one among the crowd to make a difference, so eager she was that her life was sacrificed.

Neda was with her father together with the opposition in Iran to demand their rights of states, on this day when the world around was celebrating Father’s day, her father was forced to witness the worse nightmare of his life, Neda was shot in her chest in front of the thousands chanting for their rights. The picture of her gruesome death was too much for the weak hearts to watch, but I kept on watching each time it was aired. It breaks my heart.

When I was younger, I have always been eager to stand either in the hot sun or under the rain in long queue to cast my vote, supporting the government whom I was made to believe that will be serving the people fairly. After many years, I decided that it was not worth the effort at all, the government who claimed to be democratic, was actually more a dictatorship breathing capitalism all the time. We, the people who put them in their position were treated like a cow whose nose has been hooked on a chain. How can you fight, how can you run, how can you talk, in the end you cannot even begin to hate. I choose to just live in my own world.

Gone is Neda, a father has lost his precious child, a mother has lost her hope, will the dictators breathing capitalism feel any loss or misery at all? No, they will not, they are too high on their own dosage of corruption to even blink an eye.

Go Neda, rest now in a place better than what you have been in before, in a place where no one knows the unfairness of democracy, where the mask of dictatorship and capitalism will not be displayed.

I pray you are at peace now Neda, be reassured that where they silence your voice, the Lord is listening.

A Bicycle Build For 3

Just having fun on a Sunday afternoon on a bicycle build for 3. It was ridiculously tiring though it looks like something so easy to maneuver; it was such an effort to keep on cycling for a distance of almost 10 Km. Our bodies needed the adrenalin rush.

Happy Father's Day

It is Father’s day today, wow such big deal, anyways, I don’t think you need a day to appreciate or to remember your parents by. I got my first ever wish on Father’s day today from my medic princess, as she said I have been both mother and father to them for a long time (tell me) .

My response was thank you, thank you. It’s my responsibility anyways and I can only give my undying love and commitment to all my precious kids. Looking back, I realized that no one knows what it was like having to take care of four kids single handedly. Trust me it was tough, at times very tough, but I have to get going, I can’t turn round and just ignore all the responsibilities. Alhamdulillah, for the strength and sanity. There were times that I would stay awake all night long, contemplating my life but I never broke down, the kids were my reasons for living.

The world can talk, speculate, sneer and laugh at me, I don’t give a damn. I know I am not a perfect parent but I give them my all. I will be lying if I said that between the kids and me we had no differences, ahh…………………. We always have lots of them, as to the kids I am so old school, my jokes were so last year, my fashion statement all so wrong, my demands too much, my expectations too high, my time so limited, tell me which one of you never complained about your parents. It is alright for me, because I know no one can love them as much as I do.

Age is catching up on me fast, health is ticking its time of imperfectness too, there were times that I pondered and wished that I could look through the crystal glass to see that my kids will have a happy life even when I am dead and gone. InsyaAllah.

I am not going to be cliché here by the same saying that appreciate your parents while they are still living, I will just say remember them by if you can.

Happy Father’s Day !!!!!

Medical Checks

Like it or not I had to make the trip to the doctor, as it is mandatory for me to undergo this medical check, an X-ray of the chest was also required. Since hubby was working from home, it was easy for us to manage the time to do this.

We went to the Radiology place first as it was not too far from our house. We did not have to wait long, when I was called after less than 15 minutes of waiting. I went into the changing room but could not find any robe that we normally put on after taking off our clothes, I was confused for a while, still trying to figure out how am I going to go and have the X-ray taken. The knock on the door indicated that I had to go out already, on an impulse I decided to put my bra on again, but that was not meant to be as I was instructed to have my bra off.

Oh my God, I was so embarrassed and so conscious of myself, without looking at the Radiologist and with my hands covering my breast I walked straight to have the X-Ray taken, once done I quickly run to the changing room, and was swearing under my breath.

At the medical check up again the doctor told me to undress too, only this time I was allowed to keep my bra and knickers on, Alhamdulillah hubby was there waiting in the room with the doctor. It was really weird how things were organized so differently here, back home the doctors are very careful when checking their patients, they will always be accompanied by a nurse or an assistant. I hate to think when I have to do my regular pap smears, what will I be exposed to then? Or should I just go back and have my yearly medical there to save more embarrassment.

Like the saying goes ‘there will always be a first in everything’.

Another Sleepover

This morning I prepared her normal lunch pack with yet another style of sandwich, she loves to be surprised whenever she eats her lunch at school, so preparing her lunch pack has been like a little game for us. However, this morning I was more cautious with the content of the sandwich, as my little angel will not be back in the evening and I want to be sure that she will not be hungry, she has yet another sleepover.

Hugging and kissing her goodbye, I feel a tinge of tears in my eyes, seeing how beautiful she has grown to be, so tall, so slim and so articulate with everything she does. Saying a silent prayer in my heart for her safety, I still find it difficult to let her go, and worse still when she has to go for a sleepover at a house that is totally different in culture, belief and upbringing, but I know she wanted to go for this sleepover so much, as this particular friend will be leaving the school for good, and this was a goodbye get together.

Together we prepared a gift for her friend last night, tying the bow of golden ribbon on the packing, I checked with her if it was presentable enough, she squealed with laughter as she always think whatever mama does is the best. She arranged all the books that she had borrowed from the school library for her reading during the summer holidays on the table next to her couch, before saying good night.

The life here has changed her attitude towards her studies, she is more competitive now, and gets very upset if she does not score the way she had wants to. She has grown to be more responsive to the teachers in class, more open to friends, and taking more interest in reading.

I will be missing her till she is back in the house again, I can only hope that she will have a good sleepover, and the friendship that she had bonded with this particular friend will last beyond these goodbyes.

My little angel ……………….. I will always be proud of you.

Hungry Ghost In The House

When we fetched her from the airport, we stopped at one of the eateries, she decided on a chicken shawarma, while hubby and me shared one too, after that we went to have Hagen Daz with apple pie before continuing our journey home.

She freshened up, took out the stuff that friends had given for me, we chat, we laugh, we hugged and excitedly waited for her younger sister to arrive from school. For all these times, she was constantly feeling hungry; I guess it must be the change of time and environment.

It has been more than a week of blissful happiness for me having her here with us; the house is noisier now, as the two angels never stop having fun with each other, their laughter could still be heard till at least one of them fall asleep. The only funny thing is that she has turned out to be one hungry ghost.

From the moment she opens her eyes she will be asking for food, or be in the kitchen looking for something to eat, poor Chef Diva she sure is missing mummy’s cooking. However, I am so proud of her as she does not forget her routine exercise to keep her trim body at check.

We are making plans so that my hungry ghost will forever be with us *happy*.

Wild Berries Happy Faces

Look at the happy faces of the wild berries discovery, it was a first for Chef Diva and she is a challenge for anything.

Bicycling

He finally got his bicycle; he wanted the bike for a long time. I have been planning to surprise him on many occasions, but albeit all the planning, the Lord always have other plans for me. Each time I thought I could buy him the bike, some other pressing issues at home will be waiting. However, this is the best time for him to go exercising and to try riding the bike to work as the weather is better now.

Without planning one day, after our favorite banana split we just confidently walked into the bicycle shop, and for the first time put our hands on the bikes that we have for a long time been admiring from the windows only. As you know, anything that is unplanned will end up with something more deep into our pocket, though unexpectedly it was a good buy.

We bought the bike, the assistant of the shop had to do some adjustment to suits hubby’s height, long legs and weight, so we could only take the bike the next day, we also bought the helmet, as we saw one that was having a super offer. Negotiated for some freebies, and promised to come back for more stuff.

Next visit to the shop which was located just 8 minutes away from our house will be to purchase the bicycle stand, the fenders, the carrier, and the lock. I guess one thing will always lead to another, he is now hinting on the proper attire for the cycling too.

Good biking hubby!!!!

The Swan Talk

This is Chef Diva's moment with the Swan, I love how they seem to be communicating in their own world. Don't you?

Her Own Body Combat

I still remember how angry she was when I registered her for membership at the gym, it took a while coaxing her to attend classes and so on, but now look at her, she can’t have enough of the gym. Seen here doing body combat on her own while on holidays.

A Moment to Decide

Can you imagine this situation? You stay awake the whole night because you were worried as your daughter was travelling alone a million miles to you for the first time, when morning came you realized that you have a number of chores to do immediately.

You went to run the first chores, which is to drop by at the bank and purchase a concert ticket for a friend, as you have a special account for discount, just to discover that the printer at the particular branch is not functioning, the clock was ticking closing to the time that your daughter’s flight will be landing. You run jumped on to the next tram and dropped at the next bank branch, waited in line, just to be told that you were waiting at the wrong queue, the clock was still ticking.

You moved waiting in queue at the next line, after a while a very nice teller called you from the queue to his computer, just to be told that you cannot purchase any more special price ticket as you have already purchased two tickets at discounted price……….. hemm, don’t you wish that you were alert enough to read this condition before wasting all this time? The clock continues ticking.

Left the bank, you walked as fast as you can to the train station now, that will take you to the terminal train center, you managed to catch a breath and noticed that the train will be coming in less than 5 minutes, smiling you anticipated that you will still be at the airport in time before your daughter’s arrival.

There were not many people waiting at the station, you noticed that there were hubby, you and next to you a frail looking man, you started to fool around with hubby just to kill time, then suddenly you heard a loud thud, the man next to you sprawling on the floor, so close to your feet, can you see yourself running in slow motion diving yourself to catch the train that will be arriving in 2 minutes, and to attend to the man.

Your head was turning left and right and left, a moment to decide, you found yourself kneeling next to the man, holding his seizure hands down, while at the same time trying to hold his cheeks so that he will not bite on his tongue, you saw the train pass, you heard hubby giving instruction to call for help, you were still alone holding the man, as hubby will not touch any stranger.

Then help comes from other bystanders, you were still calling to the man to wake up, one of your hands still pressing his cheeks, then you realize that you were pressing too hard, and you saw his denture coming out, you felt nauseated, but you have no choice till the paramedic arrived.

Finally, you got on to the next train, hubby nagging you to wash your hands……………….. but where? Your only concern now is to arrive at the airport and greet your daughter.

Destination of a moment to decide is fated.

Yoga Anyone?

Oh Lord, is this for real? We were walking in the windy weather, trying hard to concentrate on the beautiful picturesque surrounding of old buildings, instead of the cold winds, when suddenly a woman just got off her bicycle, rolled out a yoga mat, and ignoring the curious onlookers she started her routine rather happily. Ahh.... might as well!!!!

Sports Day

Finally the much awaited sports day came, my little angel was full of anticipation for all the events that she will be participating in, the early morning down pour did nothing to deter her enthusiasm. Chef Diva who was still fast asleep will come later to give her the support that she needed. In fact she has been pining for her sister for too long now, and having her here is just an icing on the cake.

It Ain't Over Till It's Over

My girlfriend’s email was ever so funny, each time I read her emails I will be laughing so much to myself, as it is only me who understands the content. This time round it was about her only son, ahh………… tell me about what I don’t already know.

She was so furious this time with her son that she wanted to throw him out of the house immediately, I called her just to pacify the situation a bit, we end up laughing so much that by the end of the conversation the problem was never too heavy when shared.

Her son who had just graduated, borrowed some money from the father to buy a SWIFT, wow, I was thinking not bad for a young graduate, he promised his father that the payment will be made stagger every month, but unfortunately that was not forthcoming, and the husband starts to lash out at her for pampering the son so much, so in the end she gave the money to her son to pay the father (does that make sense?).

Now, she said hardly six months working, he messaged her informing her that he wanted to get married, he is simply tearing her apart. My advised to her was simple, sons you can’t live with them neither can you live without them, the best is to let them free, let them do what they want, as mothers you can only advise and negotiate, but at the end of the day, even if he brought home a villain, just bless them, and learn to let go.

She is devastated at the moment as she is tight in finances, her husband does not like the girl, and the son is no longer in talking term with him, that left her pondering and staring at the ceiling night in and night out. What else can I say, not much, every problem should have a solution, it is either you want to accept the solution or you can go on suffering in silence. Am I glad that my experience taught me to value such a situation that she is currently in?

All the best girlfriend, when you think it is done, just remember that it ain't over till it is over, so yeah, pray and all the best.

His Majesty's Birthday

An invitation arrived in the mail box, it was neatly typed and very official, obviously it must be from an organization, yeah, an invitation for lunch to celebrate the King’s birthday. Oh such grandeur here and what are you people thinking of exactly, do you think people here even give a shit who our King is.

Yes, I am one who has been there, done that and receiving this invitation was just an insult to the wound. During my tenure of employment there I was not only taxed on my income but I was also overtaxed by more than Thirty-Six Thousand Ringgit, and these people are happily celebrating the King’s birthday at the expense of the tax payers.

How much more do they want to strangle the throats of the citizens? How much more do they want to lavish themselves at the sufferings of normal income earners? How much more and how long more? I am against monarchy, what do these people do exactly, except to carry on the legacy of a monarch, and yet we have to kiss the road that they walk on. Oh, please give me a break already.

At first, I thought it would be nice to meet and mingle around with your own country people, but the guilt of conspiring with the government on the mercy of the poor income earners, I choose to RSVP but ignore the invites, I know it sounds stupid, but whatever it is, RSVP or not, they will still go ahead. The saying that one could make a difference may sound too farfetched, but I am not afraid to be the odd one out.

Enjoy while you can. Just because you have never felt the pain, that does not give you the reason to keep on pressing.

He's Home...... yeh yeh yeh

Hubby called and told me the good news, they approved of him working from home for two weeks, I was more than delighted, I was just so happy, because since we arrived here hubby has been away on missions, working late etc, and I miss having him around totally.

We suddenly have so many things to do, a lot of odd ends to patch, the house, the girls, the transfer and so many the….s, it was tough having to wear the thinking cap alone all the time, and having him home will make it much easier for us to get things organized, schedule mapping, and ticking the check list.

I also need to go to the doctor because of the left shoulder pain, which has extended to my whole left arm being swollen, that so much so I even have to take off my jade bangle, still I could not figure out what causes this, but back home I was given a different diagnosis, so we will have to see if this tally with the findings here.

Starting today hubby will be home all day long, the bed of course will be more sunken, the pillows more pungent, the blanket will be more soiled, as he is true to his blood birth is one of those people who just love the bed, but I am not complaining. Having him home is a blessing.

We in fact have a deadline to meet, hoping that hubby’s presence will make this feasible, as we cannot ever miss the deadline for our future.

I love having him home, sometimes I wish they even allow him to work from my home country and travel only every once in a while, well………………. Who knows, everything starts with a dream, someday may be the Lord will listen to the prayers in my heart.

InsyaAllah

Pak Lang Go West

The message read `Pak Lang has gone West, Al Fatiha’. I know Al Fatiha is meant for someone who demised, but gone West. Could this be a new term for people who had just kicked the bucket? Ending of the message was `I am sure Abah will be sad’, with this I now can confirmed that gone West is cessation of living.

Pak Lang is one of Abah’s brothers, Abah has a peaceful set of siblings, and they are very close to each other, you will never hear Abah bickering about his siblings, and the nicest thing about them is that they will always find time to visit each other.

I remember Pak Lang being one of the poorest of the brothers, but he had a big heart, his house was just like an extended hut (before his children were able to support him), however, when you come and visit him, there was never once that the wife will not serve you something to eat, be it even the most tasteless biscuits.

Pak Lang stutters good time, we had so much fun imitating him, but he is such a caring person, he has good memories of each and every one of his nieces and nephews. Whenever you give something to him, he will accept it with a sigh, like as though we go such a great distance to give something to him, he is ever so grateful.

Pak Lang has a favorite chair in his house, this chair is already so tattered, but he will keep on replacing the broken seat with a new plank of wood over and over again. He sits on this chair all day long, if he is not helping his wife or tending to his garden. You can see that he was deep in thought, looking beyond the beautiful field of mountains, beyond everything that an individual’s eyes can grasp; he was just traveling the world on his train of the mind.

How can I ever forget Pak Lang, he is one of the best uncles one could have. I will miss Pak Lang for sure, miss making fun of his stuttering, and miss my favorite fried mee hoon that only Pak Lang’s wife knows how to make. It was only in his house that mee hoon is fried with anchovies and nothing else, because they don’t have anything else to fry it with, yet they have a big heart to invite anyone to eat.

Go, Pak Lang, go to the West now, you have been a good person, for all the time that I know you, I hope what you were deprived of here, you are getting it there now. May you rest in peace Pak Lang and may the Lord bless your soul.

Al Fatiha…………………………………….

MRI - Baby

MRI

In this image
Of your brain
I see each curve
In the corpus callosum,
Curlicues of gyri,
Folding of fissures,
Sinuous sulci,
Mammillary bodies,
Arcuate fasciculus,
Angular gyrus,
Tracts and nuclei,
Eyes and ears,
Tongue and phalanx.

But not even
A single syllable
Of one
Tiny
Poem

Vernon Rowe. In: Angela Belli and Jack Coulehan, eds. Blood and Bone: Poems by Physicians (Iowa City: University of Iowa Press, 1998), p. 102.

I am smitten with your arrival, I can only anticipate from a distance; from the first look I am in love so in love with you, I pray to the Lord that you are showered with tenderness and care that only purity of the heart can give. I awaited your arrival, the countdown of your grand entrance and the joy of your first cry. It was a blessing that is immeasurable. Now, I wonder if our minds will ever speak the same language.

Merisik Khabar

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I Am In Love

Would you believe me if I tell you that I have fallen in love again, this time it is love at first sight, the feelings are so heavenly, and I am missing him so much even before the first meeting, the first kiss and the first touch.

I am already high on him, imagining how warm he will feel, how addicted I will be to his smell, what will it feel just looking into his beautiful eyes, holding him in my arms, hugging him so close to my heart, oh yeah I am so afraid that I will not be able to even let him go.

His pictures are already posted everywhere as a reminder that he is there, as a reminder that my love for him knows no boundaries, as a reminder that he is definitely the joy of my life, and could it be possible that we are already communicating in our very own way.

Please don’t ask me to share his good looks with you here, I simply cannot because he is so precious, and I don’t want you to fall in love with him too.

He has a nose that is cuter than Michelle Pfeiffer, lips that out beat Charlotte Casiraghi, a thinking forehead, beautiful sleepy eyes, a pair of chubby cheeks, to sum it all he is just adorable.

I am in love……….. help me Lord to be with him soon!!!!