Good Food And Excellent Company

Good food and excellent company.  Life is full of surprises.  I feel blessed for each day that I have.  Thank you Allah.

Du'a

Thank you dear friends for all the "du'as".  Reading the Al Quran together, listening and discussing the "tafsir" was so good to the soul.  I cherished every moment and every time we have this gathering.  May the blessings of Almighty Allah be with us always.

Oh My Food!!!!

I captured some of the food that was given to me during my stay.  How can something so good tasted so bad? I don't know if it was just me or all the food was over salt and I could not take them.  Most of the time I'll settled for the salad only. It was sufficient before good food brought by hubby comes a long.  Notice the Burger King take away?  

I'm Not The World Greatest Mother

but........ I know I have given my all

10:00 a.m

The phone call came, “you are on at 10:00 tomorrow”, what? Wait a minute, please repeat. Yes, I heard that one right. I’m on for another probing at 10am tomorrow (Saturday). Ok, I sure will be there.

“You have to start fasting by 7pm today, no solid food but you can have some liquid, no milk though” ok.

Since there have been so much of unpredictable moments now, I have learned to transport myself from house 1 to house 2 in a paper bag. Seriously, I just realized that I do not even have a sizable overnight bag to keep transporting all my needs from home to hospital. Paper bags come in handy……. He he he.

Fasting is not going to be tough, since I really do not have much appetite. I guess we will have to leave the house early to make it for the 10:00 am appointment.

Wish me luck…….

Love Came In The Form Of A Wonderful Husband

Sitting alone on my bed and looking back, I ask myself, “What have I learned?” and “how do I go forward?” If everything happens for a reason, there must be some reason why I was diagnosed with cancer.

It took a couple of minutes to answer that question. I think I got cancer is because now it is time for me to be loved and to be taken care off. Well, may be, hemmmm……….. I think I’m certain that that’s the very reason why I have cancer.

I have love and taken care of so many people in my life, I gave unconditionally, love unconditionally and along the way forgot to take good care of myself. I wanted to believe that love conquers all, but I know that that was just cliché. No amount of love I have for anyone in my life will shines through.

However, loves do come in abundance in unexpected places. Friends here are just amazing, the amount of caring that they had given to me, the amount of prayers that they did for me, not mentioning the phone calls, the crying together and much more. Most importantly, love came in the form of a wonderful husband.

My husband chose to stand by my side the whole time despite all my bad moments and tantrums. He gave me everything that I wanted and more, he will wait with me for my doctor’s appointment, stay by my bedside in the hospital while I went deep into sleep high on morphine. He will feed me patiently. All in all he gave tirelessly. Indeed I learned that love plays an important role in my living with cancer, how do I go forward?

I don’t know but for now I need my rest again.

I Might Need A Walking Stick Soon

Still feeling tired and weak and nausea and light headed, these package look like they are here to stay for a long time. A reflection of me in the mirror was not a happy one, where has the happiness on my face gone to? I try to frown my pain away every day that it is living on my smile now. I walked with a hunch to hide the pain in my stomach and I’m afraid that if I don’t change the way I’m walking, I might need a walking stick soon.

If This Will Be My Last Day

As I sit here today, trying to finish my breakfast, I cannot help but wonder if this will be my last day:

Then this bread will be my last bread

This chair will be my last chair

This table will be my last table

This pot of beautiful tulips will be my last pot of beautiful tulips

This cup of horrible coffee will be my last cup of horrible coffee

That beautiful sunrise will my last beautiful sunrise

That view from my window will be my last view from the window

That hugs from my hubby and little angle will be the last hugs

That phone call last night will be my last phone call

Everything must end someday…………………………

I don’t know when it will be my last ………………….

As The Curtain Rolls

As the curtain started to roll, I wonder if I have done enough in this life. Would I have changed any chapter at all? I don’t know, I want to be strong and be the proud person always, but I feel defeated at this moment. Allah knows best and may His guidance be with me always.

Those Beautiful Shades of A Mosaic Lamp

Beautiful mosaic glass lamps have been one of my favorite things.  I saw some nice collection here at the Christmas market last December, but they were ridiculously priced.  I had the opportunity to visit one of the shops that supplied genuine mosaic glasses from Anatolia, Turkey.  One of the owner's wife was from 'Boleh' land, and we got talking and there were so many things that I learned about in the making of these beautiful lamps.

The lamps were put together with a collection or a combination of fine cut glass pieces of assorted colors, which was then carefully and intricately pieced together to produce these special lamps. The shades are connected or strung together to produce the stylish lamps below.  Did I get any?............ hemm, yes I could only afford a small one that used candle to lit instead of those ceiling dangling lamps, someday, may be.

 

 

  

 

 

I Was Taken Ill

My intention was to seek medical help, to look for a cheaper hospital to cater for my urgent needs.  Since day one everything was going on smoothly.  However, on the last day there, I got very ill in the middle of a huge crowd in the tourist area.  I seriously could not remember every details of the incident.  However, I do remember being attacked with the most painful feeling above my stomach area, exactly in the middle of the rib cage.  I felt like as though I was being stabbed by a very sharp knife, the pain was so severe that I found breathing so difficult.  I was sweating as though someone had just thrown a big bucket of water on me. I vomited my whole stomach out.  My friends told me that I was as white as a ghost, and all my fingers were blue, while my body was as cold as ice.  I realized next the paramedics was calling my name, asking me if I was in pain and so on and so on.  I don't remember answering most of their questions.  The rest was history............. 

The Flying Chef

On my way back to Vienna, we were served by this charming flying Chef.  He was so hard working, helping the stewardess all the time and serving the passengers too.  So much of him reminded me of you Amira, I hope one day you will get to travel the world through your culinary skills too.  And, oh yes, if you were wondering if I did mentioned you to him, well of course...... I do, so proudly.  

  

  

 

 

   

I Don't Have That In My Hands

As my health gets the better of me, I keep thinking of what I had done as a parent, in fact as a single parent raising four beautiful kids, of whom I love unconditionally. I realized that I had done everything that I know.

Checking on my check list:
Communication: yes, I have communicated with them.
Kindness: yes, I have been very kind to them.
Merciful: yes, I have been very merciful to them.
Education: yes, I have given them the best of education that I could afford and that they could take.

I have always been sincere in my supplication to Almighty Allah to protect them, to keep them in His tender loving care always, to make them the best of His ‘ummah’, to guide them, to feed them, to clothe them and to bestow to them the best of place on earth and in heaven. In other words, even though I have fallen over hurdles as a good parent many times, I got up and keep on trying, and trying. When they are already adults that do not guarantee me that they will commit themselves to my guidance, nor does that guarantee that they will love me as much I do them, and nor will that guarantee that they will not forget me. I don’t have that in my hands as parents.

Guidance is in the hands of the Almighty Allah.

Sitting Ring

Since losing a lot of weight, I discovered that sitting for a long time or sleeping in any position can be real chores for me. I was advised to start using the “sitting ring”. Initially, I asked hubby to look for a purchase online, however, I discovered that the price was nearly as pricy as getting one in the local medical store here. Yesterday, we went to get one as I could not take the pressure of sitting down for a long time much longer, and also I need to be able to sleep good again. It was worth the purchase…………….. had a good sleep last night. Alhamdulillah.

Life goes on…………..